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AIBU?

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AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

387 replies

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 10:56

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

OP posts:
aliceyyyy2654 · 25/09/2026 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Unfortunately I don’t think mumsnet will do anything about it

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/09/2026 18:09

Agree the numbers don’t add up

if he didn’t have a job then payment would have been £7 a week while on benefits

I can’t see how he has managed to owe so much money in 2yrs

I would call cms

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 18:23

aliceyyyy2654 · 25/09/2026 18:09

Unfortunately I don’t think mumsnet will do anything about it

got my post deleted again! Honestly it’s pathetic

Taytosambo · 25/09/2026 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My goodness, the sheer audacity of you to say that. You actually stated lies in some of your posts. I don't think it's other posters ruining this thread.

aliceyyyy2654 · 25/09/2026 18:28

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 18:23

got my post deleted again! Honestly it’s pathetic

Me too 😂 will have to keep quiet and not share my opinion anymore

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 18:35

aliceyyyy2654 · 25/09/2026 18:28

Me too 😂 will have to keep quiet and not share my opinion anymore

We aren’t alone. Hopefully will eventually rein it in a bit.

ilovebrie8 · 25/09/2026 19:15

That doesn’t sound right OP. Hope he’s okay, I feel sorry for him and the stress he must be under.

He shouldn’t be left with so little to live on.

bigboykitty · 25/09/2026 19:17

ilovebrie8 · 25/09/2026 19:15

That doesn’t sound right OP. Hope he’s okay, I feel sorry for him and the stress he must be under.

He shouldn’t be left with so little to live on.

OP updated to say he'd completely misunderstood the calculations and that isn't the situation.

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 21:43

I'm here in the UK now able with our son, he has got to speak to someone within cms
They have said that they will contact his ex and try to get him to pay directly to her as when payments go through the cms he pays £90 and she gets £90 deducted so the children will be better off by £150 a month, but she has to agree to that.
I have had a few vinos but my son seems calmer and he said he will give her what she says she needs. And we will help him as much as we can, i even messaged her a few months back when we could and said we would always make sure they were OK.

But their are other issues we can not yet talk about as it will harm our sons case.
He will do anything for his children and i think as he was minutes away from ending his life he now realises how precious his life and that of his children are.
Thank you for the posters that have understood his position as he has now read every reply and he has taken it on board

OP posts:
Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 21:44

She gets deducted £60, sorry too much wine

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/09/2026 23:08

She gets £60 deducted from what ?!!!

as I understood that if she happens to claim Universal Credit that CMS is not counted in her figures/calculations.

Theunamedcat · Yesterday 00:11

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/09/2026 23:08

She gets £60 deducted from what ?!!!

as I understood that if she happens to claim Universal Credit that CMS is not counted in her figures/calculations.

Your charged a fee if they have to get involved its not that much unless your paying a hell of a lot sorry but this entire thread isn't adding up mathematically or otherwise

Youneedas · Yesterday 06:57

You don’t live in the Uk @Wokeuptired ?

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 17:25

Theunamedcat · Yesterday 00:11

Your charged a fee if they have to get involved its not that much unless your paying a hell of a lot sorry but this entire thread isn't adding up mathematically or otherwise

Agree. I think OP is getting very confused with the figures. If CMS collect the payments the paying parent has to pay an extra 20% of total child support in fees. At £450 this would be £90, so OP was correct. But the receiving resident parent is only charge 4% of the total. This would amount to £18. Not £60.

Youneedas · Yesterday 17:41

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 17:25

Agree. I think OP is getting very confused with the figures. If CMS collect the payments the paying parent has to pay an extra 20% of total child support in fees. At £450 this would be £90, so OP was correct. But the receiving resident parent is only charge 4% of the total. This would amount to £18. Not £60.

