AIBU to stop helping neighbours after they involved their son?

Can’t you leave the Son out of it and just say you can no longer help as it is getting too much for you, you have to prioritise your health. What they have you doing is way over normal neighbourly help. Feed the cat is normal, rest of stuff is over the top. If Son is there he can do all of that and they don’t need you at all really.

A note with you can no longer do it.
No explanation whatsoever and avoid them completely going forward.
For them they have moved on from what he did.
THEIR coping mechanism.

Yanbu at all.

If John is able to do the cat medication, I think it’s best if you ask him to take care of all of it. This isn’t something that I wish to do any more going forwards.

As a previous poster suggested, write a polite note stating that you are no longer able to assist them , no reasons, no wriggle room for them to argue with you. Then put in an envelope and through their door. It’s not as if they don’t have anyone else to ask.

For what it’s worth, my cats are taken care of by a young couple who are building up a business pet feeding, vet visiting and dog walking. I would not dream of asking them to haul my bin and recycling to the kerb, it’s just not part of the deal.

My initial reaction, never mind the dodgy son, was that if they can afford 5-7 holidays a year, they can afford to book a cattery for their mog.

IMO they have been royally taking the piss with their expectations.

I was in a similar situation with my neighbours (less the son situation). I sent a polite message saying unfortunately I was finding it very difficult to fit in all the tasks required around my already very busy day and it would be better to find someone else. They were fine and very soon found someone else. Ironically that other person doesn’t spend ages watering all the garden either!

You are not being unreasonable. They were asking too much anyway. But your work place puts up pictured of sex offenders who did their offences 20 years ago?

And how did u find this out ? U said throu work I hope U haven't breached any rules by doing this ?
Obviously your neighbours won't be open because it's a private family matter and none of your business
At the same time they cud have made and excuse I said actually op leave all the jobs out son will do it all and u wud have been safe and non the wiser I can see it throu both sides I see your angry 😡

Op says "My work has absolutely no access to records of any criminal. They literally print out pictures and descriptions of local sex offenders that are of public knowledge. My work don’t even know what he’s done, only the basis which is of public knowledge. I dug around at home in my own time to find out more. I love the outrage over nothing though, very dramatic!"

This is very similar to a situation I once found myself in. My friends moved to an isolated community and very quickly became friends with the neighbour. I was asked to house sit while the neighbour was on holiday. All good. I had a lovely time. Shortly afterwards my friends asked me if I could house sit for a year because the neighbour had to ‘go away’ for a while. They told me that he would tell me all about it. He told me he had got in a fight and because he had previous for GBH he would be going to prison. I had a feeling that I wasn’t getting the full story. It transpired his step grandchildren had made complaints to the police about inappropriate touching and he was bailed with conditions that he couldn’t stay at his house. I then did some digging myself and found out 20 odd years before he went to prison for sexually assaulting a young girl. By this time he had already started pursuing a relationship with my friends daughter who had a young daughter herself - text book embedding himself into a family to gain access to a child. I was horrified and told my friend that he lied to me and asked what on earth they were thinking of asking me to stay there again when they knew the truth, and why they didn’t tell me themselves. My friend said he knew I’d get ‘excited’ if I knew. Excited ffs? Try livid! They seemed completely unaware that his interest in a relationship with their daughter (who was young enough to be his own daughter) may not have been all it seemed. I think he used my friend to try and get off because he knew they had worked in the judicial system and had contacts. My friend actually said he was inclined to think the man was guilty but his wife felt sorry for him and wanted to help him. He did go back to prison and my friendship faded away. No idea what became of the neighbour but I know the former friends moved much further away afterwards.

I would not tell them you know about their son because of your job. That’s likely to get you into trouble.

Just say it’s no longer viable for you to do the cat, and they have their son to help anyway.

