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AIBU?

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AIBU to think missing five lessons as a detention seems counterproductive?

259 replies

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 22:57

DC (15) has been given a detention for messing around in class. Fair enough. I’ve told him it’s not acceptable. But, the detention is to miss five lessons. This feels counter intuitive to me. Surely it’s break time they should miss.

He said that one boy hasn’t had a single lesson all term because of his behaviour. GSCE years. If I was that parent I’d be changing schools.

I get that there have to be consequences for disruptive behaviour but won’t this just make the issues worse. For a child who messes about because they don’t understand or can’t keep up, it’s just going to confound the issue.

I don’t know. I’m not a teacher (no amount of money would persuade to me be - it’s such a difficult job) so may be I’m missing something. But this just seems counterintuitive to me and will just set difficult behaviour in stone. If there is a lad whose had no lessons since the start of term the it’s highly unlikely he’ll go back into lessons and participate fully - he won’t have a clue what’s going on, surely?

I’m interested to hear your thoughts.

AIBU or is this intervention likely to make the behaviour they are trying to reduce, worse, or they are sacrificing the education of the kids that struggle more to benefit the others?

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AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:31

Where I work, a day in isolation is a consequence of missing the original after school detention or for serious “red-line” behaviour. Are you sure it is the first consequence in this case? Or that his behaviour is not more serious than you believe?

in relation to your response, and with respect, the other pupils misbehaving, and the reasons for it, are not your concern here. He is choosing to be disrespectful and disruptive and it needs to stop. Maybe he doesn’t like the subject or teacher, we can’t all like everything and not all teachers are great, but he will understand more if he actually listens, completes the work and is neither distracted nor distracting.

The consequence is about more than just him. There is a good chance the teacher (and others in the class) will breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow when they see that they don’t need to deal with him in the lesson.

He doesn’t have that lesson tomorrow. That’s the bit I don’t get.

I think may be he missed one. If it was serious they’d have been in contact.

But regardless, yes he needs a consequence and to learn.

But my point is -

The child that messes around because they don’t understand but are embarrassed - they will fall further behind and the problem will get worse, right?
The child that messes around because they feel anxious and overwhelmed at school will just be relieved.

Surely it’s better to keep them in the lessons they concentrate in, exclude when the behaviour happens. Isolation at break times? If we are going to use negative consequences as the tool.

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titchy · 21/09/2026 23:38

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

The alternative is that the whole class is behind.
Think of the other kids, not just yours.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:34

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/09/2026 23:27

So has he already been in detention to speak to this kid and had a day's exclusion tomorrow? 25 years of teaching and a kid doesn't get a day in whatever it's called in the school for making silly noises. He's been a pain in the arse, disrupted the learning of everyone else in the class and they want a bit of peace and hopefully him to lose his shitty attitude. If he doesn't he keeps getting removed.

I have no doubt his behaviour wasn’t ok. It’s this one lesson and this one teacher. He feels they don’t like him. But the school haven’t contacted me directly. DS told me.

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Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:31

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:14

Yeah. I can understand that in theory but lots of kids that are disruptive it’s because they have unrecognised needs. So getting more behind is going exacerbate that. Surely? And lots of kids would be glad to get out if the lesson if it’s causing anxiety?

Where I work, a day in isolation is a consequence of missing the original after school detention or for serious “red-line” behaviour. Are you sure it is the first consequence in this case? Or that his behaviour is not more serious than you believe?

in relation to your response, and with respect, the other pupils misbehaving, and the reasons for it, are not your concern here. He is choosing to be disrespectful and disruptive and it needs to stop. Maybe he doesn’t like the subject or teacher, we can’t all like everything and not all teachers are great, but he will understand more if he actually listens, completes the work and is neither distracted nor distracting.

The consequence is about more than just him. There is a good chance the teacher (and others in the class) will breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow when they see that they don’t need to deal with him in the lesson.

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:31

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:28

‘Such a smart ass’? What’s your understanding of what his behaviour was?
What’s your understanding of what I do/don’t do at home?

None whatsoever. You wrote the op, professing to be mystified at your misbehaving son being removed from lessons rather than continue disrupting them?

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:30

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:26

But he does work in the other subjects.

Doesn't matter. The punishment is for the bad behaviour in the other lesson and the escalation to isolation will be crystal clear in the behaviour policy. They would have had several chances to correct the behaviour. It's really not a big deal though. I think the idea is that isolation is so dull they don't want to do it again, rather than to scare them.

Morecoffeeneedef · 21/09/2026 23:29

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:10

He focuses in his other lesson. My understanding is it this one subject he is difficult in.

It will be tricky for you to work out what happened just from DCs account.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:29

Cel77 · 21/09/2026 23:26

So that's his choice. He is deliberately choosing to misbehave in that class. Maybe it's time to remind him that he doesn't have to like the teacher to show respect?

So I have used my words to explain that. I talk about people we know who are teachers. I am very clear the behaviour is unacceptable.

