300 miles?

Could your partner move down to you?

Gosh I don’t think there is a right answer. I chose the family option and I don’t regret it for a second; but I’d be lying if I said it’s easy. On paper, I would say do with what is best for your kids. But I also know how important and wonderful grandparents can be. Are they well physically? Would you resent them if you didn’t move? So many things to consider. Sorry this isn’t very helpful but I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel frazzled by this.

If you can schlep 400 miles each way every weekend to see your girlfriend surely a fortnightly/monthly visit to the grandfolks would be manageable? Are they young enough/able to travel to see you?

Fwiw I grew up hundreds of miles from my grandparents and we still had a great relationship, and that was in the days of just a rotary phone and snail mail for communication!

Are you male or female OP?
I think at 18 months it's far too soon to uproot everyone.

I was a child who was moved away from family to facilitate my mother’s new relationship. Although I still had good relationships with family it wasn’t, and still isn’t the same as if they’d been a constant in my life which I find sad. My mum would claim that we moved to a better area but children that grew up in our previous area turn out just fine and I’d rather have had the family.

No, I wouldn't move away. I think it'd be selfish.

Being with someone a year isn’t enough time to consider moving a child to a new area especially away from family. It’s madness to consider moving in together after such a short time where children are involved.

Moving 4 hours away for someone you’ve known for just a year is a huge gamble.
If you did move, leaving behind most of your support network, you should move into your own place first so that your security isn’t dependent on your relationship.

Honestly I wouldn’t have pursued a relationship with someone who lived hours away in this situation. Children come first. Of course you’re all giddy and in love at the one year mark. That stage lasts two years. Children need you for life and to put them first always. Hers and yours.
I would end the relationship as you can’t be together without disrupting your children. it’s good that you haven’t just left and have tried to see if your ex can make the move with you but is she honestly totally on board with it? Would be unusual to be happy to lose family and friend support with a small child. What will you both do for work? Cheaper areas usually have poorer options.

I’d stay near the family. Nothing can replace having them close for your children. I realise this with hindsight and regret it so much

Youve been long distance with this person a very short time to be considering ripping your child from the whole of their extended family just so you two can be closer.

Stay long distance. A child needs their village. Think of all the pop ins they will miss, the birthday parties, the weekend dinners, the impromptu visits.

Your relationship doesnt take precedence over their right to having family contact.

A year in a long distance relationship and you are planning to uproot your child from their family for a relationship? No, just no. Put your child first for gods sake.

Totally ridiculous idea to rip DS away from his family for the sake of this new relationship. What happens if/when you break up? You move another 300 miles to get your dick wet? Poor kid.

Surely there are cheaper places to live within, say 30 mins of where you are, rather than 4 hours? The cost thing is just an excuse so you don't have to face up to what an awful father you are.

I love your assumption that OP has a dick to get wet.

I'm reasonably sure she's a woman.

If this was just about moving to a cheaper area then all of this background info would be irrelevant.

You would have just posted, "looking to move to a cheaper area but would mean moving dc from family, have any of you made a similar move?" But you didn't, because you know that isn't the only nor primary reason. It was the relationship that promoted this move. If you just want to move to a cheaper area why does it have to be there?

Well you’re talking about moving him away from family. I don’t think that’s in his best interests.

I think it’s crazy to uproot yourself for someone you’ve been seeing part-time for just 18 months. Moving in with them with your child after such a short time would be irresponsible even if you were both local and saw each other all the time.

For the financial aspect, I’d move somewhere nearer to where you are now that is cheaper. There’s absolutely no way you need to move 300 miles away to find somewhere cheaper. So your partner is the main motivating factor for moving so far away, even if you tell yourself it isn’t.

The relationship with grandparents isn’t the issue here. If you can travel 300 miles to see your girlfriend often enough to have a romantic relationship, you can travel the same distance to maintain a grandparent relationship.

If you moved, would you get your own place or move in with new partner? If the former, and you'd stay there if it ended, then it has merit for the financial reasons you suggest. Assuming the GPS are not an integral part of your childcare etc, plenty do only see their extended family occasionally as as kids grow up, they are less likely to want to pop in etc.
How guaranteed are the jobs for you and your ex? What if he loves and then hates it, or doesn't make friends or a new relationship himself? How are his parents going to feel about their son and grandchild moving so their ex dil can pursue a new Relationship? That is how they will see it. Lots to think about, but I wouldn't immediately squash the idea as some have.

I think move for the financial reasons but get your own place and don’t become reliant on your partner. Also budget for regular visits to family back in the old location.

I don’t think you should move yet. I assume your son barely knows your new partner so to uproot his whole life feels a lot. If that relationship were to break down I assume you’d move back near the grandparents and uproot him again.

As someone who has no family support I wouldn’t dismiss that. It’s not easy not having backup for schools pick ups, late meetings etc.

If it were purely financial you’d move somewhere cheaper but closer.

A relationship ending 18 months ago, a new one a year ago is a lot in a short space of time. I would really slow things down and not consider moving for a few years.

Gosh, what a difficult decision.
Where are we talking about here? I’m assuming you live in London / the south east and partner is somewhere like Wales?

How far away from family would you need to travel to afford a better lifestyle? There surely must be somewhere within 100 miles / within an hour or two on the train?

Just here to say that my mum has a wonderful relationship with my children even though she’s 200 miles away, because when she comes to visit she comes for a full weekend and spends true quality time with them - breakfast, bedtime etc. She is far closer to them than the grandparent who lives round the corner, takes contact for granted and drops by for the odd hour every now and then