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AIBU thinking this is just really irresponsible to get a kitten!

57 replies

Catswisk · 21/09/2026 16:22

Name change as I don’t want this to be linked to my other threads incase it’s outing!

since my DD started nursery she’s been friends with another little girl, naturally I became friends with the mum, both our daughters are now 11 and are still in the same school. We enjoy each others company and get along well etc.

a few years ago DH and I managed to get on the property ladder, shortly after moving in we got DD a kitten.

DDs friend then started nagging her mother for a kitten after seeing ours. So her mum bought her a cat too, shortly after getting the cat the mum was asking me costs for cat food and spaying insurance etc, they are more cash strapped than us as she doesn’t work, the mum has told me she is on benefits.

the mum has been making more comments to me recently about the cost of living and that cat food, litter etc all rising, they never had their cat spayed as it was too expensive, for that reason the cat is a house cat. She’s also said that she doesn’t insure the cat as the cat doesn’t go out.

None of the above really bothered me, the cat was always healthy looking relaxed and fed when we visit. However DD came home from school early last week and said that her friend has a new kitten.

I just don’t understand why you’d take on another animal knowing you’d struggle to afford them. I’m a huge animal lover and I just don’t think it’s right, AIBU to stop hanging out with this woman?

OP posts:
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beaglescurleduplikebagels · 21/09/2026 18:48

Rachelshair · 21/09/2026 17:59

Indoor cats are much cheaper to keep as they won't need fleaing, worming or vaccinations as they aren't coming into contact with other cats or hunting mice. Also cats groom themselves, there are no grooming costs usually. Maybe won't need insurance either as they are not at risk of accidents as they don't go out. I don't think it's worth making a fuss about it really.

Indoor cats can still get fleas and worms and need to be treated the same as outdoor cats do. They also still need vaccinations if they're ever going to go into a cattery.

Insurance doesn't just cover accidents from going outside - what about illnesses, dental treatment, a broken leg because the cat jumped off the sofa and landed wrong, for example?

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/09/2026 18:55

And indoor cats need a lot more entertainment & enrichment. They’re not the easy option. My 7-year-old has a cat-proofed balcony & the flat is more or less a cat adventure playground.

HalzTangz · 21/09/2026 19:01

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 21/09/2026 17:41

Amazing! Could you please point me in the direction of the insurance company, vets and food brand that do 2-4-1?

The OP said the woman doesn't have insurance or spayed the first cat, presently she won't do for the new car either, so the only extra coat is food

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/09/2026 19:10

But the woman is clearly an irresponsible idiot who hasn’t bothered to do even basic research. It’s this kind of person who ends up with a litter of kittens & either sells them with no idea what kind of homes they’re going to or abandons them for someone else to take responsibility.

Bloodysquirellls · 21/09/2026 19:15

Have a now 13 yo cat. Very bad idea not to get insurance!

And the cost of insurance for older cats is crippling!

mbosnz · 21/09/2026 19:19

I hope to God they're either female, or neutered. You wouldn't credit it, but some dumbarses think that cats won't mate if they're in the same household - because they're like brother and sister, don't you know?

seahorsessky · 21/09/2026 19:24

It's awful to get a vulnerable, dependent thing without properly planning and finding out about it first. I'd love lots of pets (and more kids) but as I can't afford, in either time or money, to do that properly, I don't.
Wish people had to pass a test/get qualifications as they do before they're allowed to drive. Obviously there's some idiots on the road/people who ignore the laws, but if licences/insurance/MOT became optional, imagine how much worse it could be.
None of my business? It makes me angry when I see animals, or kids, suffer because of people like your friend, OP. I know someone who works in animal welfare, and too many people think it's "free like it is with kids" (as in the taxpayer will sort out medical bills/food-did this friend think she'd get extra benefits or free food/vet bills?

cartagenagina · 21/09/2026 19:28

You want to end your friendship with this woman because she has chosen to spend her money on a new kitten? Really?

I am struggling to understand how this affects you. Aside from the jealousy you have described.

Talking about how expensive litter and cat food has become is just passing the time of day with another cat owner.

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/09/2026 19:29

I do comms for my local rescue & while I’m not directly involved with the cats much, I could tell loads of horror stories about what happens when people don’t care for their cats properly - which includes not bothering to neuter them, even if they are indoor cats.

Pinkissmart · 21/09/2026 19:29

It’s really none of your business

Seziah · 21/09/2026 19:35

FlirefliesAbound · 21/09/2026 17:47

Are both cats the same sex? Because if not and they’re not getting spayed/neutered she may well have a few more than 2 to feed and care for in a few months.

I wonder if that is her plan to make some extra money. A family friend charges £1,100 per kitten, but they are pedigree tbf

Onelifeonly · 21/09/2026 19:36

PDSA provide veterinary services for those on benefits.

I went from one cat to two (the 2 after the first died). I spoilt the first with fancy food as I was childfree then but had two kids with the next 2, so they shared big cans of inexpensive food- costs similar to that I'd spent on my solo cat.

Indoor cats don't really need flea treatments as they catch them off other cats - our vet recently told us not to bother re our remaining cat when she went through a period of never going out.