What should I do?

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fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:28

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:13

That seems more like what I’d expect and fully support. Or even litter picking duty at lunch! Consequence is fine. It’s missing GCSE lessons I’m not convinced about.

Yeah I don’t get it. I get removing from that lesson at the time.
But not the rest.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:28

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:26

What’s your idea of the “best way” to stop him being a such a smartass? Maybe put it into practice at home? That might help.

‘Such a smart ass’? What’s your understanding of what his behaviour was?
What’s your understanding of what I do/don’t do at home?

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Pieceofpurplesky · 21/09/2026 23:27

So has he already been in detention to speak to this kid and had a day's exclusion tomorrow? 25 years of teaching and a kid doesn't get a day in whatever it's called in the school for making silly noises. He's been a pain in the arse, disrupted the learning of everyone else in the class and they want a bit of peace and hopefully him to lose his shitty attitude. If he doesn't he keeps getting removed.

Cel77 · 21/09/2026 23:26

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:10

He focuses in his other lesson. My understanding is it this one subject he is difficult in.

So that's his choice. He is deliberately choosing to misbehave in that class. Maybe it's time to remind him that he doesn't have to like the teacher to show respect?

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:26

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:25

It's isolation and is very common in secondary. Totally fair enough to get the disruptive kids away from those who want to work. My DS has had a couple.

But he does work in the other subjects.

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KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:26

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:24

Obviously I am doing that. And I fully support the school giving a consequence but I just can’t see how him missing a whole day of learning is going to help. In fact, if he’s then fallen behind and feels anxious he’s more likely to be difficult or avoid school all together. Hopefully it will have the desired effect and scare him into better behaviour but I’m not convinced that’s the best way.

What’s your idea of the “best way” to stop him being a such a smartass? Maybe put it into practice at home? That might help.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:25

I am not considering changing schools. This is hopefully just a one off for my DC.

I do my part at home thanks.

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Thatcannotberight · 21/09/2026 23:25

It might be the shock he needs.
DS ended up in the " Reflection Room" once in yr 8. I can't remember what he did, nothing I was contacted for.
He was given some work to do which he finished very quickly and asked for more work. The supervisor's reaction led him to believe this had never happened before.

He was appalled at the behaviour and language of the other children there. He's never behaved badly enough to go back.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:25

It's isolation and is very common in secondary. Totally fair enough to get the disruptive kids away from those who want to work. My DS has had a couple.

Cel77 · 21/09/2026 23:24

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

Changing schools is an option. Unfortunately, some teenagers will not fit any education setting . Schools have to cater for most. Even with the best of wills, they can not spend precious resources on teenagers who are consistently disruptive. Psrents have a huge part to play in my opinion. They can take things away at home and make their offsprings do extra work. That might help...

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:24

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:21

If they stopped arsing around in class and disrupting everyone else’s learning they may find out? But your own ds is your problem, not anyone else. Concentrate on his need to play the fool rather than behave, because that’s the reason he’s being excluded from class.

Obviously I am doing that. And I fully support the school giving a consequence but I just can’t see how him missing a whole day of learning is going to help. In fact, if he’s then fallen behind and feels anxious he’s more likely to be difficult or avoid school all together. Hopefully it will have the desired effect and scare him into better behaviour but I’m not convinced that’s the best way.

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KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:21

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

If they stopped arsing around in class and disrupting everyone else’s learning they may find out? But your own ds is your problem, not anyone else. Concentrate on his need to play the fool rather than behave, because that’s the reason he’s being excluded from class.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:17

fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:12

And missing all lessons since the start?! Does his school have generally bad results?

That’s someone else’s kid that my DS spoke to in the detention. So it might not be accurate. But if the consequence is five missed lessons and he keeps misbehaving.

It’s a decent school to be fair. Some great teachers. This is new behavioural system brought in by the relatively new head. Not sure if other schools do this and it works. I just can’t see how it would.

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AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:14

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:12

Then he’s making a choice not to behave for that teacher and that is detrimental to both the learning of other students and that teacher’s wellbeing. So, if he doesn’t want to miss other lessons, he learns to make a different choice next time.

Yeah. I can understand that in theory but lots of kids that are disruptive it’s because they have unrecognised needs. So getting more behind is going exacerbate that. Surely? And lots of kids would be glad to get out if the lesson if it’s causing anxiety?

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AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:13

fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:10

That’s mad. Our secondary does lunch detentions or after school. No one gets to miss a lesson. They miss their own time.

That seems more like what I’d expect and fully support. Or even litter picking duty at lunch! Consequence is fine. It’s missing GCSE lessons I’m not convinced about.

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Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:12

Then he’s making a choice not to behave for that teacher and that is detrimental to both the learning of other students and that teacher’s wellbeing. So, if he doesn’t want to miss other lessons, he learns to make a different choice next time.

fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:12

And missing all lessons since the start?! Does his school have generally bad results?

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