AIBU to wonder why anyone posts on Mumsnet asking for advice anymore?

Interaction.
Some people just love a good a barney .

I remember when I was made redundant with a small baby on the 19th March 2020 (I think we all remember what else happened that week) and I was fretting because obviously nurseries were closed and so were job centres. I wasn't sure how I would be able to claim JSA when I couldn't Seek a Job. Some posters were absolutely awful to me on that thread and they're still here today. I haven't started many threads but I have ended up hiding all of them.

Because they can’t help themselves, whether it be out and out shittiness or passive aggressive comments.

Why even bother replying to a thread like that though?

I get what most of you are saying but... some of the pile ones are justified, when someone doesn't live in the real world and is incapable of reading the room for example. And they double down that their way is completely normal/common despite literally everyone saying otherwise. I'm not talking people being contrary for the sake of it or others just blindly following like sheep, I mean really obvious unanimous yabu - I fear some of you these threads may fall under this category.

I think people sometimes need to write down the problem as a way of clarifying it to themselves. Or they want to talk it over. Or they have made up their mind already but want validation for the decision. They don't necessarily want advice as such. But you are right some responses can be unkind. I play a game with myself where I guess which direction the answers will go. It's not always what I expected.

Absolutely! Always a tsunami of negative responses pinning blame - why did you marry him? Was he like this before? Perhaps they have ASD/ADHD/depression, did you do something awful first.

It’s like some posters are deliberately contrary.

See also the derailing and overanalysing - yes it is damaging to wash your hair everyday/no but I can’t/yes but you shouldn’t/no but I’m not rich enough

Yeah-but-no-but-yeah-but-no-but.

Tedious!

I've been here since 2006 and it was ever thus. I think people are more polarised in general now and more online than they were back then, so it seems like more of a pile-on. But I've asked for advice here just this week on what could be seen as quite a contentious topic and people were absolutely lovely.

When DD was little I had nobody to ask for parenting advice and MN was a lifesaver. I hope that parents in the position I was still find it to be so.

Yes this. I often write out a long post to vent, and then delete it because I know I’ll get shot down for it.

A post is obviously going to be one-sided, but it’s frustrating how others start making up stuff for the other side and skewing the thread. It’s one thing to say “maybe the other person was thinking x”or to call out the OP on things they have written as fact, but to berate the OP for made-up details is unhelpful and mean-spirited.

Or when you specially say you’re NOT asking for advice (just venting), get it anyway, remind them you weren’t asking for advice and then get accused of being rude and ungrateful because people are “only trying to help you”

The issue I have found is that sometimes you have to change a number of details to avoid the scenario being identifiable. Sometimes, a detail I have changed that I thought was irrelevant has ended up being picked up on by someone and criticised (when it didn't actually happen that way) or has led to me having to make further hasty improvisations. For example, I described a couple as husband and wife when in fact they just lived together and then due to an unexpected direction the thread took, had to invent a plausible reason for not having been at their wedding😆

The worst thing about posting for advice on the internet is that how you explain the scenario likely bears little resemblance to the actual situation. Certain things are going be emphasised, and other minimised or omitted as what people ultimately want isn't advice, it's validation.

Id only ask for advice if i was ready for the harsh judgement of the privileged.

It’s not a forum to share on now, I actually came here tonight because I am facing one of the most frightening financial abuse situations I could possibly imagine but I am too scared to post and get help because of this.

Mumsnet once saved me, years back, because of the amazing help I got here but my recent experience of trying to get help made the situation worse because of how my post was treated.

I wonder what changed here

I think some replies are from people using it as an outlet for their own frustrations and life circumstances i.e. they aren’t happy with their own lives so they jump on to have a go at someone else. I’ve particularly noticed it with relationship aibu posts. An incident a poster mentions is met with “I wouldn’t put up with that, I would leave”. Fair enough if it’s warranted but often times it doesn’t seem to be. If someone is leaving the milk out or doesn’t put their shoes away but otherwise is a caring respectful partner, then advising someone to LTB is a bit much.

@Considery has it spot on !

Otherwise known as.. the mumsnet pile on

@Doubleknow Name changes are called out. Your age is called out. Your thoughts and posts from 10 years ago are called out by some saddos.

Same! I work with someone who’s a senior-professional MN detective! So I will change certain details like ages or gender or locations on a post so long as it doesn’t change the meaning and saying you have a 10 and 11 year old rather than a 11 & 12 year old or saying DP instead of DH and so on rarely makes a difference.

Aye but there is TONS of good advice on here! AIBU has always been a bit click baity but I get relationship & finance advice reading on those threads, meals ideas, product reviews and ideas of where to go on holiday!

There was one where OP referred to her DP as DH between different threads. A poster actually picked this up! OP said she used DH to make it easier and avoid all the how long have you been with your DP/ you’re opening yourself up if not married derailments. That wasn’t good enough.

Most people know there will be some timewasters, bullshitters etc, but some posters derail thread after thread with their suspicions. “interesting first post” - who cares if it’s a first post or a name change?
People then justify “long time lurker, penis beaker, Mexican house lady etc”.

AIBU has always been the same, you need serious thick skin to post on here. Other boards aren’t so bad and I have had some genuinely really helpful advice on those in the past.

I can't be doing with the 'blunt' nonsense excuse. It's perfectly possible to make your point without being an arse about it.

It think AIBU has always been nasty, but the other boards were genuinely helpful to me when DC were young. Now the most inocculous OP has potential to be a stream of abuse about why she bought the situation on herself.

Even if she did, she's asking for help and that's not helpful. Anything from weaning and toilet training to relationships, child behaviour and finances, people just want to attack and make someone who was already feeling bad feel worse.