Mother in law keeps calling me fat

@Zaina89i have lipoedema so I feel your pain. At 93kg though I’d guess you still have a fair amount of ‘normal’ fat in your body which could be lost with diet / exercise. However, this is not the point. You should ask your MIL to stop commenting, especially in front of your daughter as it will cause her immense damage. In terms of getting diagnosed, you can see a surgeon to seek a formal diagnosis and not have surgery. There are a few in the uk, and there are some private doctors who will also offer face to face consultations to diagnose you. There is no cure through unless you do remove it via surgery. You can manage symptoms with compression garments/ MLD therapy and diet but none of them reduce the size of your legs. If surgery is affordable and you are in good health, you should explore that as an option. There are excellent surgeons in Europe who charge half of what you’d pay here. If you use Facebook, search for some support groups and you’ll find a few. Good luck.

You need to ask your DH to put down a boundary with your MIL. My DH is from a similar background, they listen to sons and when he’s stepped in with mine it’s been helpful and she has listened

A friend of mine has lipodema and she said mounjaro has helped with some of the pain and swelling. It’s now only really visible if you are familiar with lipodema/you know what to look for and she isnt in trousers. She looks great and didn’t have surgery of course everyone is different and it may be recommended. But could be worth starting with the mounjaro xx

If it is Lipodema, weight loss jabs would be a fucking stupid idea.

I would have told her to get the fuck out of my house and not to return until she had learned some manners.

She married into this family and therefore needs to integrate?

What an ugly patriarchal notion. Why didn’t her husband married into her family? Or maybe (just maybe) OP and her H are adults with their own home that get to decide what they to consider acceptable guest behaviour?

anyhow. What I am missing is the husband. Where is he? Why is he not supporting his wife who has repeatedly been reduced to tears? Why is he allowing his mother to make comments about his daughter’s body?

I think the MiL is in OP's country though so arguably it's for the MiL to integrate.

However, while I think the MiL is in the wrong, she's only in OP's country temporarily and she's not going to adapt to a whole new culture straight away. The suggestion to 'look her in the eye and tell her she's rude' made ma laugh because people who are blunt really won't care about that...

@Zaina89 Given that this woman thinks it is OK to say it as it is that must give you free rein to be as rude back to her.

Or you could say "if you can't be polite and respectful towards my daughter and me in our own home you can't expect us to show you politeness and respect either"

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She's a knob OP, I know how utterly draining it is having someone constantly talking about your weight while also telling you to eat more. My mum is like this and its honestly just sheer rudeness. Like you say it wouldn't be tolerated the other way around. No idea how to stop it, its so ingrained.

I be so tempted to make some passive aggressive comment about her appearance so she knows how it feels. ‘You know, I could comment on your appearance and your age too, but I have enough empathy to know that just because you can say something hurtful doesn’t mean you should’.

I'd be telling her to not so politely shut her mouth. Please stand up for yourself and your daughter. Your husband needs to support you too and tell her to shut it, but I suspect he won't or even if he will, she'll just continue anyway. Time to send MIL packing and out of your house.

Correct. And yet Britain that believe their modern politically correct social norms are more superior than most of the world, despite the fact the UK is a tiny island and they’re in the minority.

As a Russian who has lived in several European countries before the UK, other nationalities say what they see. Personally I find hiding and crying in one’s bedroom in your own house because you’re not direct enough to put the guest in their rightful place, a bigger character flaw than someone factually acknowledging someone is overweight. The woman is acting like a guest in her own house.

All of the culture and medical issues aside, she is a guest in your home and should not be making cruel, unnecessary comments to you - the host. I would throw her out on the spot.

it's not the drama some people make it here. And because it's not such a drama, people don't tend to be fat.

Tell her 'you are so rude, shut your mouth or fuck off'. That'll do the trick one way or the other.

I have lipodema, I am also fat as well, I am on mounjaro and it has shifted a LOT of the excess fluid, not all of it but a significant amount.

So in those cultures it’s more polite to make someone dealing with a health condition and with a previous eating disorder cry because she cannot make her body smaller due to her medical condition? And to go on about it day after day when you’re a guest in that persons home?

Tbh, I think that the UK is in the minority when it comes to the social norm of not commenting on weight. In other cultures it’s normal. Even the French do this.

11 isn’t soon… it’s the exact average age for a first period in the UK. 8 is soon, 7 is precocious.

it's not "cuntiness"

Other cultures believe the worst thing is being hypocritical and pretend you don't see something, or pretend that's it's acceptable.

You might not like it, but it doesn't make you right and them wrong.
Different ways to look at things.

Why are people so offended by the word "fat".

I'm fat, mostly down to developing bad coping mechanisms throughout childhood trauma. I don't get offended by the word fat, it's a correct physical description and not much different to saying I have green eyes. Try to be as healthy as you can be and give shots back if people are trying to put you down. Tell her she's getting wrinkly 😆 but most of all don't attach your self worth to your physical appearance because it can and will change as you age. Looking good is all fine and well but you're not an ornament and looking good isn't the same as being a decent person.

Have you told her you have a medical condition and it’s not like normal fat?

Honestly I’d have told her not to be so rude to me in my own home.

In my culture it's traditional to smack insulting people in the mouth.

No. Lipedema is not parallel. Lipedema is THE main issue. If you have lipedema your lipedemic fat can only be removed by suction. Then specific massage

Lipedema tends to be found in the legs and glutes. Mainly. It cannot be removed by wegovy or weight loss or exercise

I’d go absolutely nuclear at mil and DH. All comments and insults stop now. Is she staying in your home? This is a medical condition that’s under active investigation (and even if it wasn’t she needs to learn some manners). I don’t care one jot about cultural differences; no one should be forced to accept insults or jibes. The comparison between SIL and whoever are not helpful.

I hope you and your daughter go out for a nice manicure or whatever to get some respite from this toxic environment.

It sounds from what Op has said, that she has a weight issue. The Lipodema (if any) is quite likely to be a parallel issue.