Mother in law keeps calling me fat

If she has lipodoema/lymphoedema these will be of no help whatsoever.

Depends though. If this house (and OP’s origin?) is in GB for instance, then (if we are actually going to argue the case like that, since you have brought up integration) it behoves DH and his objectionable mother to bear in mind very basic rules of politeness according the dominant culture, rather than their own apparently divergent one.
That’s a fundamental if tacit requirement of residents and citizens with other cultural roots, and can be transposed as an ideal to a family home where one of the couple is of that culture; there’s no reason why she is the partner who must radically alter her behaviour and outlook!
MIL should not be encouraged in her determination to ignore the rules of engagement in her DIL’s country.

That isn’t any kind of imperialism, merely how any sane society (or family) operates best. Naturally, populations are diverse and blended, but I reiterate, it is not culturally insensitive or worse to expect everyone in it to observe fundamental rules.
(In a household then, it’s reasonable for the householder to operate a ‘no shoes’ policy, or indeed ‘no smoking’ policy. That isn’t flexing chauvinistic muscle or threatening the human autonomy of her guests, is it?)

There isn't a test to diagnose lipedema unfortunately. Diagnosis is achieved more by ruling other conditions out. I went private through insurance and had several tests to check my veins and limphatic system, then I was diagnosed by a cardiovascular surgeon.

Absolutely agree...sit down with her and tell her not to make unkind personal remarks about your shape and that of your daughter. Be very assertive and stop giving her so much power to hurt you also your DH needs to say the same. Hope she is going back home soon.

@Zaina89 This is awful.
Given your medical history, she is literally damaging your mental health..

I can't imagine anyone telling a pregnant woman she needs to work on her weight when you were not eating enough.
This is just abuse.
Please speak to your GP. or Women's Aid and ask for help. They may know of organisations which understand the constraints you are operating under.

Your DH's attitude to this is shocking.

I don't think you owe this woman any deference. I would just stop having any but the bare minimum of conversation with her and spend as much time as possible (with dd) out of the house and away from her until she leaves.

Agree with this.

I am Russian and it is not considered rude to call a big person overweight.

That being said, she is in your house and she needs to know her place. The only problem is, from my understanding, is that you have not put her in her place. Have you told her in a serious manner that her comments are unacceptable and won’t be tolerated in your house? It sounds like you have not.

Instead you are crying upstairs in your own
house, and complaining to your husband quietly while she’s in the next room. This is weak and I suspect she recognises this in you character, and this fuels her with confidence you speak to you in this manner. You need to accept some responsibility for this as you are being passive. Cultural differences need to be taken into account, she most likely does not understand the impact this is having on you. Get off the internet, sit the woman down and calmly remind her who’s house this is, and who is the guest.

I don’t get this. Why are you crying as opposed to telling her to stop it?

It honestly doesn’t matter what weight you are - it’s none of her business. She doesn’t have the right to speak to you like that, you aren’t required to justify yourself to her and you certainly shouldn’t let her shit on your daughter that way.

Also, you appear to have a DH problem.

MIL needs to sling her fucking hook! Tell your DH this.

If he doesn't care about your health and well being despite knowing you've struggled with an eating disorder, does he also not care about his child's?! She will likely also end up with an eating disorder if this carries on.

If she was with you for a week I'd say ignore, but she's with you 3-4months a year?! 😱

For me this is a hill i would die on. I would not want my child spoken to like this. If my husband wasn't willing to say something I would. Even if he kicked me out (which is awful that you think he'd do that BTW and shows what sort of man you're dealing with).

Why do you live like this? For yourself and your daughter? It sounds awful.

I gained weight after my second pregnancy (mental health issues + Thyroid) .And went from 65kg to 90kg. You wouldn't believe how many times my MIL mentioned this to me, she was literally obsessed by body shaming. Luckily, I am quite tall and hourglass body shape, I lost until 80kg and look amazing - but she still talks about me being fat...

Newsflash. We are the centre of the universe in our own homes!

Her MIL is staying in her home, in HER country. SHE can adapt to local cultural norms.

Some people dont view weight as a touchy or insulting subject, they just say it as it is as if pointing out a colour. Ive mostly seen this from the older generation. Can you tell your mil that you are sensitive abojt your weight and tell her not to mention it anymore? She might not be meaning to cause offense and unaware of how it makes you feel.

OP Ignore the batshit comments about cultural imperialism. If you have asked your directly MIL to not mention your weight and she continues to. You ask her to leave. If your husband doesn't back you up. You ask him to leave too.

You should not have to put up with this.

We need to normalise telling rude people to shut the fuck up.

Even better, do it in front of your daughter so she knows you know this is outright mean bullshit and you won't tolerate it, about you or her.

With due respect, crying about it is never going to make it stop.

Yes, uneducated. Where did they learn their manners?

"Talent may open doors, and education may take you far, but manners will determine how welcome you are when you arrive"

My fav quote from Bruce Lee:
"Knowledge may give you power, but character will gain respect"

I don't think a person who.thinks her husband is going to kick her out will say " Fuck off' to her MIL.

Tell her to bugger off home if she can’t keep a civil tongue in her head.

So, you are defending someone's right to be rude and hurtful based on their cultural background?

It isn't cultural imperialism. This rudeness needs to be called out - every single time.

'backward, uneducated idiots' - they are Heidelberg University tutors and the one who was saying Purcell is shite is a choir master.

if I said the same things to my mother in law and sister in law my husband would kick me out himself because it wouldn’t be okay for me to do the same.

Is this the truth OP?

If so, how will you continue to deal with these comment from your MIL?

Will you DH really not set her straight regarding her unwanted comments?

Literally tell her to fuck off every time she says it. She will be so offended she will leave. Also while she is there don't do anything for her - no cooking no washing no cups of tea etc. Tell your husband to get on board. And those offering 'advice' on losing weight leave her alone that's not what the post is about.

Very rude. Tell your husband to deal with his mother or the visit ends.
Alternatively go and stay with your family until they leave. If husband wont back you then Id be having doubts about the marriage.

People should not marry across cultures stupid people.

Sorry peons you're talking nonsense. Your examples of behaviour are nothing to do with culture and everything to do with being backward, uneducated idiots. My mum was rural Irish catholic and my father was English CofE, both families got on extremely well, no issues despite the very different culture and religion. Both of my brothers are married to European women and my ex's family are from the Caribbean - NONE of us have had any issues with our in-laws or culture clashes, we all get along and respect each other because we are family and we've all been educated and brought up correctly. Some people are just callous and don't know how to behave, it's the easiest thing to respect others and apologise if you get something wrong, and all cultures know how to do that.

For the people citing cultural differences, I would say this may be a legitimate point if OP was a guest in her MIL’s house. In that case, I’d suggest just leaving rather than calling her MIL out as a guest.

But its OP’s home and, even more importantly, her daughter’s. She should not have to tolerate being spoken to this way in her own home. Even if she didnt have a medical issue.

Incidentally, there are plenty of British people who would also see it as acceptable to comment on their young granddaughter’s weight under the guise of health concern. So it may well be part of the Asian culture - but it’s also present in Britain or at least was until quite recently. I wonder if this is the reason for the defence of the MIL.

Commenting on an impressionable pre-teen’s body is disgusting. OP, your MIL obviously feels comfortable handing out the shame & judgement - I’d hand her some back and make clear it wont be tolerated in your home.

What to do about neighbour’s rotten apples? He doesn’t think it’s a problem but they stink at this time of year and I have read they attract rats. All on his side otherwise I would go and clean them all up.