Mother in law keeps calling me fat

Time to lose your temper. Volcanically. She’s allowed to say what she wants, so surely the same applies to you?
No guest would be rude about my young daughter’s body in my house without getting a very direct conversation in return.
Hold the line for your daughter even if you can’t do it for yourself.

I don’t think fat necessarily is always distributed evenly at all. Men tend to just get a stomach unless very very obese and most still keep slim legs. Women have different body shapes so while some will gain everywhere, pears will generally mostly gain around the hips/bum/thighs and apples around the middle. Apple shapes are interesting because those women can be huge on top with tiny stick legs.

Anyway, that aside. Your MIL needs to go in the bin.

Ignore posters saying that you should talk about medical issues.

Ignore posters who suggest that you should tolerate comments you don't like for "cultural reasons."

Ignore the xenophobic comments about marrying into another culture.

If you are upset by the comments, regardless of intent, then they need to stop, and your DH needs to stop them.

I'm so glad people are starting to point this out. I guess its hard to truly understand when you come from a country with no real culture like England and all of a sudden marry into a community with a rich and vibrant culture that has been shaped for hundreds/thousands of years. Hopefully the OP understands that these comments from the in-laws are not coming from a place of hate.

You letting her say this to you and crying in private is one thing but you are letting your daughter down. Why isn't someone advocating for her because your husband sure as shit won't do it and upset mummy.

You get called fat once - maybe ask politely to not do it in your house, cultural differences etc so might not be obvious it’s hurtful

Twice - ask to stop it not so politely, reiterate why

Three times - stop engaging and wait for an apology

More - issue an ultimatum

instead:

months of putting up with this every day
crying in the bedroom
letting your daughter’s weight to be commented on
asking MIL to alter the clothes (??)
post on mumsnet to vent

….

Stop accepting these comments. She is being rude - maybe not in her culture, but she is in yours.

The comments about your daughter I would be absolutely furious about - people have different body shapes and the pubertal transition is tricky in young girls without rude comments.

It doesn't matter that she doesn't think she's being hurtful - you need to be very clear to your husband that it IS hurtful and it must stop.

Make trouble, stick up for yourself, stick up for your child!

Actually I take this back. There's no need to harp on the appearance of teens, especially girls. Better to emphasise other things: sports, friends, hobbies, education, fun...

@Zaina89 as a pp said, you are doing exactly the right thing getting your GPs advice. And it sounds like you are doing everything you can to live a healthy lifestyle.
Culture is one thing, but this rude woman is upsetting you on a daily basis for two months. Now she's starting on your poor DD at such a delicate stage in her life.
Your DH ought to tell her that the daily fat shaming has to stop immediately. It is abuse. It leads to eating disorders.
Ask him, Does he want your DD to go into school, look around her classroom and think "I am not worthy. I am the worst one here. No one can like me because of how I look, which is awful."
There's been lots of advice about being calm but assertive.
Have some phrases ready, which you deliver very sweetly, non emotionally but very firmly
Actually I would record some of her comments and play them back to DH since he is in convenient denial. He's just hoping you willl shut up about it and he won't have to do anything and he can continue the quiet life.

But you also need to look at how to protect yourself and DD more.
"today I asked her to alter some of my outfits and make them a bit bigger from the hips"
That's actually playing right into her hands. Stop offering polite conversation beyond the neutral, "Good Morning" "Cup of Tea." Weather ect. and don't give her further information on anything medical. She's not a doctor.
Hopefully her flight home is not that far away.

Nonsense.

Also OP you keep suggesting it’s a medical issue. I am not sure that matters. You are not required to accept comments on your body.

People should not marry across cultures. Full stop. My grandmother was German, other side Scottish. Just did not work. I loved her dearly, it was fun and amusing, but it was incompatible for her immediate family. Should not happen if you want a normal life. Maybe it is OK among aristocracy, whatever, but does not work among normal people. Constant culture clash. And I mean real culture - not who is fat or not fat. I remember our relatives staying with us saying that compared to the Germans the English have no classical music (?????), that Purcell does not count, etc. etc. Enjoying our hospitality, eating our bread, being driven sight-seeing everywhere by my dad, having taken time off work. And they are allegedly cultured. However they have no manners at all, despite all their superior education, attainment, etc.

You might not like it - but it is cultural.

Think of an ordinary, every day, thing you do- you go abroad and do that thing and suddenly it’s offensive and you’re a pariah - and you have no clue as to why. Cultural differences!

What is her culture is irrelevant. OP is not required to accept it.

