Mother in law keeps calling me fat

She needs gone. Before your dd ends up with an eating disorder.
My mil ate like a mouse and tutted at those who didn't.

Maybe tell her that in our culture it's considered very rude to make disparaging comments about a person's physical appearance . Why do some 'cultures' seem to take presedence?

Agree. Your husband needs to step up and tell his mother that she is causing you to feel awful about yourself in your own home and she needs to keep her opinions about your weight to herself. He should have nipped this in the bud the first time in happened.

it's not that at all.

Women are bigger in some countries than others. People generally follow what is socially acceptable.

It's not "shaming" women (or men) to believe that being overweight is a negative.

With weight loss jabs being so fashionable, that will become a non-issue soon, nearly no one will will be overweight soon

Why does weight need to be mentioned it is obnoxious

OK, now you've said that she's started on your child I do feel she has really crossed a line. For your daughter's sake you and your husband need to put a stop to that straightaway. Not acceptable.

Paraphrase Winston Churchill, 'MIL, you're a nasty person, I could diet and become slimmer...........'

there can be a cultural aspect involved

In England, if you mention anything about weight you are "shaming" people, but in many European countries, so right next door to us, they are more factual about it. No one gets offended because it's true, and it's not culturally accepted to be bigger.

All you need is your DH to tell her to shut up about it, and not to upset you because it's not acceptable comments in your house.

I think a lot of asian women don’t actually like this though. Being constantly disparaged for your appearance in your home and having that extend to you child is just not ok. It’s a cultural habit that needs to be dropped. It serves no purpose other than to shame women and make them feel worthless.

Culture is not an insult card, it is rude but the op meeds to woman up and find her voice and use it and not let a man do her thinking for her

Sorry skim read

Chuck her out.

WTF

I’m so fucking sick of ‘culture’ being an excuse for cuntiness.

No it’s fucking NOT ok to call someone fat just because you are Asian.

I would have told not to be so bloody rude the first time she said it to me. But now she has started on your DD as well, I would go absolutely ballistic!

Either she shuts up or she goes home. Your Dh should be backing you up, but if he doesn't, he also needs a good talking to.

@Bringemout

From the OP: "I’ve literally tried everything so I went to the gp and they’ve referred me to the lipedema clinic to see if this is what the issue is ( I’ve had blood tests all are clear)"

How awful for your daughter. My mum used to compare me to my ‘nice & slim’ cousins and make awful comments about my weight. It is unacceptable and this woman should not be in your home if she speaks like that to a child,

Your daughter needs to see you and her father stand up for her.

She’s Asian it’s the culture just relax. If you visit Asia then you would cry everyday, they even have “fat girl shop” or chubby girl etc.

I feel like consistency may help with weight loss? It’s not easy, I fully empathise.

It’s only in the west that I see/hear of people who just gain weight for no reason. I’ve visited food insecure places in developing countries and you don’t see any of those issues. Try a food diary maybe? I know of a few people that found success with that

I’m a pear and my boyish figured in-laws think I’m fat (I think, because they wouldn’t ever say it directly). Personally I like my figure so I just internally role my eyes when people start telling me they are lucky they have such slim legs in a pointed way. Next time anyone says it I think I’m going to just say “well your son loves these chunky thighs” HA!

This sounds like you may need to see a gp, look up lipodema and see if that sounds familiar.

Asian people are horribly direct about appearance, that doesn’t mean it should be tolerated. The best way to do this is to get your DH to have a stern word with your MIL about how she speaks to you, best way for it not to escalate. She literally won’t understand that she’s being unkind but she does need to know that you don’t appreciate her speaking to you this way.

I’m really sorry you sound so sad, stop crying, it’s not ok for anyone to make you feel like this, you have nothing to be embarrassed about or feel ashamed of.

Get your husband to put her in place. Tell him if he won't then you will.
Best wishes

You dont need a man to stand up for you stand up for yourself

How horrible of her. I would absolutely expect my husband to tell her never to speak to you like this again and if she can’t be polite to you then she should go home.

I think this is an ideal example of how to use the MN classic 'did you mean to be so rude?'. Equally you could point out to her that you know that yes, you are big, but that you can lose weight whereas she will still be a nasty bitch.

Obviously I know there are cultural issues at play here and you won't be rude to her. Nor should you. But it is fine to point out to her that her behaviour is rude. You don't have to do it in an aggressive and unpleasant way, in fact you should be exceedingly polite while doing do to get maximum effect. You also need to get your husband to step up. I know those sort of personal comments are more acceptable in Asian culture but she's made her point and doesn't need to continue making it. Is she likely to be with you much longer? Can you engineer a reason for her to go home?

God, I cannot imagine my husband not telling his mother to pack her bags if a hurtful comment of hers upset me.

DO point out to her that she is being rude. And a terrible guest.