AIBU to stop helping neighbours after they involved their son?

I think honestly is the best policy put a note through saying you won’t be able to do it
due to there son being involved and they will know the reason why

Presumably if he was convicted 20 years ago then has no convictions since, he’s not a level 3 offender!

Do you think if you told them the truth face to face that it would have a bad outcome?

I’d want to try and find a way to manage it so they know you don’t want their son going round the house more too - but sadly I don’t think you have much control over that.

What happens if the son’s the one who finds the note?! Could he get aggressive?

@Yorkshirelasss , I think this is a great suggestion. It doesn't mention their son and there is a finality to it as well as ending on good terms.
You need to stop doing them favours. Fullstop.

The way you are going, you are very soon to be responsible for booking their trips, organising their holiday accommodations and airport transfers etc, cleaning their entire house while they were away and sorting fresh flowers, milk, bread, eggs for the day they return!

There is no 'sorry, i can't help this time'.
You have never been safe there, in their house. The son could have popped in at anytime.

This is what I was wondering. How long after a conviction does someone count as being high risk of reoffending.

As PP have said they were already taking the piss before casually tossing the highly dangerous sex offender son into the mix.

Tell them you can no longer help because of a sudden-onset serious chronic health condition lthat you'd prefer not to disclose to them). If they can afford all those holidays, then it's time they paid someone to do what sounds increasingly like an actual job.

OP, your neighbours are users. I agree with the approach suggested above by another pp, return the key now and say it's all become too much due to health/personal reasons and sadly won't be able to help with any tasks going forward. If they have enough money for so many holidays then they can install a drip irrigation system in their garden on a timer, that sorts the flower beds. For the cat, either their son takes it on, or they put their cat in a cattery while they're away.

If they're likely to try and rope in the other neighbour for more duties, is there any worth in quietly letting the other neighbour know about the son, in case it's putting her in danger?

@Yorkshirelasss
What a horrible position to be put in by your neighbours.

Not only are they taking advantage of you with the cat sitting, plant watering etc, they're actually prepared to put your safety at risk by putting you under the nose of a high risk sex offender, outrageous.

Based on the fact that they're prepared to put you at risk, the gloves would be off.

I wouldnt mention reasons just in case they tell their son, I'd just say "sorry, I cant cat sit anymore" rinse and repeat.

They're bound to kick back as they're losing their free cat sitter, you need hold a firm line.

Awful situation to be in ❤️

How have they expressed their gratitude for these many years of free labour? I hope they come back with wine / flowers / chocolates.

As their son is available, he should now do all the cat and flowerbed care.

That’s nonsense. He may be assessed as posing a very high risk (although this is rare), but that is nothing to do with his “level”. That’s about the number of agencies involved in managing his case. Where have you got this information, OP?

Sorry, just seen you’re in the US.

Sex offender son aside - which is bad enough!

They are taking the piss out of you, OP. Don’t let them. I’m irritated on your behalf.

If the song can do the cats meds, then surely he can do all the other jobs whilst he’s there.

Totally unacceptable of them to allow you and him in the same house alone

I'm glad you've decided to pull back. I can see how this has happened but they genuinely might have thought you didn't mind as you kept saying yes.

If your neighbours can afford to go on holiday 5-7 times a year they can afford to pay a cat sitter etc. Just tell them it doesn't work for you and you don't want the responsibility of it anymore if you don't want to mention the son

I did some voluntary work and did see some sex offenders in the line of it - I feel so sorry for the families of them - I mean what do they do? What can they do - I suppose you can cut all contact and leave them to their fate, probably crap bedsit and benefits. Who would employ them?
But these parents should not be putting others at risk.

If she asks and you decide to speak just say it’s common knowledge that he is a sex offender and you were happy to help until they said he would be present.

If it’s in the public domain then people will be aware and some will remember it from when it occurred.

Just say its common knowledge he is a sex offender and you don't feel it's right them putting you at risk like that so going forwards they need to find someone else.

Give them your key back and tell them that unfortunately you can longer look after the cat.
I'd be stepping right back from them. I dont get how some people continue to have contact with such people and think they have not done anything wrong ?

A son of a relatives friend is a convicted pedophile. Relative still goes out with the friend. Despite the friend claiming the son did nothing wrong, it was a mistake, the girls led him on etc etc.

He got 3 years for offences including grooming. Girls were 13/14 and he was 30. Written proof he knew the ages. Absolute scum and I have avery dim view of the relative who still associates with the friend.

You don't know that though. They've offended before they can always offend in the future. Sex offenders do not change.

YANBU to stop doing all of this for them. They’ve crossed a line.
Interested to know how they respond when you stop. Keep us updated please OP

I’ve accidentally clicked that you are being unreasonable and I do apologise because you are absolutely not at all. I’m so sorry that they put you in this position.

That’s awful of them to not care about your safety but only their needs. I’d stop completely with the favours going forward. I’m glad you knew about the son to have that foresight that others may not.

I would write something like:

After giving it some thought I’ve decided that I won’t be able to help with cat sitting or house-sitting duties going forward.

I’ve been happy to help over the last few years, but I’m no longer able to take this on and have decided it’s best I step back completely. I will drop the key back to you at a convenient time.

I wish you and your cat all the best, and I hope you’re able to find alternative arrangements for future trips.

Best Wishes