I got collared helping out an elderly neighbour after she had cataract surgery. For 4 weeks I had to walk her dog twice a day and do her eye drops 4 x a day.... it was insane looking back as I had 3 young DC and a dog of my own. What got me was that if I was 10 minutes late, she was on the phone all upset that I'd forgotten or saying that the dog was desperate to go out (it had a garden). It was entirely on her timetable and she was so inflexible. When she rang me a few months later to say she was having the other eye done, I had to say to her that I could walk the dog on weekdays but it would be when I walked mine and she'd have to get someone else to do her eye drops as I couldn't commit to a month of that. What really irked was that she had 5 sons, 5 daughter in laws, adult grandchildren and not one of them lifted a finger to help her.

She's now got dementia along with some serious health issues and her family are only ever there for the odd hour on a Sunday

I wouldn't go anywhere near him or anywhere near a place he might turn up at with his own key.

But I would also be extremely wary of upsetting him or his elderly parents. You never know, he might become your neighbour one day so keep things light and don’t worry about having to tell a fib.

Dear neighbours, that’s great to hear that your son can look after Tabby while you are away. This news has coincided with medical advice I have just received encouraging me to stay well away from cats. I had wanted to let you know about this asap, as I am now unable to help out with Tabby and with the garden etc. I’ve popped your back door key in an envelope and put it through your letter box. Hope that’s ok. Enjoy your holiday!

If they aren't aware of further convictions they may thinks he is rehabilitated as that's the line he is likely telling them. Before writing them off I would have a civil conversation to find out what they do and don't know about him. If they think he's been rehabilitated they probably didn't see a danger.

That said, why can't you go water the plants after he has left, tell them if he's doing meds he may as well feed the cat to, that way you can avoid him and not even need to enter the house

Am so sorry, no, they are inconsiderate to say the least. Besides, if their son is there to medicate the cat then he can do the rest of the chores. Just say you cannot help any further, don't need to explain.
Am glad you found out OP.

If they can afford to go away so much they can afford to pay someone to do it for them. They’re absolutely taking the piss expecting you to do all that for them. YANBU to not want to be around a sex offender.

Take this as a lesson never to allow yourself to get sucked in by grifters like these taking advantage of you! Think more of yourself and your time and tell them to fuck off!

"I'm so relieved that your son is now available when you're away. If he's coming to do the medication, of course he'll be able to do the other tasks as well, which will free me from a commitment that's become quite onerous over the years Thanks for letting me know"

I mean most parents will never see their child as a bad person or a risk to anyone, no matter what they’ve done. They won’t see him as a sex offender, they’ll see him as their son, so I doubt they even considered the risk to you. But you’re not being unreasonable at all, even if the son didn’t exist you’ve been doing way too much for them for way too long. I assume these favours aren’t reciprocated and it’s not a two-way thing? Have you contacted them and told them why you’re not doing it anymore?

Sounds like they are taking the piss generally. So draw a boundary and say no. The son does make it worse but it’s almost a red herring, in that they are just CFs.

That's very good.
Very firm and final.
No need to get into any further dialogue after sending that.

Silly question...do they actually know that he's a sex offender?
My mum had an elderly neighbour who's son was in prison, everyone knew bar his mother!

I don't know what I think about the son.
But even without him I think they have been taking advantage of you for years, expecting too much from you and for you to be at their beck and call all the time . Did they ever even buy you a gift or thank you?
I think the time has come to tell them you are finding it too much and you can't help them anymore. Besides if their son is able to go to the house to give the car medication why can't he don't be other things?

People asking if he is still a category 3, would you be happy to take a chance just because he hasn't possibly been caught/charged recently enough, would you let a young woman alone in his company because it's been 20 years since his last conviction?

I honestly don’t think I could stop myself from telling them how upset I was that they would put me in the position of potentially being alone in their house with their son. That’s absolutely disgusting of them to do that to you. After everything you’ve done for the, over the years too.

I would say that to them, and say that because of that you don’t want to be on their property again and will no longer help them. Not in a note though, because as PP has said, the son might find it first.

I wouldn’t care if they fell out with me over it, I wouldn’t want any further contact with someone who would put me in danger like that.