Page 7 | Mother in law keeps calling me fat

Zaina89 · 2026-09-22T09:18:25+00:00

Just need somewhere to vent really as I’m really upset. ive been struggling now for a while, I’m under a referral for suspected lipedema in thighs. I’ve gone from 75kg to 93kg without any reason, and it’s literally all in the lower part of my body my face and upper body is still slim. I eat well, I’m very active, tried cutting calories and I exercise 3/4 week and even joined karate with my son a few months ago. I’ve literally tried everything so I went to the gp and they’ve referred me to the lipedema clinic to see if this is what the issue is ( I’ve had blood tests all are clear) my mother in law is currently staying with us, my in laws are Asian and I’ve had comments from other family members about my legs and lower body. in the past I’ve had an eating disorder caused by comments and even at my skinniest my legs where still the biggest part of me and I went through 2 years of not eating properly because of comments they were saying. my mother in law came 2 months ago to stay, and alls I’ve heard every day she been here is how big i am and she doesn’t understand why. for the past 2 days I’ve been crying. yesterday we was in the kitchen and randomly out of no where she squatted down and asked me “ can you do this” “ if you can do this it will help make your legs and hips smaller” and then went on to tell me “ your very big” today I asked her to alter some of my outfits and make them a bit bigger from the hips and she said to me “ when I had it stitched I didn’t realize how much big you are” “ you used to be your sister in laws size” I’ve been in my room crying for over half an hour. I’ve literally tried everything and nothing I’m doing I can loose weight or helps my thighs and it is now seriously mentally affecting me the things she is saying and it is almost every day she is saying it. I woke up at 6 this morning as I’ve been weighing myself every day and when I saw I’d gained a pound since yesterday I was crying looking in the mirror and alls I could hear in my mind is “ your very big” I really don’t know what to do anymore because nothing is working and what she is doing is seriously affecting me mentally. My husband says “ she doesn’t mean it to hurt you” but she is hurting me and I am burning inside and want to say something really bad to her.

theneighbourgotmycake · 22/09/2026 12:07

Bringemout · 22/09/2026 10:57

I’m asian, I know exactly what it is. It’s seen as just an observation but tell a MIL she’s fat and you will see what offended looks like. A fat wife is a poor reflection on her husband basically. This has nothing to do with health, it’s entirely about appearance.

I knew a family who were constantly praising how slim a child was in their family, she was severely underweight to the point where she had what looked like lanugo. They weren’t from my particular culture (who would have jumper on the OMG YOU ARE TOO THIN and then as soon as had gained some weight they would have told her she’s got chubby) but you can tell they were very proud of how slight she was. It was surreal.

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it's the same in many European countries, but for both men and women.

Not to the point of being underweight, but numbers speak for themselves, they have very little obesity, being fat is not socially acceptable and people don't get fat.

Literally the opposite of our vanity sizes. If it's believed in your country that being a 12-14 is being overweight, you don't become that big. On MN, it's the opposite, 14 is "tiny" and anyone under is lying 😂

lazyarse123 · 22/09/2026 12:06

It's not cultural to be a nasty bitch. I know sone cultures are more forthright but it doesn't give them the right to carry on when it's obvious it's hurtful.
Time the nasty cow went home and the husband told his mum she's not welcome back if she doesn't pack it in.

VintagedWell · 22/09/2026 12:02

Baldrapunzel · 22/09/2026 11:33

What on earth are you talking about?

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That poster plays devil advocate on various threads related to race and culture, belying her real feelings. I think she believes her posts are funnier and cleverer than they are. Best ignored.

Jklellls · 22/09/2026 12:02

Bringemout · 22/09/2026 10:38

This sounds like you may need to see a gp, look up lipodema and see if that sounds familiar.

Asian people are horribly direct about appearance, that doesn’t mean it should be tolerated. The best way to do this is to get your DH to have a stern word with your MIL about how she speaks to you, best way for it not to escalate. She literally won’t understand that she’s being unkind but she does need to know that you don’t appreciate her speaking to you this way.

I’m really sorry you sound so sad, stop crying, it’s not ok for anyone to make you feel like this, you have nothing to be embarrassed about or feel ashamed of.

OP literally said she has lipoedema and is waiting on a referral to be seen about that

LondonLass2026 · 22/09/2026 12:01

I think I remember you from a few months ago when you had another issue with MIL, and your husband wasn't willing to deal with her.

