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Original poster

AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

386 replies

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 10:56

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

OP posts:
ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 20:46

SoVeryVeryBored · Yesterday 20:40

Are you absolutely sure of the facts @Wokeuptired and seen this all in writing? See https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-for-employers/how-to-make-deductions- CMS can deduct up to a max of 40% of net earnings, employees must be left with the protected 60%, so this doesn’t make sense.

This is for employers making deductions from wages. CMS themselves can clear someone’s bank account out without a court order for the entire amount of arrears as long as they leave £55 in the account. Obviously this didn’t happen in DS’s case as OP updated some time ago that he had made a mistake on his payslip, but nevertheless it remains the case that CMS an impose harsh penalties in the event of arrears.

Xkk · Yesterday 20:46

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 13:58

OK before I go i will put in a timelines for the people who are unable to grasp my posts.
Jan 2024 they split up for the last time
Jan 24 until December 25 my son paid £600 to her directly and about another £500 in her bills kids clothes etc
December 25 he quit his job and attempted to take his life
Dec25 - march 26 he was in hospital then discharged and he didn't have a job
Feb 26 the ex told him he wasn't allowed to see the children so he done a c100 and court is next month.
March 26 he got his old job back not the same job as the one he quit
April 26 he got his first lot of wages since December 25, he went to pay her and she told him not to bother as the cms were dealing with it
AUGUST 26 he got his first letter from the cms saying he had to pay £458 a month
TODAY he got his payslip and he thought they had taken £1700 but that's what he had been left with after deductions and an extra £300 for cms arrears.

So April 26 got his wages back and he went to pay but she said don't bother. August he got his letter. What did he do with his money from April to August? Is almost half a year. Even if she said don't bother he should have put the money aside as surely he knew he will need to pay for those months as well?

Youneedas · Yesterday 20:50

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 20:46

This is for employers making deductions from wages. CMS themselves can clear someone’s bank account out without a court order for the entire amount of arrears as long as they leave £55 in the account. Obviously this didn’t happen in DS’s case as OP updated some time ago that he had made a mistake on his payslip, but nevertheless it remains the case that CMS an impose harsh penalties in the event of arrears.

Show quote history

Well that lasted long

BruFord · Yesterday 21:16

I see that you've spoken to someone at CMS, but I was also going to suggest that you and your son make an appointment with Citizen's Advice and go through his paperwork with them. They can help with CMS claims and general budgeting. It sounds as if your DS needs some support and as you're not based in the UK, it would be good for him to have a local resource too.

Katemax82 · Yesterday 21:21

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:24

I have seen all the paperwork, we can't see how it's right either as it doesn't add up, but cms says it's correct, should he call then again? And what should he say?

Show quote history

Try citizens advice

Persephonia1966 · Yesterday 21:28

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:09

He is under his G.P and the crisis team at the hospital, he is not wanting to pay for the children but while he only has £500 to live on a month his ex is bringing in over 3k a month, how is that fair?
If he loses his home he won't be able to have his children overnight. It's all so messy and their is only so much we can do that's why I have put it on here as I'm desperate to help him.

Show quote history

His ex is bringing in 3000 a month but will be spending a chunk of that money on the children. He is bringing in (I think based on what you said) 2,200 and expected to spend 700 on the three children. The reason he has less this month is because he is having to pay back pay.
However, if 500 a month is a ridiculously tiny impossible to live on sun for one adult, then surely 700 a month to support 3 children isn't ridiculous? If you assume the ex is also spending the same amount on the kids (she will be spending more almost certainly) then that's 1400 a month for 3 children or just under 500 per child.

So

  • 500 a month for you son = far too tiny an amount, might tip him over the edge into suicide, crazy that it isn't recognised as such
  • less than 500 a month to feed, clothe, house a child = absurd profligacy

For what it's worth I can sympathise that this month will be really tough with just 500 left. However it's a one of and only because he is behind on payments. After that the payments will be much more manageable and he will have more left over for himself. I don't normally advise borrowing but this is one case where a 0% card could help. Or you could lend him/give him the help just for this month. Or he can negotiate with some of the other people he owes money (mortgage, rent, bills) to delay paying slightly. Paying for his children isn't more optional than the rest

FunPartyIdeas · Yesterday 22:00

@Persephonia1966
Again, he won't be paying for CM for three children when he only has two? Why on earth would he be paying for a child that isn't his?!!

Sunshine1500 · Yesterday 22:02

strictlybusinessuntildecember · Yesterday 19:19

This is going to sound harsh but it’s not his ex wife/girlfriend fault he has mental health issues and didn’t work for a period of time. She still has 2 of his children to raise and house clothe and feed. If he had been my son I’d have offered him to live at home until he was sorted financially and I’d have also loaned the CMS amount he had to pay….but then again I’m a sole parent of 3 young children whose ex husband hasn’t paid in 2 years so perhaps you have been lucky in life OP never to have been in this situation

oh and my ex has had mental health issues in the past and if he had been sectioned I’d have stopped contact with the children as well as I don’t think it’s a healthy environment to be around (or safe when you read about so called family annihilators)

I wholeheartedly agree with this.
I’ve seen many a similar situation!

SoVeryVeryBored · Yesterday 22:40

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 20:46

This is for employers making deductions from wages. CMS themselves can clear someone’s bank account out without a court order for the entire amount of arrears as long as they leave £55 in the account. Obviously this didn’t happen in DS’s case as OP updated some time ago that he had made a mistake on his payslip, but nevertheless it remains the case that CMS an impose harsh penalties in the event of arrears.

Show quote history

Fine, I made a mistake ( I haven’t rechecked you are correct, can’t be bothered as thread has moved on), but as has been pointed out to you notwithstanding your name you are not the boss of all threads on mumsnet.

Persephonia1966 · Today 01:19

FunPartyIdeas · Yesterday 22:00

@Persephonia1966
Again, he won't be paying for CM for three children when he only has two? Why on earth would he be paying for a child that isn't his?!!

Edited

He still wants to see the child though and have legal rights to visitation as I understand? Which is completely reasonable if he raised the child as his and feels as if they are his. It's commendable in many ways. But then, I don't think you can pick and choose that they are "yours" for visits but not for paying for them... Besides which another way of doing the maths is he pays 500 for just his two kids and she contributes the same (really more) plus paying separately for the other child. It still comes to 500 per child. I can sympathise with his situation. But I can't see how being left with a small amount of money each month is a disaster for him but effectively the same being available to spend on his own children is a crazy amount for CMS to demand....

Orangelulu · Today 06:33

From April your son should have put money aside for his kids. He didn't. Now he owes in arrears. Not hard to figure out.

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