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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

300 miles?

27 replies

tiggyc · 22/09/2026 23:29

I’m looking for some opinions, I am completely torn on what is best.

I am 33, have a 2 year old, I’ve been out of a 10 year relationship for 18 months, the relationship was unfortunately done a long time before we actually split and we are now very much friends, we actually still live in the house we own together (odd I know). One of the reasons for this is living in such an expensive area, alone we can’t afford anything like we have currently, actually I’m not sure I would be able to afford anything other than a one bedroom in a not so great area.

I have been with my girlfriend for a year now, it’s been the best year, I am happier than I’ve ever been and people have told me that unprompted, she gets on amazingly with my ex and they are friendly. The only snag is, she lives 4 hours away. Up until now we’ve been taking it in turns to go up and down the country for the weekend, I have forged a close relationship with her daughter and even her ex and she has also with my son. We weren’t sure how we would close the gap, but have been playing it by ear.

My ex came up with me to see where she lives, I have expressed that living there would be my choice, it’s cheaper, it’s nicer and I think it would be a fab place to bring up our son. He has turned around this week and agreed, he will also move, and so I can move in with my girlfriend and we will all relocate. It also holds better job prospects for us both.

Sounds great, BUT and here’s the bit i need opinions on, my son currently has really lovely relationships with his grandparents and is lucky enough to have an abundance of grandparents and great grandparents. I am really struggling with the idea of taking him away from them and them away from him, it’s not realistic to think that we will be able to keep up that kind of contact from 300 miles away.

SO on one hand, moving will provide him with better financial stability, slightly better schools and a happy mum, but he will lose the closeness of family. But on the other hand, staying here, he will have his family close around him, but will likely live somewhere less than ideal, and may not have the disposable income for clubs, holidays etc.

i am torn as to what is best for me and my child, I’m finding the balance difficult to find.

thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 24/09/2026 18:57

I wouldn’t be relocating 300miles away for someone after just 1year of dating and removing my child’s extended family. I mean each to their own but it seems such a quick decision, I’m surprised your new partner has even met your child yet.

Frillysweetpea · 25/09/2026 18:31

tiggyc · 23/09/2026 12:00

Absolutely in agreement when it comes to the closeness of family however the element I feel that most of these responses have missed is the financial component - if I stay where I am currently, once I sell my house with my Ex I will only be able to afford something very small, in a bad area, this means bad schools and next to no disposable income to do things with and for my son. Moving would mean, a better living situation in a better area, better schools and disposable income to do thing with and for him.

I guess my question is, does having financial stability and everything that comes with it outweigh the family component?

it’s less about the relationship in all honesty.

I think people would be far less judgemental if you said you were moving for better prospects and schools. But, as you say, you get that as well as the relationship. So many people are really parochial in their outlook - I'd go for it. I grew hundreds of miles away from my grandparents because of my dad's job - it really isn't the end of the world. FWIW, I also think a year is absolutely long enough to know someone and decide to commit to them. MNetters seems to think you should live like a nun if you have kids.

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