Not sure what the relevance of "Asian" is.

I have Asian family too, and my aunt is EXACTLY like this, and I too was always warned as a teenager never to answer her back. As an adult, I no longer speak to her, which is very sad, but my mental health comes first.

As it's not as easy for you to do this, you will have to speak to her firmly and clearly. Your daughter does NOT need this in her life!

sherbetlemonade · 22/09/2026 12:01

Using cultural differences as an excuse to belittle, insult and make hurtful comments towards someone else is not acceptable.

WouldYouLikeAnyToast · 22/09/2026 12:01

Zaina89 · 22/09/2026 10:37

Yes I do.
my oldest daughter has just turned 11 and she does it to her as well.
she just started her period a few months ago and obviously her body is changing and she constantly gets compared to my niece who is the same age who is very little and very thin.

I’ve been told by her my daughter’s period has started so soon because she eats junk and she’s lazy.
and says that because she’s lazy that’s why she’s “big” and girls look nice slim. My daughter isn’t fat at all but now
even though it’s said in another language she does understand what’s being said she has started asking me if her bum looks big in clothes and why she has big thighs.
she’s not eating to much either and his mum just constantly complains she’s not eating properly and I’ve said to my husband maybe if she stops calling her fat as well she may eat more.

in my family we are more pear shaped anyways which is the shape my oldest daughter seems to be taking. I’ve always been bigger on my thighs and hips but it’s just since after the birth of my 3rd child I’ve seemed to keep getting bigger without any reason.

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It's bad enough that she's doing it to you, and I'm with the other poster saying say "and you're very rude" in response.
This, though?! Distance your DD from her, that's very damaging and she's going to grow up with issues or disorders if she's around MIL's bullshit any longer.

RamALamADingDong2 · 22/09/2026 11:57

Zaina89 · 22/09/2026 10:37

Yes I do.
my oldest daughter has just turned 11 and she does it to her as well.
she just started her period a few months ago and obviously her body is changing and she constantly gets compared to my niece who is the same age who is very little and very thin.

I’ve been told by her my daughter’s period has started so soon because she eats junk and she’s lazy.
and says that because she’s lazy that’s why she’s “big” and girls look nice slim. My daughter isn’t fat at all but now
even though it’s said in another language she does understand what’s being said she has started asking me if her bum looks big in clothes and why she has big thighs.
she’s not eating to much either and his mum just constantly complains she’s not eating properly and I’ve said to my husband maybe if she stops calling her fat as well she may eat more.

in my family we are more pear shaped anyways which is the shape my oldest daughter seems to be taking. I’ve always been bigger on my thighs and hips but it’s just since after the birth of my 3rd child I’ve seemed to keep getting bigger without any reason.

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Absolutely not. Not sticking up for yourself is one thing, but it's your job to make sure your daughter is not subjected to this unkind nonsense. I wouldn't accept anyone speaking to my child or me this way, no matter who they are or what the culture is. You have a voice; use it.

Original poster

Zaina89 · 22/09/2026 11:57

JustGoogleIt15 · 22/09/2026 11:46

If you have lipedema the lipedemic fat is not fat that you can lose by exercising or eating healthily. You can have the lipedemic fat sucked out but it will comeback

Lipedema is a disease. Your lipedemic fat isn't normal fat. It's diseased fat

It's affected by hormones and grows when you have increased hormones, such as puberty, pregnancy, menopause

Yes this is why I came off hormonal contraception, like I said my thighs and hips have always been the biggest part of me even at my thinnest but after my 2nd and especially my 3rd pregnancy I have noticed after the 3rd that is when my problems have really started.
I lost 10kg 3 months after the birth of my 3rd child almost 3 years ago through a really big calorie deficit because there was an upcoming wedding but looking back on pictures I can see how ill I looked in my face because the weigh loss always affects my face badly. But now all of that and more has come back on.

OP posts:

FullOfLemons · 22/09/2026 11:55

ThisOliveKoala · 22/09/2026 10:41

She’s Asian it’s the culture just relax. If you visit Asia then you would cry everyday, they even have “fat girl shop” or chubby girl etc.

I feel like consistency may help with weight loss? It’s not easy, I fully empathise.

It’s only in the west that I see/hear of people who just gain weight for no reason. I’ve visited food insecure places in developing countries and you don’t see any of those issues. Try a food diary maybe? I know of a few people that found success with that

You think several billion people have one culture ?

