Mother in law keeps calling me fat

And if you potentially had lipodema? A special medical condition?

So is it OK to tell someone who isn't very clever stupid? Or someone born disabled to mock them for a lack of limbs? Simply because its true?

If I was fat and someone pointed it out it would spur me on to do something about it.

I disagree with this suggestion, injecting yourself to remove you appetite at a huge cost, financially and take away food enjoyment forever, not good.

It’s rude and unnecessary. Overweight people know they are overweight - they don’t need to be told by family members, friends or strangers in the street. Their doctors is the only person who needs to raise this.

Are You the type of person who shouts insults at overweight people in public?

Calling a fat person fat isn’t ’body shaming’. It’s telling the truth.

If @Zaina89 has lipedema , dieting and exercise will not move lipedemic fat

Oh this hurts. I have lipedema in my legs, thighs and my arms and it’s fucking horrific. No amount of exercise or diet helps it and even surgery only helps before it comes back. People don’t understand it unless they’ve been there . My legs are my biggest insecurity and I still remember being called chicken drumstick legs at school because my ankles are slim but the rest isn’t. You need to stand up for yourself and your daughter and if they don’t like it they can leave. In the meantime can you look into therapy. If it is confirmed lipedema you’ll need to get your confidence boosted to accept it .

So if plain speaking is ok how come OP says her husband would likely kick her out of her home if she was equally frank about her in-laws’ physiques?

If everyone is allowed to speak their mind that’s one thing, but if OP has to keep quiet then it sounds a bit rubbish.

Ok MIL is older (and maybe there’s a belief about being polite to elders) but her SIL is presumably a similar age so why couldn’t OP comment on her body without getting in the neck from her DH? That just seems like flat-out double standards!

I guess you are Asian/ Indian ethnicity where petiteness and elegance iand home cookings highly prized but exercise isn't. . You know you have put on weight for a medical reason, and not through gluttony or overeating or alcohol intake. Try to ignore MiLs horrible, nasty and possiblt vindictively hurtful remarks, and if possible bring the visit to an end as soon as you can. Ask you husband for proper support for your emotional and physical wellbeing being. As he is also disrespectful of you if he makes excuses for his mother's behaviour.

Then calm yourself and get some decent medical advice. Ask to be referred to a dietician as well as tests for a proper diagnosis. Although you say your are a tive, raking up a bit more regular exercise structured into your week would probably be beneficial. Are you able to take dance classes for example, and maybe join a local women's running group. A cheap fitness watch will count steps for you . You can get a free basic calorie counter app for you phone. It is often surprising how many calories are consumed in form of hidden fats sugars and carbs. You do need to get this checked with GP,/ dietician as certain illnesses do lower metabolic rate, so can cause weight gain. , but you need to eat a balanced diet at the same time, not a starvation yoyo diet

Utter bollocks.

He also married into her family so your argument makes zero sense. Its up to him to now adapt to her culture by being a decent man and standing with his wife.

And yes if a culture encourages body shaming then its a fucking shit culture because body shaming does not help people lose weight.

Ffs cultural imperialism, what a laugh

She is right to be concerned; people putting on weight (when eating/exercising well) need help. Despite what some smug people say, it's not a question of everyone overweight is overeating, and just needs some jabs. There are genuine conditions-and yours is one many people had never heard of only 5 years ago. Even doctors sometimes know little about it.
When you care about someone, weight gain OR loss that can't be explained is worrying-and (assuming like most people with that condition, you're eating very little, and no junk) she is understandably worried. Explain the condition and send her some links.

Absolutely this. Tell her to pack her stuff up and go home. !

Tone deaf or what !

Sorry - that was not meant for you,
I do apologise.

ODFOD.

Your husband is right, she does not mean to hurt you, you are taking offence at her comments because of your own eating disorder history. Explain to her about the tests you are having medically to explore why this is happening, it is definitely unusual. Try not to take her blunt comments personally.

Bloody say something bad! How dare she be rude to you in your own house!! Ask your husband to speak to the rude cow!!!

This is also a problem of how DIL’s can be treated in some families. The problem here is always the DH. As OP said herself if she called MIL or FIL fat her husband would go ballistic because they damn well know they are being arseholes.

DH will basically be the only person that can intervene directly. The MIL/DIL dynamic can be fraught in British families, it’s often much worse in asian families, theres a reflex to sometimes put the DD in “her place”.

How much do you like your DH Op because if this has happened consistently I don’t think I could bear a husband who allows me to be treated badly over and over by his family.

Ask her once to stop being rude and commenting on your body or your daughter's body.

"I find these comments very rude, not to mention hurtful. I am going to ask you this one time to never do it again. Not to me, not to my daughter. In fact, do not comment on anyone's body in my daughter's presence."

Hold up your hand and say you believe you've been clear if she starts to argue.

Then if she EVER makes another comment tell her to fuck the fuck off. I'm serious, go nuclear.

You mention the size of Britain. Think then of the ginormous population squeezed into it!
Circumlocution, even avoidance, when acute personal remarks are considered, helps everyone rub along without each person insisting that she has the right to jab her sharp elbows into her neighbour’s ribs (because she tells it straight/like it is).
There’s tension enough of course, so any existing cultural norms like this are all the more valuable.
Dutch people (for example, in their wide empty spaces) need not worry, politeness is not about to be forced on them by anyone.

Did anyone claim this is the superior way, in fact? But it is the ingrained and expected way among the majority in the country in question, whatever about how French women or Italian counts may view polite restraint.

One more thing, and it should have been first, really.
I wonder do all these foreign plain speakers speak up every time without any malice or desire to cause distress.
I think that any interpersonal practice which would spare a person gratuitous pain, and which is of no significance to ourselves at all anyway, is about kindness and courtesy at this stage, even if there are those who can discern the fell hand of the British Empire somewhere in the whole caboodle.
It’s a disinterested and decent impulse, that’s all.

Sympathy from a fellow ex-eating disorder patient who finds her hips and belly expand with menopause. It's such a massive downer.

Your MIL just sounds completely out of order. Can you talk to your husband? I think you really need him on board. Culture here or there, it's not hard to understand that a constant drumbeat of comments on an intractable health issue is unhelpful, to put it mildly.

And your DH really should be warning his mum off causing his daughter issues! He needs to discover his spine in relation to his family, basically. Blaming his lack of same on 'culture' is just letting him off the hook.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. It sounds awfully hard.

I know how frustrating it is to eat very little and stay active but not lose weight - I was put on medication for an overactive thyroid a few years back that pushed me into underactive and I went through a period where neither a strict 1000-1200 cals a day OR weight loss jabs worked.

It's really disheartening and you have my sympathy.

BUT!

I really think you need to start standing up for yourself more.

You need to tell your MIL FIRMLY that you are eating well and are active and that doctors are looking into the possibility of there being a problem. Once you've told her that, or if she already knows, then I'd tell her that her comments are not, helpful, not welcome and will not be tolerated any more.

I'd also be telling DH he needs to tell his mother to wind her neck in before she gets a slap!

She sounds like a hideous bully and I bet she's hardly a cover model herself.

Yes I thought I’d read this before. I recognised the OP’s username

I am so sorry op. My dd has been suffering from ED for 3 years now. You need to get this woman out of your house. If your husband goes with her. So be it. It’s not healthy to be around her. Please tell her to fuck off.