AIBU not to reduce my children’s Christmas presents to match stepchildren’s?

Given the amount of blended families these days I don’t think that’s true at all!

I'm sure that I would feel the same as you op if I was in your shoes, but I would never be in your shoes because blended families just don't work.

I don't think you are horrible but, as a step child myself, I can say 100% I would have been very upset if I'd woken up on Christmas morning and my step siblings had more gifts from our parents than I did.

It really depends on the extend to which you are actually seeing yourself as one family, but if you're spending Christmas morning together, that implies that you want to be one unit.

So, as one unit, you need to agree an approach to Christmas gifts, and apply that to everyone.

It's also fine not to be one unit... but don't spend Christmas morning together in that case. It's not fair on the kids who get less to sit there watching their 'step siblings' open more presents.

Just save some of your kids presents for them to open later when your step kids go to their mums.

Tbh if your step kids are old enough to need their own rooms I think they’re old enough to understand.

So just explain it to them in advance - they’ll get gifts from their dad and then separately from their mum.

Your kids will only be getting gifts from you.

So when they look at the gifts in the morning it will look like your kids got more, but that’s because they’re getting all their gifts then, whereas the stepkids will also be getting more of their gifts later. Overall it will end up equal.

My 9 year old would understand that, it’s not too difficult a concept for them surely?

In this situation, can you please explain to me exactly how your kids benefit from this arrangement? Because from where I am it seems they don’t, at all. They have to share a room 100% of the time while their step siblings have two bedrooms each. The living situation hasn’t bright now money into the house, in fact it’s cost more so less in the pot for them. You are getting sex for your part of the deal so I’m hoping that’s at least good. Your kids though? They really got the shitty end of the stick and now he wants to take away half their presents

Thank you for this. Since a lot of posters think I’m being absolutely horrible for even considering not spending the same. I know blended families get a lot of hate on here and I don’t know why, especially when you don’t know us. You’re saying every single parent can’t ever live with someone again.
To all those people, yes there will always be inequalities within blended families, that’s just how it is. You just need to try and make sure it doesn’t impact on the kids. Even if we lived separately it would still be unequal in some areas. They just possibly wouldn’t know.
And actually 2 of my kids shared a bedroom before we lived together. I would love for them to have their own room but it’s not possible right now. My aim is that they will before high school. His kids are 14 and 12. And different sexes. So they can’t really share. My kids are 5,6 and 8. So quite a big age gap. And they all get on really well actually and they love being here the most when everyone’s here. His kids only want to be here this Christmas because of the other kids.
So for the suggestion that we should just move into separate houses, not helpful! And the kids would hate that actually.
Not sure why money matters. But ok. I spend about £300 on each of mine. I don’t get the hate for why he doesn’t spend more either. That’s just not his values. He doesn’t believe that Christmas should be about gifts and hasn’t grown up like that. And he’s right when he says kids just end up with a lot of toys that just get lost or go unused after a few days. But their mum spends way more than me so they’re definitely not missing out.
Anyway, a lot of mixed opinions so not a very helpful thread. With some assumptions thrown in there about choosing my sex life over my kids! Based on this one question I have. So judgy and unnecessary but ok.

I came on to say this 🙌

Even if that were accurate, it doesn't on this occasion.

Why should OP's kids have less when her partner's kids will get a whole second Christmas with their own mother?

Thank you for this. Since a lot of posters think I’m being absolutely horrible for even considering not spending the same. I know blended families get a lot of hate on here and I don’t know why, especially when you don’t know us. You’re saying every single parent can’t ever live with someone again.
To all those people, yes there will always be inequalities within blended families, that’s just how it is. You just need to try and make sure it doesn’t impact on the kids. Even if we lived separately it would still be unequal in some areas. They just possibly wouldn’t know.
And actually 2 of my kids shared a bedroom before we lived together. I would love for them to have their own room but it’s not possible right now. My aim is that they will before high school. His kids are 14 and 12. And different sexes. So they can’t really share. My kids are 5,6 and 8. So quite a big age gap. And they all get on really well actually and they love being here the most when everyone’s here. His kids only want to be here this Christmas because of the other kids.
So for the suggestion that we should just move into separate houses, not helpful! And the kids would hate that actually.
Not sure why money matters. But ok. I spend about £300 on each of mine. I don’t get the hate for why he doesn’t spend more either. That’s just not his values. He doesn’t believe that Christmas should be about gifts and hasn’t grown up like that. And he’s right when he says kids just end up with a lot of toys that just get lost or go unused after a few days. But their mum spends way more than me so they’re definitely not missing out.
Anyway, a lot of mixed opinions so not a very helpful thread. With some assumptions thrown in there about choosing my sex life over my kids! Based on this one question I have. So judgy and unnecessary but ok.

Just save some of your kids presents for them to open later when your step kids go to their mums.

have a blended family. This is the first Christmas we will all be together on Christmas morning. I have 3 children, my DP has 2. Generally we still take control of our own children’s presents at Christmas. As money wise it’s a bit tight if I were to add 2 more children I need to buy for.
I usually spend X amount for each of my children which is what I can afford. That includes stockings and Christmas Eve boxes. This year is also the first year they’ll be here for Christmas Eve. My DP doesn’t usually do boxes so I will get an extra 2 for them so they’re not left out. But for presents he also spends X amount on them each which is around half the amount of what I spend. He can’t really afford to spend more and says I should reduce what I spend on my kids so it’s equal. AIBU if I don’t do that?
I feel that my kids shouldn’t have less than what they’re used to, but also can see that it won’t look great if his kids have less to open. But for me, I have my kids 100% of the time. My DPs kids will go to their mums later in the day and get presents there too, so I feel it’s unfair for my children to get less when generally over all they get less anyway.
Moving in together hasn’t saved us money as obviously we needed a bigger house which costs a lot more to run. 2 of my kids share a bedroom, everyone else has their own room even though his kids are here less than half the time. But I agreed with that as they’re older. But I don’t want my kids to have less of everything to accommodate my step kids all the time when actually their maternal family spoil them so they’re not really missing out. But I know kids probably won’t see it that way. What would you do?
I don’t begrudge my step kids in any way, they’re lovely kids. But I am a sole parent to mine effectively and feel I need to prioritise them. My DP understands this but says to his kids it will look like WE have spent less on them as obviously the kids don’t know that we keep things separate. Previous years they’ve opened presents separately so hasn’t been an issue.