Your post is offensive on so many levels

Original poster

Zaina89 · 22/09/2026 11:54

Starlight7080 · 22/09/2026 11:49

I have Lipoedema in my legs . And I am already seing signs in one of my daughters. It is hard to cope with . But even if you get a diagnosis it wont change in the short term. Its a longterm condition.
What would really help you is not having people constantly commenting on your appearance. Mental health plays a huge part when it comes to coping with lipoedema. And having negativity forced on you daily will only make things worse.
Plus the example to your children is awful . They will just grow up with eating disorders and feeling shame about themselves.
You need to tell them all to stop commenting on your weight. Tell them its nothing to do with them. And if they have nothing nice to say then dont say anything at all.
These are things your dh should also be saying.
Be proud of who you are. Learning to love your body as it is will help you so much longterm. And im saying that as someone who's legs have been smaller then bigger and repeatedly changed depending on so many factors . But if I didnt learn to cope during the times they are bigger then I would never leave the house .

Is there anything you do to help the condition? Any advice would be great or any hope.
I think this is what I’ve come to terms with at this point myself is that even if I can’t slim out my thighs/hips that the least I can do is to try and prevent it getting worse that would be the best case scenario so hopefully something will come of the referral . But obviously with the comments they just don’t help.

in the grand scheme of things I’m fully aware mine is not to bad at the moment, the gp who has referred me said it’s only my thighs affected , my calves and ankles are still very defined and quite slender she said . But as the months go on I notice now my thighs are tender to touch and they have a cellulite appearance, I also have lots of spider veins now on my thighs that are itchy.

if I wear the right clothes I don’t look “big” I can hide my thighs quite well in long dresses and really long tops. A lot of people have told me I don’t actually look like I weigh 93kg and I look a lot loss maybe because my upper body and face is so slender.

OP posts:

Itsthewoluff · 22/09/2026 11:53

For the first few times call her out very politely and walk out.
”I’ve explained it’s a medical problem. Please stop making me feel bad.” Do this the first two or three times whilst walking out, then progress to not saying anything.
Just drop whatever you are doing, turn round and walk out silently. Even if making dinner. Anything. Just stop and walk out of the room.

Do the same if she starts on your daughter. “We won’t be listening to this” the first few times, then say nothing. Grab your dd and just walk out of the room.

Original poster

Zaina89 · 22/09/2026 11:49

rosagarten · 22/09/2026 11:40

This type of weight gain happened just the same way for the daughter of a friend of mine. Her mum just thought she had put on weight but when she came off a particular type of contraceptive pill (prescribed I think for acne) the weight just disappeared. If that isn't the case for you, could it be a different medication your are on? I find doctors are often reluctant to accuse medication for causing any problems whatsoever even when the packet says they are known side effects.

Your MIL is being rude and ignorant - please just ignore her.

I have come off hormonal contraception completely thinking this could also be the issue at the end. I dropped a couple of pounds but nothing significant! Not on any other medication. Had blood tests to rule out any medical issues causing it but they were all fine.

OP posts:

friedaklein · 22/09/2026 11:49

JustGoogleIt15 · 22/09/2026 11:46

If you have lipedema the lipedemic fat is not fat that you can lose by exercising or eating healthily. You can have the lipedemic fat sucked out but it will comeback

Lipedema is a disease. Your lipedemic fat isn't normal fat. It's diseased fat

It's affected by hormones and grows when you have increased hormones, such as puberty, pregnancy, menopause

MIL needs to be educated about this immediately. What is the husband doing? Not that anyone needs a man to be speaking up...but

blankittyblank · 22/09/2026 11:49

ThisOliveKoala · 22/09/2026 10:41

She’s Asian it’s the culture just relax. If you visit Asia then you would cry everyday, they even have “fat girl shop” or chubby girl etc.

I feel like consistency may help with weight loss? It’s not easy, I fully empathise.

It’s only in the west that I see/hear of people who just gain weight for no reason. I’ve visited food insecure places in developing countries and you don’t see any of those issues. Try a food diary maybe? I know of a few people that found success with that

There is a genetic link which means some people hold onto more fat than others. This is probably something more prevalent in the west, than Asia, but not exclusively so.

There's this very isolated island in the Pacific ocean call Nauru - and almost all the population are overweight. It would have taken many months to get there on boat - and only those people whose bodies were able to hold onto fat reserves survived the journey.

