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AIBU?

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Original poster

Unequal inheritance between families.

45 replies

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 15:52

My husband and I have no children. We are soon to write our wills. We have both worked full time and are now retired with private pensions. I have 2 siblings and so does he. We have 5 nieces and nephews between us. 3 are my biological relations and 2 are his. We want to split the inheritance which will be money and properties so that half go to my family and half to his. We are leaving a token cash gift to our siblings worth 10% total of estate. Is this reasonable ? Do you think there will be any dispute over this ?

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 24/09/2026 15:53

Who would you expect to dispute your wills? Surely anyone receiving any money would be grateful for it. They're not your children, so there should be no expectations at all.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 15:59

What happens when almost certainly one of you dies before the other and potentially many years before

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:02

How long have you and your husband been married?

Original poster
autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:02

We would stipulate that the nieces and nephews would get the same expectations from the remaining estate. Should it be 1/5 or split in half and the divided amongst siblings ?

OP posts:
MellowSubmarine · 24/09/2026 16:02

I’m assuming your worry is that your nieces/nephews get 1/3 of 50%, and his get 1/2 of 50%? And could your nieces/nephews dispute that? No, they couldn’t.

Practically your issue is that if you die, I assume it all goes to your DH first? And there’s nothing requiring him to stick to your wishes. And vice versa if he dies first.

Original poster
autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:03

We have been married over 35 years. Nieces and nephews have been born since this time and are all currently under 20 years old.

OP posts:
Original poster
autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:04

we would write a will to ensure our wishes go forward when one dies.

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:06

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:04

we would write a will to ensure our wishes go forward when one dies.

and if one of you remarry?

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:07

Are we talking a large estate here? Mumsnet isn’t the place to go. Fork out a few hundred for a solicitor for goodness sake!

user9764875954 · 24/09/2026 16:08

In your position, I’d give the kids equal amounts now for house deposits/investments/pension contributions etc and spend the rest yourselves, assuming they are young adults. You need money all the more the younger you are!
However if you’ve no liquid assets, I would still leave equally in your will to the younger generation, but wouldn’t complicate things by leaving anything to your siblings.
Another plan would be to spend it yourselves and enjoy it - it may all end up being spent on care for one or both of you, hard to predict what the future holds. My relative lived 8yrs in a 60k a year residential home - that was10yrs ago, so goodness knows what they charge now, some of the residents were there before they moved in and after they checked out…

ClickClickety · 24/09/2026 16:09

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:04

we would write a will to ensure our wishes go forward when one dies.

You can't rely on that, any will is invalidated on remarriage. The fairest system might just be a will that bequeaths your half to your relatives and his will does the same. Or if you don't want to put half the property in trust then you can make your will and hope for the best.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 24/09/2026 16:11

You can’t future proof the plan in the will- the survivor can freely change it, or it be changed automatically if they remarry.

You will need to leave your 50% on your death, with life interest to the survivor in some way that you need a legal bod to specify.

curious79 · 24/09/2026 16:12

I think an equal amount to each niece or nephew. You’re not a parent dividing it between your own children. You are a relation enriching an next generation, for which they are very lucky, but don’t make it so that one set of nieces and nephews are considerably more enriched

Nofeckingway · 24/09/2026 16:13

Would you be happy to just split it 5 ways so all your nieces and nephews get the same amount ?

TonTonMacoute · 24/09/2026 16:14

Are you both planning to die at the same time? Will the surviving spouse be the sole beneficiary of the one who dies first? I believe that’s the most tax efficient way to pass on the money.

In any event, I would forget siblings and divide whatever money is left in the estate money equally between nieces and nephews.

MellowSubmarine · 24/09/2026 16:16

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:04

we would write a will to ensure our wishes go forward when one dies.

How? Are you putting your half into a trust when you die, eg the house would be in a trust for the nieces/nephews, with your husband able to live in it until death?
Because otherwise, the surviving spouse can rewrite their will.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:18

This is all very woolly Op and you and your husband seemed to have based your planning on both of you conking it at the same time!

StandingDeskDisco · 24/09/2026 16:23

You need to take into account potential as-yet-not-born neices and nephews if either of your siblings may yet have more children, e.g. if they remarry.

An experienced solicitor will help with all of this.

As for the basic question of how it is divided, either way is fair.

Original poster
autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:23

Yes, initially it goes to other half, then on second death remainder goes to family.
we will get advice but I wanted to know if this is considered morally ok.
we can leave it all to nieces and nephews. They will receive 150 k each in today’s money taking out 100 for solicitors and funerals.

OP posts:
Original poster
autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:25

We are still young and fairly fit enough to travel at moment so there may be quite a considerable sum of cash gone by that time. Blush

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:25

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:23

Yes, initially it goes to other half, then on second death remainder goes to family.
we will get advice but I wanted to know if this is considered morally ok.
we can leave it all to nieces and nephews. They will receive 150 k each in today’s money taking out 100 for solicitors and funerals.

“Morally ok”? Well sure half and half
but I won’t be structuring my inheritance according to that’s morally ok

I will be structuring my inheritance according to who I wish to receive it and on what amount.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:33

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:23

Yes, initially it goes to other half, then on second death remainder goes to family.
we will get advice but I wanted to know if this is considered morally ok.
we can leave it all to nieces and nephews. They will receive 150 k each in today’s money taking out 100 for solicitors and funerals.

It will all go to the other half unless you stipulate otherwise
and then they can do what they damn well want to do with it!

saraclara · 24/09/2026 16:47

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:23

Yes, initially it goes to other half, then on second death remainder goes to family.
we will get advice but I wanted to know if this is considered morally ok.
we can leave it all to nieces and nephews. They will receive 150 k each in today’s money taking out 100 for solicitors and funerals.

So say your DH dies, half of his estate goes to his nieces/nephews. But at some point after his death, it turns out that you need care, and your savings and the money from selling your home goes to pay for it. Then, on your death, your niece's/nephews get nothing, or very little, while his got the £150k each. Is that what you want ?

I can't help feeling that you haven't researched and talked this through thoroughly.

Original poster
autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:57

we will see a solicitor and gather advice. It’s just the moral question of half and half to nieces and nephews. So only 50% between 3 and 50% between 2.

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:59

autumnleaf123 · 24/09/2026 16:57

we will see a solicitor and gather advice. It’s just the moral question of half and half to nieces and nephews. So only 50% between 3 and 50% between 2.

yes sure if that is what you need from AIBU before actually getting some much needed legal advice… it’s “moral”!

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