AIBU to worry about my stepson's aggression towards the younger children?

Something is going on with him.

Does your partner take him out one on one. If not he needs to do that. If he does up it. Make sure he is listening to his child.

Id recommend for a while making sure the children are not alone with him till the root cause is found.

You need to protect your own children.

Yeah, that’s worrying at his tender age. I would start by speaking to school, I think, because they are in a position to gather information from both families and his interactions in his class. They may also be able to refer for therapies and ed psych.

Definitely sounds like something is going on. What’s his dad’s behaviour like, stepdad’s, any older brothers? Is he feeling jealous and excluded from his dad by these children?

Hes a very young child who has gone through repeated massive upheaval, with that sort of instability through the early years is it any wonder he is struggling? Add to that the fact his dad cant be bothered to parent him, this kid didnt stand a chance. He needs clear, consistent boundaries from your partner, clear rules and consequences around violence and bullying, and probably a load of therapy.

Poor kid. What a messy situation for him to have to navigate at an early age. He sounds very unhappy.

Blended families only work for the adults, never the kids.

I feel sorry for this child. A whole lot of children on both sides, different relationships, parents and step parents. That is lot for a young child to understand and accept

I would protect my daughters as my first priority. And if that means moving out, that’s what I’d do. And I’d do that even if my partner was a decent man or parent. Yours very clearly isn’t, given how he takes his sons side over his daughters, so as I would have absolutely no attraction to a man like that, I would end the relationship.

Absolutely agree. Selfish really

Vbucks!

How long has he been playing Fortnite for??

He might get his share of attention but there are seven children split between two houses. That’s a huge number to contend with.

I feel sorry for all the children in this set up. Clearly it is unacceptable for your children to be treated like this in their own home, but he seems desperately unhappy.

Has he had therapy? Many children, quite understandably, don't cope well with a blended family. Especially if this blended family includes half siblings. Unfortunately he has no say in the matter and is having to try and cope with very complicated feelings at a young age. Not every child is able to do so. Some become anxious and withdrawn, some fawn, and some lash out at others 🤷‍♀️

My sons played Fortnite from 8. They've never hit anyone in their (real) lives.

None of that makes a scrap of difference. The current situation is not giving him what he needs.

He is a very unhappy little boy who is crying out for help.

Don't minimise the situation by trying to slap a label on it.

Oh behave! The OP said his mum and dad have never been together. Is his father expected to stay single until his DS is 18?

Consequences? He needs to be told to behave properly.

You’ll get slated here by unhelpful handwringers purely because you’re a stepparent.

He needs to be told off. The problem is his guilt-driven dad.

You're having difficulty with the child that has to see other children live with his Dad, while he doesn't. He needs intervention, to help process his feelings, but your DH is failing him by not getting it. You seem obvious to how the child is interpreting the living arrangements.

It’s slightly disturbing that his dad isn’t more concerned about sorting this out. He’s clearly
got an issue, to go from quiet and clingy to aggressive and lashing out at other children. Perhaps he’s being bullied, or worst case scenario - sexually abused. It needs looking into. Frame the conversation around concern for the boy, to prevent his dad going on the defensive.

I think it’s massively hard for kids to go and “stay” with their Dad (to use your word, rather than “lives with us eow”) in a house where other children live full time. And those other children presumably see you as just “staying with” them, whilst it’s their house.

I can’t really imagine how that must feel but it can’t be good.

Not those other children’s fault, but the adults involved, especially the parent they have in common, have to work extra hard to make sure the child feels equally at home and equally part of the family.

And he’s far too young for fortnight!

Why not take a step back from trying to fix your partner in to being a decent parent to his daughter, and think about why you are attracted and so defensive of a man who does nothing about his 3 year old daughter getting punched in the face.

I would probably feel aggressive too if I had to put up with a blended family, an adult who wasn’t my mum taking my dad’s attention and her two annoying kids PLUS a baby who is no doubt apple of their eyes and replacing me in my dad’s time and affection.

What a sh*t deal.

I think he needs extensive 1:1 time with his dad every weekend most importantly, and probably with his mum also while he’s there. He needs to feel like he is someone’s priority. There’s an awful lot that he can’t control going on here. How is he doing at school?