Many years later they were able to get more foods imported - like sugary drinks etc. Since then, the islanders have become overweight, as all the population have a body type which is designed to hold into fat.

So genetics play a big part (and perhaps many western builds are designed to hold on to fat).

Starlight7080 · 22/09/2026 11:49

I have Lipoedema in my legs . And I am already seing signs in one of my daughters. It is hard to cope with . But even if you get a diagnosis it wont change in the short term. Its a longterm condition.
What would really help you is not having people constantly commenting on your appearance. Mental health plays a huge part when it comes to coping with lipoedema. And having negativity forced on you daily will only make things worse.
Plus the example to your children is awful . They will just grow up with eating disorders and feeling shame about themselves.
You need to tell them all to stop commenting on your weight. Tell them its nothing to do with them. And if they have nothing nice to say then dont say anything at all.
These are things your dh should also be saying.
Be proud of who you are. Learning to love your body as it is will help you so much longterm. And im saying that as someone who's legs have been smaller then bigger and repeatedly changed depending on so many factors . But if I didnt learn to cope during the times they are bigger then I would never leave the house .

LostNFoundSV · 22/09/2026 11:48

PollyBell · 22/09/2026 11:15

Anyone of any culture has the right to think what they want about their own weight, but they can keep their opinion on other peoples weight to themselves

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Exactly!

JustGoogleIt15 · 22/09/2026 11:46

If you have lipedema the lipedemic fat is not fat that you can lose by exercising or eating healthily. You can have the lipedemic fat sucked out but it will comeback

Lipedema is a disease. Your lipedemic fat isn't normal fat. It's diseased fat

It's affected by hormones and grows when you have increased hormones, such as puberty, pregnancy, menopause

friedaklein · 22/09/2026 11:46

Also I don't allow anyone to.comment on my DDs weight and I have told both my mum and MIL to stop. Nicely. They stopped. They wanted to fatten her up actually so different but stilll...
My mum stays with me for 2 months at a time and we get on fine. Asian does not mean being cruel.

AlwaysExtraHot · 22/09/2026 11:46

Right, well if I didn't already think she should be asked to leave for talking about you (I did), she MUST be asked to leave for the way she's talking about your 11-year-old daughter.
Obviously it's your DH's job to do so.
Those saying the OP needs to 'relax' and it's just cultural, fuck that. 'culture' in her house is how she wants it to be, and if it doesn't include comments on young girls' body shape and size then that's up to her.

JeatherLacket · 22/09/2026 11:44

ThisOliveKoala · 22/09/2026 10:41

She’s Asian it’s the culture just relax. If you visit Asia then you would cry everyday, they even have “fat girl shop” or chubby girl etc.

I feel like consistency may help with weight loss? It’s not easy, I fully empathise.

It’s only in the west that I see/hear of people who just gain weight for no reason. I’ve visited food insecure places in developing countries and you don’t see any of those issues. Try a food diary maybe? I know of a few people that found success with that

Why should she relax when she's being insulted. Being from a different culture is no excuse

Happyjoe · 22/09/2026 11:42

I am honestly miffed why she wasn't sent home after the 2nd time she commented like this.
Enough OP! Stand up for yourself, it's time for her to leave. You cannot face this in your own home and if you won't do it for you, do it for your daughter. MIL is disgusting.

rosagarten · 22/09/2026 11:40

This type of weight gain happened just the same way for the daughter of a friend of mine. Her mum just thought she had put on weight but when she came off a particular type of contraceptive pill (prescribed I think for acne) the weight just disappeared. If that isn't the case for you, could it be a different medication your are on? I find doctors are often reluctant to accuse medication for causing any problems whatsoever even when the packet says they are known side effects.

Your MIL is being rude and ignorant - please just ignore her.

TheThirteenthFairy · 22/09/2026 11:39

Why on earth did you ask the woman who gives you so much shit about your size to alter your clothes? Serious question. Have you heard of gift-wrapping the ammunition?

Glidinglikeaswan · 22/09/2026 11:35

PrincessofWills · 22/09/2026 10:28

Have you chatted to your gp about mounjaro/wegovy? It sounds as though there's good medical reason to try weight loss drugs.

Re you MiL - sounds as though she has foot in mouth problems.

The issue is not if OP is fat or not. It's the MIL's rudeness and bullying. And, FYI, lipoedema is not a weight issue and cannot be managed by diet or exercise.