This. Such a lazy argument. “It’s a different culture” to use to justify any and every behaviour. I may understand if OP is in the MIL’s country, but it does not appear she is and even if she were doesn’t mean she needs to accept comments on her body.

You started this thread by saying
'I’m under a referral for suspected lipedema in thighs.'
and
' I clearly have something medical going on and am now being investigated for lipedema. '

and go on to say
' I have a medical problem going on '

however the more you reply here you now say

' I potentially do have a medical issue '

What if it is not lipedema ?

You mention your MIL is Asian, I guess you are not ?

you also have a husband problem.

It is her culture. They don’t see weight as a sign of moral worth like we do, they just see it as a description of your body, like saying you’re tall or have long hair or green eyes. So she genuinely won’t see it as rude she’ll think she’s just stating facts. She’s wrong though about squats making your legs smaller. You can’t spot reduce fat, and growing extra muscle there will make them bigger, not smaller.

I don’t know anything about lipedema but it sounds to a laymen like you have that. Good luck with the diagnosis and treatment.

Please stop your MIL from.commenting on your DDs appearance. will give her a lifelong inferiority complex. Teens should only ever be told they look great.

@Zaina89 I’ve had this all my life, been told I’m too skinny and then that I’ve filled out too much, you just can’t win!

My ex mil used to slap her thighs and tell me mine were huge, they weren’t, I was a size 8, she was huge herself and always had been.

What I learnt from the jibes were that the people who feel the need to be cruel are just very unhappy themselves.

You just ignore her and when I mean ignore I mean don’t even entertain what she’s saying.

As for your husband, he needs to step in and tell her making comments about anyone’s weight is rude.

If all else fails, just wee in her cup and offer her a tea in it xx

Asians do this and beauty standards are totally different. I’m not saying it’s ok by the way but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. The last wedding I went to in 2019 of Chinese relatives I was a size 10 and easily the fattest Auntie. This is as a post menopausal woman when it’s harder to keep weight off.

My exMIL called me fat once. While no one else was in the room to overhear it. I told my exH as soon as we got home. He was furious and went straight over to see her the next day. She minimised it, of course, and implied that I was 'sensitive' just like her own daughter who is 'sensitive', too. We didn't speak to her for months and she then started crying about how she didn't see her grandchildren.

Your husband needs to stop this, OP.

Don't cry about it it, find your anger and tell him to tell her to stop - or ask her when she was last spotted by a modelling agency.

I'd be booting her out the door. Your poor daughter and you. What a disgusting woman 😡

Let's give your MIL the benefit of the doubt, and assume she has no idea that what she is doing is rude. I mean, she'd have to be clueless not to see it upsets you, but again, benefit of the doubt.

Imagine you got upset every time someone talked about the weather. If they came up to you every day and talked about the weather after they had been asked not to, because it upsets you, then yes, that would be very rude. It's the effect not the intention which matters.

So the supposed cultural issues are irrelevant.

My DP was constantly attacked by her DM over her increased weight until she said "stop talking about this or I will not see you." It worked. She's not mentioned it again.

My advice:

Tell your DH to tell your MIL to stop commenting in any way on your or your daughters' weight or appearance. He needs to hold firm whatever she says, regardless of whether she is "trying to help" or not. He also needs to shut down any comments about your weight to him even if you are not there.

If she does not comply with this, do not allow her in the house until she agrees to it.

If your DH is not supportive, then you have other problems.

OP I am from an Asian culture and I want to kill your mother-in-law.

I grew up with every possible insult. Between me and my siblings, we were insulted on everything from being underweight, overweight, skin colour, hairstyles, not being married, you name it. And ofc women got it worse than men.

It has always made me furious. When I complained to my mum, she would always say oh it’s just the culture. I said well, I was born and raised in this country and it certainly is not my culture to have insults thrown around like this.

I don’t care what weight you are, and how you gained it, even if you had gained weight from eating McDonald’s. It’s irrelevant. She has no right to comment on your appearance like this. The fact you have a health issue though makes it more disgusting.

You and your husband need a united front to tell her to stop it or she’s not welcome here. I am deadly serious. Culture is no excuse for rudeness. And quite frankly you are not from her culture and you do take offence. Which is absolutely fine.

The thing is, people from these cultures also get upset by this stuff but they are not allowed to say it. I had one cousin who was constantly commented on by all the aunties about how dark ie awful her skin was. I just don’t know what effect that must have had on her self-esteem growing up. She was virtually mute as a teenager and I can guess why.

This is a long post because I’m absolutely furious that this behaviour still goes on. Zero tolerance I say.