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AIBU?

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AIBU to worry about my stepson's aggression towards the younger children?

89 replies

Wafflecakes · 23/09/2026 18:47

I’m not sure how to deal with this? My stepson is 7, almost 8. He lives with his mum and stays with us every other weekend. We have a blended family, I have 2 children from a previous relationship and we have a child together. My partners son has over the last few years become very aggressive, always fighting and lashing out. He seems to be able to manage who he lashes out at as he doesn’t go for my son who is older but will go for my daughter who is 9. He’s started threatening and pushing over my 3 year old daughter. He doesn’t have ASD or anything, but always seems miserable and angry. My partners son instantly will shift blame and say they shouldn’t wind him up but they aren’t doing anything out of the ordinary for children their ages. He is the one who comes in the house calling my daughter fat etc. I’ve told my partner he needs to take him for some help as the behaviour isn’t normal ( he does this at both homes, at school, at football) and how a boy his age certainly should know better than to hit girls especially a 3 year old. Is this typical behaviour? How do I approach this? My partner instantly shifts blame to try and explain the behaviour unless it’s witnessed infront of multiple adults then he will discipline him. Any advice please as I’m anxious with the build up to every other weekend, I don’t want his son to feel unwelcome but equally I don’t relax and i am scared to leave my child in the room with him. Prior to the aggressive behaviour he was a very quiet, clingy child. He has been in trouble at school for bullying on a few occasions but nothing else is being done to see what’s causing this behaviour

OP posts:
CelticSilver · 23/09/2026 19:15

Anendlessseriesofunfortunateevents · 23/09/2026 19:11

Vbucks!

How long has he been playing Fortnite for??

My sons played Fortnite from 8. They've never hit anyone in their (real) lives.

Wafflecakes · 23/09/2026 19:14

Makebelieveanotherlife · 23/09/2026 19:09

Absolutely agree. Selfish really

What is selfish? Having a one night stand which results in a child doesn’t mean your life has to go on hold for the next 18 years. My husband works hard to provide for his son. He’s actually just booked a football trip to Portugal for a week just them two. I’m more concerned he has an underlying problem and isn’t getting the correct support or even a professionals opinion. Not every blended family/ step parent situation is a disaster. We are having issues with one child’s behaviour out of 4 children.

OP posts:
Tulipsriver · 23/09/2026 19:12

I feel sorry for all the children in this set up. Clearly it is unacceptable for your children to be treated like this in their own home, but he seems desperately unhappy.

Has he had therapy? Many children, quite understandably, don't cope well with a blended family. Especially if this blended family includes half siblings. Unfortunately he has no say in the matter and is having to try and cope with very complicated feelings at a young age. Not every child is able to do so. Some become anxious and withdrawn, some fawn, and some lash out at others 🤷‍♀️

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 23/09/2026 19:11

He might get his share of attention but there are seven children split between two houses. That’s a huge number to contend with.

Wafflecakes · 23/09/2026 19:11

SamuraiSally · 23/09/2026 19:07

Poor kid. What a messy situation for him to have to navigate at an early age. He sounds very unhappy.

Blended families only work for the adults, never the kids.

As I’d mentioned above, his mum and dad were never in a relationship so he has never known them as a family unit. His dad and I have been together 6 years and married for 2. He comes on every family holiday, trip, days out, he has plenty of 1-1 time with his dad, more than our daughter has with her dad as to accommodate his son. My husband works long hours and doesn’t see our daughter through the week as she is asleep when he gets home, and at nursery in the day. She also has dancing on the weekend and he watches his son at football the weekends he doesn’t have him.

OP posts:
Anendlessseriesofunfortunateevents · 23/09/2026 19:11

Vbucks!

How long has he been playing Fortnite for??

Makebelieveanotherlife · 23/09/2026 19:09

SamuraiSally · 23/09/2026 19:07

Poor kid. What a messy situation for him to have to navigate at an early age. He sounds very unhappy.

Blended families only work for the adults, never the kids.

Absolutely agree. Selfish really

arethereanyleftatall · 23/09/2026 19:09

I would protect my daughters as my first priority. And if that means moving out, that’s what I’d do. And I’d do that even if my partner was a decent man or parent. Yours very clearly isn’t, given how he takes his sons side over his daughters, so as I would have absolutely no attraction to a man like that, I would end the relationship.

Makebelieveanotherlife · 23/09/2026 19:08

I feel sorry for this child. A whole lot of children on both sides, different relationships, parents and step parents. That is lot for a young child to understand and accept

SamuraiSally · 23/09/2026 19:07

Poor kid. What a messy situation for him to have to navigate at an early age. He sounds very unhappy.

Blended families only work for the adults, never the kids.

Wafflecakes · 23/09/2026 19:00

I’m sorry maybe I didn’t explain enough, we have him every other weekend but my partners son instantly sees him more regularly on his own taking him for tea after school midweek, takes him on his own to football practice and games every weekend etc he never misses them times I take the other children to their activities alone to accommodate that. He is fine on his own with an adult, it’s other children he doesn’t get along with. He can switch the behaviour to lovely if he’s getting something if he’s told no for anything the lashing out, swearing and name calling starts. He has no experience of his mum and dad ever being together as they were never in a relationship but chose to both step up as parents for the child they created. I think both parents do a good job but they do parent in a way I find odd, such as, if you don’t hurt anyone this weekend or hit your sister you can get new football boots, vbucks, a new football etc. he has a brother at his mums house and 2 step siblings plus a half sister on this side. He gets more 1-1 than any other child within the family.

OP posts:
Peachghost · 23/09/2026 18:53

Hes a very young child who has gone through repeated massive upheaval, with that sort of instability through the early years is it any wonder he is struggling? Add to that the fact his dad cant be bothered to parent him, this kid didnt stand a chance. He needs clear, consistent boundaries from your partner, clear rules and consequences around violence and bullying, and probably a load of therapy.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 23/09/2026 18:53

Yeah, that’s worrying at his tender age. I would start by speaking to school, I think, because they are in a position to gather information from both families and his interactions in his class. They may also be able to refer for therapies and ed psych.

Definitely sounds like something is going on. What’s his dad’s behaviour like, stepdad’s, any older brothers? Is he feeling jealous and excluded from his dad by these children?

Holeymoley28 · 23/09/2026 18:50

Something is going on with him.

Does your partner take him out one on one. If not he needs to do that. If he does up it. Make sure he is listening to his child.

Id recommend for a while making sure the children are not alone with him till the root cause is found.

You need to protect your own children.

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