Mother in law keeps calling me fat

Also she does want to lose weight, she has tried hard but it is not working and this sort of mithering does not help

Culture that is based on hassling people and being rude to them is not worth bothering with

Anyone of any culture has the right to think what they want about their own weight, but they can keep their opinion on other peoples weight to themselves

Why are you bringing up religion? Some cultures happen to place standards of appearance very highly and that doesn't make their culture any worse than anybody else's. Yes, for us in the west we have no standards and that's absolutely fine for us, but don't assume other communties live exactly how we do. Get out in the world more.

She's damaging your daughter as well as you. Does your DH notice what she's saying about your daughter? Why is this woman SO OBSESSED about size? What is her problem? Your DH needs to man up and decide what his priorities are, his family or his mother. It's more than time that he let go of the apron strings. He needs to STOP the damage being done especially to your DD. He has to realise that she is at a vulnerable age and you don't want her to develop an eating disorder and suffer as you did.
It sounds as if, as so often, he is still ruled by his mother. If calling her out on what she's doing puts her nose out of joint so be it. If he does that and feels guilty about it that's his choice. If he chooses not to do anything he's letting down the family that he has responsibility to and contributing
to the harm. Which matters more? You and your DD do.
Tell her straight, get him to tell,her straight too. Her behaviour is more than rude. It is damaging and destructive.

Every time she told me I was fat, I would tell her she’s rude. Don’t let her have anything to do with altering your clothes- it’s none of her business.

If she started trying that with my kids, I’d be telling her to get out of my house.

You and your husband are letting her get away with comments to a young girl which could lead to an eating disorder. You’re so upset you’re crying in the bathroom - how do you think your adolescent daughter ( who is already dealing with massive body changes and hormone surges) feels?

Culture my arse. She’s just fucking rude.

Growing up I came from a solidly working class background. Honesty, speaking your mind and humour were our culture. It wasn’t until I was told I was being unkind, that I reflected.

Have you told her it upsets you when she says that? Does she see you cry? If so, tell her to fuck off and get out of your house.

If you haven't told her and are hiding your upset then you're being unreasonable. I wouldn't care if someone was saying that to me if it was true and they weren't insulting me, just stating facts (aka saying "you are much bigger" rather than "god you disgusting pig, how could you get so fat?") and giving advice.

She didn't say her culture is better.

But body shaming has no place in culture. There is no religion that espouses body shaming.

Anyone who has voted YABU…I hope
you do not have daughters…
Being healthy is one thing, being constantly scrutinized and picked on is not ok.
You have a medical condition, but even if you didn’t, this is bullying, plain and simple.

Your mother in law is reprehensible

Your husband is a fool

When you are doing your level best to lose weight then the last thing you need is someone else telling you what you are already know - that you are overweight - or chipping in with uncalled for advice as if you had never thought about it before

I have had a lot of struggles with weight and know what a distraction this can be. It really is not easy but the best way to achieve it is to focus on the task in hand and cut out other people's stupid opinions.

Your husband needs to support you and tell his mother to back off

There is no cast iron guaranteed way to lose way weight but if you have your own space, room for your own thoughts, time to consider it peacefully and rationally it will be easier than if you are being constantly pecked at

I presume your mother in law would listen more to her son than to you.

Your husband needs to grow a spine and tell his mum, with you, that this is not acceptable here.

She needs to adjust her behaviour to the place she is in, ie your home.

If she can’t change and be polite and kind to you and your daughter then she can’t stay.

Culture is frequently used as a get out of jail free card for far too many things, mostly to the detriment of women.

Who are you to say your culture is better than hers? She married into this family so it is her perogative to integrate. If some cultures place high value on maintaining a healthy weight than that doesn't make them any worse, if anything we should be admiring their ability to be frank and honest with people they care about.

Cultural imperialism at its worse.

Ok now im sure people will jump on me for this but my mil made me feel like utter crap after I had 3 kids close together. I went from a size 6 to a size 14 not massive but still overweight. She would often say how she walked out the hospital with her size 8 jeans etc etc.
I have lost the weight and now back to a size 6 which is my normal. Mil has gained lots and lots of weight and cannot shift it. Last time she was here I even caught her looking at my label checking the size.

Time for polite is gone.

OP - it'll get to a point where you completely melt down at her so let's get something done about it now, eh?

Next comment - you point a finger at her and say "no". Just that, not angry, not shouting, no tears, just "no". If she takes offence then - great, that's a reaction you can work with, explain that it's rude and you are offended at her comment. Don't make it historical, don't say "you are always talking about my weight / calling me fat" etc. This is a tool for now and forward.

And continue with the "no" until it sinks in.

I had this with my now ExMIL - wish I'd called it out sooner.

Honestly, just tell her to fuck off. I struggled with my weight my entire life and when people started making comments about my weight gain in pregnancy I genuinely started insulting them back. That seemed to nip it in the bud. If she says you are big, you day and you are too small, your son is not a dog to eat bones. 🤷‍♀️

wether it is caused by health conditions or not, you don’t own explanation to anyone and most certainly you do not need to put up with nasty comments. Especially in your own home. Wether she means it or not, I would have seriously thrown her out by now..

I’ve seen someone who has lipodema on insta and she is reporting anecdotal admittedly stuff that the weight loss jabs have a good effect on lipedema over and above weight loss (btw if it is lipedema you can’t get rid of it just by losing weight…) is it worth talking to your gp about it even if you have to get privately (if you can)?

Leaving your mother in law aside you You’ve already done the right thing by seeing your GP and getting a referral. I’m sorry your mother-in-law keeps commenting on your body, especially knowing what those comments have meant for you in the past. Asking you to squat to “make your legs smaller” was cruel and uninformed. You’re allowed to tell her plainly that your body is no longer up for discussion, and I hope your partner will back you up while she’s staying in your home. I suspect if you're still a size small in your upper body that is your actual true size, this is a medical issue that will soon pass.

Tell your horrible rude mother in law to pack her bags and leave your home. And if your spineless husband objects, he can go with her.
It’s not acceptable and culture should not be used as an excuse for nasty behaviour.
You need to stick up for yourself and let your daughter be aware that you’re also advocating for her as well.

Two months at your house? She treats you like this?

Tell her she's being extremely rude and ungrateful and get her gone.

I’m asian, I know exactly what it is. It’s seen as just an observation but tell a MIL she’s fat and you will see what offended looks like. A fat wife is a poor reflection on her husband basically. This has nothing to do with health, it’s entirely about appearance.

I knew a family who were constantly praising how slim a child was in their family, she was severely underweight to the point where she had what looked like lanugo. They weren’t from my particular culture (who would have jumper on the OMG YOU ARE TOO THIN and then as soon as had gained some weight they would have told her she’s got chubby) but you can tell they were very proud of how slight she was. It was surreal.

I would have thrown her and her stuff out as soon as she said anything. I certainly wouldn't tolerate her speaking to my child like that. As for 'culture' being an excuse - that is disgusting.

This.

Speak to your DH and it stops today. If not pack his bags with his mum's.

They would not be welcome in my home for harming your daughter and yourself