AIBU to ignore an old friend asking for financial help?

I would say "Dear friend, I am glad to hear that you have made a real break. I will be honest and say that offering financial support is not something I wish to be involved in but I do hope you find a way forward and I wish you luck"

If she hassles or guilt trips: block

She sounds like hard work - poor kids putting up with that over the years. I’m pretty sure there would be government help for this sort of thing. It’s not just the money, she will assume she can get support in other ways.

Link to apply

https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit

You could point DF to Womens Aid, Shelter, Universal credit, claim child maintenance etc

Just to say I really hope you’re ok @YesIveNamechanged80 I hope everything works out for you 💐

Asking someone out of the blue for a house deposit is huge. I wouldn’t even ask this of a sibling. I honestly think even asking is cheeky as fuck.

If you care about her you could drop her a kind but firm reply saying you are glad she’s out and you wish her the best but you can’t give her money.

If you are going to re-engage, set new boundaries.

If it was me in your shoes I'd be inclined to tell her to contact Women's Aid. They will be able to support her.

Money for a house deposit? Is she for real? How about she gets a job and saves it up herself like everyone else has to?

I've been in many a hole in my life and wouldn't dream of asking actual blood relatives I don't speak to for help. I know we're all different but even if I heard my own bio dad won the lottery and I was homeless, I would remain that way .
I curse not being born with the CF gene 😩.

@tommyhoundmumthank you.

Good luck in getting a safe secure home soon.

If you lend her money, you will NEVER see it again. Ignore.

She was with an abusive partner for year's. She came to you several times telling you about what was going on and you were supportive then. You encouraged her to leave him and she refused to listen to any of your advice.

She has not been in contact with you for 6 years. She contacts you and tells you she has finally left him. She never asks how you are, what your doing ect but instead asks you for a deposit for her to get a house.

I would reply to her that unfortunately your not in a position to give her this money but that you wish her the best going forward.
After you send this message you can decide to block her or not.
You need to decide if you're willing to meet up with her and are you willing to be there like you were in the past for her and her problems.

No way would I reply. You’re not someone to be used when it’s convenient for her.

Nope. I probably wouldn't reply either, especially after 6 years no contact. If you respond, even to say no, you'll likely receive other requests, or be sucked in to whatever dramas are going on in her life. Keep quiet, don't respond. If necessary, block her.

No. Block her. Put yourself first.

I would either ignore, or reply wishing her well but saying no to helping out, either way I would block her. She will have other people to ask, she has managed without you for 6 years. You need to protect your MH and not allow yourself to be sucked back into the mire with her.

Absolutely this.

That's right, the OP would be very unlikely to get the money back so either give it or not.

Say no but with softness to her request for money. If you lend, it won't end well. No one contacts someone out of the blue and asks for substantial money - at least they don't if they are a reliable friend. If you want to get involved with her, do so but unless she has changed her character substantially (unlikely) I suspect you will be disappointed and it might actually be easier for her and you if you say no with softness but firmness if that makes sense?

"Hi, sorry to hear that you're in a bit of a tight spot right now. I am not in a position to lend you the money but wish you all the best - I know it has been hard for you".

I don’t think you should give her the money and you should not feel guilty about it. You were there for her for a long time and supported her a huge amount, when many may have walked away sooner. I fear if you give her this money, it will open the door to you being back in that draining supporting role, but this time also being a cash dispenser. Her financial needs may well be very real and I imagine if she was to ask for further funds there would be good reason (assuming there is nothing else driving any such requests), but this is not your responsibility and you need to protect your own mental health and being there for your family. It sounds like the relationship was pretty one sided in terms of support and her getting in touch is to not to reignite a friendship after 6 years but to ask for money.

This 👆

Wow that’s shocking she asked, of course you canr give her money. It will never end, she will be back for more.

id respond and say no, please don’t contact me again and block her, or just block her,

Absolutely no! The cheek of her after all the support you gave her and she stayed with her partner, you haven’t seen her for all this time and now she wants money, talk about taking the piss. Say no I’m not in a position to, please don’t ask me again, then block her.

I’ve been there too. Oh the amount of energy I sunk into that situation talking to her A LOT every time she would leave him/escape for her to go back and act like the horrible stuff never happened. I would never do it again. I am still in touch with that person (we are not close) and any time she mentions him or their relationship I completely blank it and I genuinely just don’t care. I wish I never made the mistake of putting energy into that rubbish in the first place.

in terms of your situation, I suggest you ignore. It’s simply none of your business. Put your energy into your kids and husband instead, make them a lovely meal.