AIBU to consider a less stressful job before retirement?

No one on their death bed says I wish I had worked more hours or did a stressful job. It’s I wish I spent more time on hobbies, travelled or spent time with family / friends.

OP i think you have a few options; is there a similar role to what you had part time (this might be a good compromise). I would avoid a full time role at the same level and stress.

If this isn’t an option, I would go for a more junior role. Screw what family think you only live once.

Third option, have you considered a complete change and working in a supermarket? My MIL did this and loves it. Keeps her busy, staff discount and doesn’t bring any stress home.

I have had a similar experience to you and made the decision to do an “easier job” pre retirement. I also work less hours than I used to. The only downsides are obviously less money and I do occasionally get a bit bored in my job. Other than that it was the best decision I’ve ever and my life is so much happier and more enjoyable.

It sounds like your health has already told you that the previous situation wasn’t sustainable. There’s nothing wrong with choosing a less stressful role for the next few years, especially if salary isn’t the priority. You’ve worked hard for 30+ years, so wanting a bit more peace now seems completely reasonable.

When I retired at 57, my younger OH (54) decided to leave his well paying but busy & stressful career to go PT for a couple of years before stopping work completely.

He chose minimum wage, non-skilled roles and has not been happier (money is not the main consideration). Contrary to popular belief there appear to be plenty of these jobs available and he has moved a few times, usually because they want him to work more hours!😆
He leaves his work AT WORK and of course, has a whole lot more free time.

I would!
I am definitely considering this myself once DC are out of uni/mortgage paid off.
Life is short and your health is important

I’ve just retired from a full on full time career and it feels like I’ve screeched to a halt. I think I’d have rather wound down by doing less hours or a less full on job for a couple of years to make the adjustment easier

I worry I'll be bored or looked down on by my wider family/friends

Being bored is a possibility, I guess, but you could look outside of paid work for intellectual stimulation.
Looked down on by wider family & friends? Well, they wouldn't be very good friends or supportive family if they did that - presumably they know you've had work-related health issues? No way should you take such views into account. But are you sure you don't mean that you'd feel diminished by not being in a high-status job any more?
What about pension - if you take a more junior role can you absorb any hit in that respect?
But you know what's the sensible move because you've answered your own question: my health needs to come first.

People die from overwork all the time. Best it wasn't you.

Do what suits you

Winding down a bit before retirement sounds sensible to me

And if you're in an office, would your friends and family even know how senior (or not) you are? I have little or no idea what my friends and family are paid

Just to say I don’t think there is any benefit of doing a qualification later in life and hoping it will lead to employment. I see so many people taking the executive coaching route but supply massively outstrips demand.

I’d take the easier route and glide gently into retirement. I’m 60 but own a small business was so it allows me to travel and dip in and out as have a small team. I don’t cope as well with stress as I did when I was younger. Set it up nearly 20yrs ago. It’s another route but it can take a while to get established.

Remember health always trumps wealth.

What were the circumstances of your leaving OP? Did you ask for a settlement to go, or did you just quit? Why did you stay in your old job for 9 years if you hated it, did you look/apply for other positions in your field at the time?

Forgot to add; you need to do what suits you. If you force yourself back into the industry you left just bc you're worried about what those shitty work bullies think, you're allowing their behaviour to continue manipulating you.

You need to completely cut them out of your life and allow yourself to do what you really want. It's done now, you're free.

Sod what other people think. Chances are you’ll never meet some of them again anyway, so let them be think what they want. You can’t change them. You can only change how you react.

As for winding down - your health and time are non negotiables. Once they’ve gone they’ve gone.

As an early retiree, it’s wise to at least plan your retirement with things to do and look forward too. Personally it’s helped me massively by going very part time. It’s helped with purpose and structure to my days and weeks yet gives me masses of time to do what I want more or less when I want.

I did it. Money IS an issue for me and while things are sometimes pretty tight I have never once regretted it.

