To ask for your best responses to ‘gender disappointment’

I don’t understand why you’d keep it secret. I mean, it’s not like it’s a surprise either way. Pretty much 50/50 boy or girl. It’s not going to involve you saying ‘Oh, we just heard it’s kittens!’

My SIL is having her second and we all know she’s having a girl. The whole pregnancy and waiting 6 months has just become boring for everyone but the parents, that’s all.

It’s so much better when we only know they are pregnant and not the sex of the baby until arrival day.

I have two girls. Nobody has ever said anything negative about it. I would be interested to know if women who have two boys get negative comments more than women with two girls. I have a feeling they do.

Honestly, it wouldn’t have bothered me if anybody did say something because I’ve never felt that ‘one of each’ was the ideal.

Pre-empt them: 'We're SO delighted it's another boy/girl.We have all the clothes and toys and they will be great playmates. Really relieved."

If anyone says anything after that, they are winding you up.

Surely only if your life is so dull that whether a baby is a boy or a girl is the most suspenseful and surprising thing going on in it? I mean, it's 50/50! Either way is a 'That's nice!' moment.

Sometimes I do think people just say anything for something to say.

However this is quite an insensitive remark in this day and age, and I wouldn’t be shy about giving a blunt response

People say annoying stuff. When I'd had my second and turned up at playgroup with my 3 year old daughter and the new baby, also a girl, in her pram, one of the helpers asked me what 'flavour' I'd had ! I thought that was a disgusting comment.

Just wanted to add:

If anybody did say anything negative about my two girls I’d reply “I’m not disappointed, I absolutely love it!”

I think this too.

Of course a healthy baby is the highest priority.

After that it is very common for parents to have a preference for a particular gender so that they get to experience raising both a boy and a girl.

Just because many of us have this preference does not mean we’re not grateful to have a healthy baby!

Both can be true at the same time.

I think it’s incredibly rude to ask if you’re disappointed about your own baby.
I’d just say “Of course not!”
What is wrong with people?

It's a perfectly normal conversation starter and it's nice people are showing an interest in your views on this. I'd try to be grateful for that.

Perhaps you're being sensitive for a reason you're not aware of yet.

To answer your question, you could try deflecting or getting ahead of those comments by starting with something like: we have been told we're expecting XYZ, and we've fielded a lot of well-meaning interest regarding our babies' gender - we're thrilled we're having two girls/boys and would love to focus now on any tips or advice anyone has, or maybe suggestions for great deals on nappies / clothes / cots (insert relevant topics!! Can't help you here!). Basically: change the subject while you announce the gender.

Depends how brutal you want to be....

"You're right, I'll get an abortion and try again for a different one"

"We are blessed, so it hurts that people sound disappointed about our news."

"We’ll make sure to let them know you wanted a different one"

"How pathetic that a unborn baby's genitals are enough to ruin your mood."

Quite a lot of people are open and vocal about their gender preference, or not so open but bring it up in private conversations. Many consider it just a normal conversation

Not saying this makes it pleasant, I wouldn’t ever comment on gender not positively, but it’s hardly a deranged thing that requires an F off response

I mean could you say something along those lines? I’ve had people ask me if I’m worried about gaining baby weight… knowing I’ve had endometriosis surgery, IVF and a miscarriage. This includes my mum 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. I said it’s been a battle to get here
and it’s not a priority or concern of mine, and I want to protect this pregnancy by eating well and not dieting which would be unhealthy. I had one person try to claim in response they were just asking if my bump was getting big yet 🤣. Yea right

I think the reality is people seem to have no social filter with pregnant women and can’t help but project their own mad hang ups or beliefs onto you

It’s the same with the “just wait until X Y Z” comments to pregnant women

Thats a strange thing to say to me when im sharing my happy news with you.

Ugh people are so obsessed with baby’s gender! We had two of the same for a few years and had so many random strangers ask us if we were ‘going to try for a girl’. We did have a third baby but definitely not because we wanted a different gender. We actually expected to have another boy.

Our two boys are absolute best friends by the way, are into all the same things due to a small age gap (just under 2 years) and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Also you can easily recycle all your first child’s clothes! 😅

Fair. Maybe I’m not that overly interested at all.

You state ‘I prefer two children same gender’

Looks like you also have a preference then!

People can't say anything anymore. It's just small talk. Why let it bother you? Telling someone essentially to fuck off is a really sad attitude, let's all be kinder to improve the world for the child you're bringing here.

This is why I didnt tell anyone
I therefore did not ask for nor get their unwanted opinion
Its much easier if you adopt this approach in life

They are not really suffering from gender disappointment, they are just churning out familiar tropes like we do with the weather. I think pithy cutdowns are a bit OTT, there's no need to be unpleasant. "Oh no, we're thrilled" with a big smile should cover it.

When I was pregnant with my second after my many miscarriages my mom kept telling me ' everyone needs a daughter ' and was quite clearly hoping I had a girl ( first was a boy and we didn't find out sex )

it annoyed me as she knew what I had gone through with the miscarriages so at the point I really didn't care what the sex was .

Given a choice I would have had a second son. He was. But people still said, "Another boy? Oh never mind." (Back then we didn't know till they were born if they were boys or girls.) Girls - I wouldn't have known what to do with them if they'd been 'girly' girls. Make-up? A complete mystery to me. Pop culture? Equal mystery. Temperamental teenagers? No thanks. Boys suited me very well. Both now adults with children of their own. And I have two lovely 'daughters'.

I never know on these threads why it’s acceptable to not want a girl but is completely unacceptable to not want a boy.