If the Op is getting confused with the figures - it is because her DS is feeding her incorrect information

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 17:52

Youneedas · Yesterday 17:41

If the Op is getting confused with the figures - it is because her DS is feeding her incorrect information

She does say he has dyslexia which could be a contributing factor, added to which she lives in a different country. Agree though, something isn’t right.

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:13

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 17:52

She does say he has dyslexia which could be a contributing factor, added to which she lives in a different country. Agree though, something isn’t right.

Well knock me down with a feather… @ThreadGuardDog isn’t screaming at us and berating posters but instead beginning to come around to the idea that maybe there is quite a bit more to this

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:13

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 17:52

She does say he has dyslexia which could be a contributing factor, added to which she lives in a different country. Agree though, something isn’t right.

She is currently in the Uk and supporting her son

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:16

They have said that they will contact his ex and try to get him to pay directly to her as when payments go through the cms he pays £90 and she gets £90 deducted so the children will be better off by £150 a month, but she has to agree to that.

and if she has any sense - she won’t agree to
anything outside of CMS managing this.

Oh and not a bloody chance CMS will ring her to try to persuade her to go outside of their services. Honestly

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 18:18

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:13

Well knock me down with a feather… @ThreadGuardDog isn’t screaming at us and berating posters but instead beginning to come around to the idea that maybe there is quite a bit more to this

Where was I ‘screaming’ exactly ? I only commented here because clearly I’m shite at hiding threads and a comment popped up about CMS - I commented because it’s my area of knowledge and before I realised what thread it actually was. I post as I see and what I saw was a distressed OP whose son was clearly in trouble with his mental health, and whose thread was being derailed by several posters who weren’t bothering to read updates or understand the issues. If that makes me an awful person then so be it. Yes clearly something is amiss here but as is the norm on MN we only ever get one side of the story. More’s the pity.

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:20

Yes clearly something is amiss here but as is the norm on MN we only ever get one side of the story.

and yesterday - anyone dare suggest this - would get scolded by you.

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:22

CMS have said that they will contact his ex and try to get him to pay directly to her

so if this really is your area @ThreadGuardDog - you will know that this is absolute fiction

aliceyyyy2654 · Yesterday 18:23

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:20

Yes clearly something is amiss here but as is the norm on MN we only ever get one side of the story.

and yesterday - anyone dare suggest this - would get scolded by you.

👏🏼 👏🏼

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 18:30

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:20

Yes clearly something is amiss here but as is the norm on MN we only ever get one side of the story.

and yesterday - anyone dare suggest this - would get scolded by you.

Are you going to keep on like this ? I’m not scolding - at least that’s not my intention and sincere apologies if that’s the way I come across.

My background is in disability support. Twenty years of it. The toll exacted on families of those with mental health problems is terrible. I’ve been personally involved with many families who have been torn apart by their loved ones attempting suicide - some of whom were successful, and some of whom ended up sectioned and hospitalised, as in OP’s case. So of course my kneejerk reaction is to support because that’s who I am and what I did for so long.

The main reason I was so active on this thread was because there were so many posters just not bothering to read updates and posting awful comments towards an OP clearly - or so I thought - in a very distressing situation. There’s clearly more here than meets the eye, and as I said, unfortunately we only ever get one side of any story. But I’m still not convinced that OP is lying or underhand, or any of the other things she’s been accused of here. But on reflection I can’t offer up any evidence to support that other than gut feeling based on experience. I’m sorry if those on the thread think that makes me a bad person and even sorrier if I’ve offended.

Youneedas · Yesterday 18:34

All I ask is that you remember this on future threads @ThreadGuardDog when as has been mentioned by multiple posters on this one thread - you become absolutely dogmatic that the OP can not be questioned or doubted. You end up utterly dominating threads 90% of which is ordering posters not to question or to re read.

It would seem on this one at least - you are beginning to see that questioning and sometimes doubting and being skeptical is not a crime.

Fingers crossed this sees a change in your approach to Mumsnet. It will be welcomed by many