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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder why anyone posts on Mumsnet asking for advice anymore?

113 replies

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/09/2026 17:27

Genuine question.

I read so many threads where someone posts because they're upset, worried, confused or just looking for another perspective, and within a handful of replies someone has managed to tell them they're selfish, pathetic, controlling, attention-seeking, a terrible parent/partner or generally defective in some way.

Obviously if you post on a public forum you can't expect everyone to agree with you, and sometimes people genuinely do need to hear that they're being unreasonable. That's the whole point of AIBU.

But there's a difference between being honest and just being unkind and completely unpleasant.

Sometimes the OP hasn't even said anything particularly controversial and people seem to actively search for the least charitable interpretation possible. Then others pile on and before you know it the poor OP is defending something they didn't actually say in the first place.

I've genuinely read threads and thought why on earth would anyone come back and ask for advice after seeing how some posters get spoken to?

Surely it's possible to tell someone they're being unreasonable without making them feel like an absolute piece of shit?

YABU - some posters need taking down a peg or two and I'll continue being harsh to the point of being unpleasant

YANBU - I'd never post in AIBU because of the unpleasant replies

OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/09/2026 17:47

@Batties @OsfameronTanamoril I suppose I mean AIBU but I've also seen it on chat, S&B and relationships. I do appreciate that other parts of mumsnet like the specialist boards are much nicer.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 21/09/2026 17:45

I agree, OP, some of the replies do seem to be very harsh. Even if someone IS (in my eyes) being very unreasonable, there are nicer ways of saying it.

But if an OP has done a massive drip feed which totally alters the situation, and makes the first round of responses totally irrelevant, then the gloves are off!!!

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/09/2026 17:45

Itchonneck · 21/09/2026 17:31

I was on your sofa thread! Please update @AMurderofMurderingCrows … any joy selling? Sorry to derail

Hello 👋 thanks for asking. I have decided to keep them and bought some fabulous pink and green Rocket St George cushions and green knitted M&S throws x

OP posts:
Itchonneck · 21/09/2026 17:38

joelcreasey · 21/09/2026 17:32

Agreed

the phrase ‘you sound grabby/entitled’ is SO tedious and of no use whatsoever to anyone. I have no idea why anyone would type it, it’s spiteful and unhelpful.

What is being spiteful surely is being “grabby”?

OsfameronTanamoril · 21/09/2026 17:37

Batties · 21/09/2026 17:31

You said Mumsnet in your title and AIBU in your post. Which do you mean?

Yes. MN is more than AIBU.

Batties · 21/09/2026 17:33

joelcreasey · 21/09/2026 17:32

Agreed

the phrase ‘you sound grabby/entitled’ is SO tedious and of no use whatsoever to anyone. I have no idea why anyone would type it, it’s spiteful and unhelpful.

What would you write if someone was being grabby or entitled?

Batties · 21/09/2026 17:32

Some people just can’t cope with being told they are being unreasonable.

joelcreasey · 21/09/2026 17:32

Agreed

the phrase ‘you sound grabby/entitled’ is SO tedious and of no use whatsoever to anyone. I have no idea why anyone would type it, it’s spiteful and unhelpful.

Batties · 21/09/2026 17:31

You said Mumsnet in your title and AIBU in your post. Which do you mean?

Itchonneck · 21/09/2026 17:31

I was on your sofa thread! Please update @AMurderofMurderingCrows … any joy selling? Sorry to derail

Itchonneck · 21/09/2026 17:30

It’s mainly on AIBU

And if you ask people if you’re being unreasonable or not… be prepared for posters to say “Hell Yes!!! You’re being unreasonable for XYZ”

GoodForce · 21/09/2026 17:29

The immediate rush to tell the OP that they are wrong and nitpick at them, it is really quite tedious.

OsfameronTanamoril · 21/09/2026 17:29

There are many forums other than AIBU. I post there asking for advice. It's been fine .