However I take your point about your friend being somewhat irresponsible but as long as she isnt deliberately abusive to the cats, I can't see why it should affect your friendship. There are far worse things she could do.

Dollymylove · 21/09/2026 19:43

If your are on benefits I think you can get a voucher towards neutering. A female cat will potentially escape when in heat, the Toms will have the scent and will be circling.
A few weeks later one cat will become 5 or 6. 😬

CinnamonBuns67 · 21/09/2026 19:49

Yanbu. It was very irresponsible to get the first one that she couldn't afford to take care of properly let alone a second one.

Dameputtingonabraveface · 21/09/2026 20:06

Totally agree OP. I have 5 cats, only had one then started fostering for a local rescue, adopted 2 of the many we have had and have 2 long term fosters who seem to be going no where. For a start, the cost of cat food has more than doubled in recent years. Insurance for our two young healthy adopted moggys is now nearly 40 each a month- add in vaccinations and flea treatments etc. Without insurance can be invalid.

Our OG is very elderly and turned up in our garden as an at least 6 year old when I was recently widowed and could not afford to insure. I would never put any of my cats through long-term treatment for cancer etc, but I have paid out for dental (over £1000) and a skin condition which has cost £100s. She is looking pretty ropey these days but is happy and still has quality of life. When the time comes 13 years after she first arrived, this is still a few hundred pounds.

As a fosterer of many feral cats and kittens, and someone who has been out to help trap colonies due to owners not bloody neutering their cats, I hold owners who do not get this done in total contempt. The poor health, injury and interbreeding is heart breaking. In the overall cost of cat ownership it is not that expensive and many charities will fund it if approached for those on benefits. This is where cats differ from dogs, it is an essential and the reason rescues are over run is because it is not happening

Dameputtingonabraveface · 21/09/2026 20:13

Thought the thread needed some rather fab cats added!

Brummyhelpplease · 21/09/2026 20:15

Rachelshair · 21/09/2026 17:59

Indoor cats are much cheaper to keep as they won't need fleaing, worming or vaccinations as they aren't coming into contact with other cats or hunting mice. Also cats groom themselves, there are no grooming costs usually. Maybe won't need insurance either as they are not at risk of accidents as they don't go out. I don't think it's worth making a fuss about it really.

Indoor cats do still need to get medications for fleas and worms and have vaccinations especially if you need to put them in a cattery while you go away at all. Also as my cat is an indoor cat the cost of his indoor toys are fairly expensive but this is what I do to keep him healthy and happy. Insurance is a must as they can get ill without going outdoors. Arguably my dog is possibly more expensive to 'run' as he needs a licence along with everything the cat needs and you cannot have a fully indoor dog, thats just mean I think.

Dameputtingonabraveface · 21/09/2026 20:15

Fab cats

AIBU thinking this is just really irresponsible to get a kitten!
AIBU thinking this is just really irresponsible to get a kitten!
AIBU thinking this is just really irresponsible to get a kitten!
AIBU thinking this is just really irresponsible to get a kitten!
AIBU thinking this is just really irresponsible to get a kitten!
Femalemachinest · 21/09/2026 20:15

Indoor cats do still need fleaing and worming, you can bring all sorts from outside in on your body. I have an indoor cat and like to keep him up to date with everything just incase he ever does get out.

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/09/2026 21:09

Me too. And indoor cats, as a couple of us or more have explained upthread, also need neutering because not to do it is cruel, whether intentionally or not.

Fakeplasticchimneyswhy · 21/09/2026 21:44

So you’ve known each other for maybe 8 years, get on well and enjoy each other’s company which for most people would constitute a friend. Yet now you’re asking complete strangers whether you should stop hanging out with ‘this woman’ (this and ‘the mum’ is how you refer to her) all because she’s acquired a kitten after having mentioned to you she was on benefits. Why would you need other people’s opinions on whether to stop ‘hanging out’ with her? This is so blatantly a made up benefits bashing thread.

tomblybooo · 22/09/2026 18:34

I’m sure the pdsa spay for free? Or a reduced cost

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/09/2026 18:37

Too expensive to neuter? Cats Protection provide support so that it costs about £20. Then there's the PDSA/Blue Cross for treatment and vaccinations at low cost.

I'm surprised you've met a person who is completely unaware of this. Or is it that you were unaware of this when writing the post?

Dollymylove · 22/09/2026 18:44

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/09/2026 21:09

Me too. And indoor cats, as a couple of us or more have explained upthread, also need neutering because not to do it is cruel, whether intentionally or not.

Correct. Unfettered toms will display antisocial behaviours, spraying around the house, which smells disgusting and very hard to eradicate. Aggression, clawing to get out of the house and howling when scenting females in heat.Not pleasant at all.
Female unneutered in heat will display similar behaviours. Neutering is the kindest thing you can do for your pet cat, and will eradicate the misery of litters of unwanted kittens 🥲

spirit20 · 22/09/2026 18:46

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 16:28

2 cats can live as cheaply as 1

How? Do they split bills and rent..?