I’ve stepped down from a senior role in the city and now work two days a week in a local visitor center.

I don’t regret my decision one bit, obviously the money is a shock, but like you I’m lucky it’s not a factor for day to day living. My take home pay is around 10% of my old salary 🤭.

I have no work mobile or laptop for the first time in over 30 years and I’m loving it.

I’ve not been bored so far (I’m nine months into my new role) but do also sit as a Trustee for a national charity and so that does still need me to engage my brain a little.

Hope this helps.

I get what you are saying and for a short while I had similar feelings. The work I do now is much lower level albeit still an important job ie mental health support. I actually earn less now than I did in my twenties however, my take on it is, I’m privileged to be able to have choices and do something I enjoy with people I enjoy working with. Not everyone has that choice and I feel empowered by doing what I want and not what others expect of me. Pretty much everyone I know are aware of my skills and experience and know I could earn more etc so they are actually supportive of my choices and some are openly envious (in a nice way) Re your bully, they would think negatively of you whatever you did because that’s who they are. They are absolutely not worth thinking about.

I One hundred per cent agree!
I did something similar with absolutely no regrets. Sometimes you owe it to yourself and your family.

It's mad to me that anyone would want a stressful or high pressure job at any time of life. If I was in your shoes I would get a job doing something like working in a smart cafe or a clothes shop I liked to earn some cash, make friends and get out of the house (all the benefits of work but none of the downside).

I know what you mean about telling others you are cutting back to a role you perceive as not living up to others expectations. However I suspect that on some level you also think this, so you may need to reframe your own thinking.

Essentially you have "won" the professional game by having this as an option i.e. you must be financially successful to have the choice. It is a very good and intelligent option for you in terms of your wellbeing to phase into retirement and gradually build up the next phase of your life. You can contribute to society by other means than purely paid work. If anyone queries it, I would confidently answer that you love your new role and really see this as a great way to move forwards with your life balancing work and your health.

I can picture them laughing and thinking they “won” 😢As silly as that sounds, I know I’m still trying to deal with the effects of their behaviour.

If you wouldn’t take someone’s advice then you shouldn’t care about their opinion.

I know it’s hard OP but you need to stop worrying about what others think. You could potentially benefit from some therapy

All you need to do is work out the sums, you already have regarding the bills all being paid right now but you need to decide what kind of retirement you want and work out the projected sums for post retirement. Some people have zero choice and will have a very basic retirement and they can’t juggle figures much if at all.

The best bit of advice I can give you is never give a fuck what anyone else thinks of your choices. I retired really early. I jettisoned one friend because she was nosey and wanted to know how I did it.

The best thing I ever did (more out of necessity than choice at first) was to completely divorce my self worth from my job. I'm not saying it was easy (it wasn't!) but it has meant that I have never since compared myself to others or really cared what they thought about my career choices. I haven't been able to afford it until recently, but I personally am looking forward to my next work chapter - which will almost certainly be low paid and hopefully low stress!

It depends on what you're like, surely. DC's dad retired at the first opportunity after a long career in a very intense job. It's done him no favours. Aspects of his already problematic personality have amplified in the absence of a strict routine and he's quite hard work now. I'm a decade younger and he's badgering me to retire too, oblivious to the fact that most people my age won't be retiring for another 15-20 years.
We can never outrun ourselves, and retirement is an area where this becomes very obvious.

I’m 46 and guessing I’m a similar age to you. 10 years ago I left a toxic culture in professional services working 5 days plus networking plus study and started doing 3 days a week for a small business. I took a bit of a pay cut going to 3 days, but it was 100% the best decision.

I’ve since had 3 children, so the flexibility of working part time suits me well with juggling a young family.

I would absolutely recommend taking a more junior/ more fulfilling position for an easier life! Please don’t worry about what other people think- they probably think you’re really lucky that you’ve in a financial position to have the choice what you do for a job.