Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 16yr old can say thank you themselves

41 replies

wheresmymillionaire · 21/09/2026 11:21

We are not a particulary close family, I see my niece and nephew a couple of times a year I would say. We always have a nice chat and they tell me about what they are up to. Nephew is 16 and has just taken his GCSE's. I sent some money over to his bank account to say well done. (I tend to send money for Christmas and birthdays plus special occasions.) I do not have his phone number.
The thing is, unless I chase them or my sister to check they received the money, I never get a thank you. And that thank you usually comes from my sis.

AIBU to expect a 16 and 19yr old to now say thank you themselves? (My Niece has my number).
Am I being old fashioned to expect a thank you?

OP posts:
TheJoyousHiker · 21/09/2026 13:19

BoredZelda · 21/09/2026 12:35

You have zero relationship with these children but you want them to be grateful because you throw them a few quid every now and then?

The don’t have your number either. How are they supposed to say thanks? Why not ask your sister for their number and send them a text with a message of congratulations. If adults want teenagers to behave like adults, they have to act like adults themselves.

Well, how about ..”Mum, I want to thank Auntie X for my birthday gift, will you send me her number so I can message her” …. ??

Maybe adults should demonstrate and encourage basic good manners so they don’t end up with 18 yo children who can’t make an effort to say thanks for a gift.

Boreded · 21/09/2026 13:17

MellowSubmarine · 21/09/2026 12:59

In the OP it says her niece has her number. It really wouldn’t be hard to send a one line thank you text.

Show quote history

But she didn’t give to the niece, she gave to the nephew

Boreded · 21/09/2026 13:16

You don’t have his phone number…so I’m guessing he doesn’t have yours…so how is he going to say thanks

Wayk · 21/09/2026 13:15

I agree. I gave a 30 year old relative 500 recently and no thank you. I had enough,

TheJoyousHiker · 21/09/2026 13:14

I’d simply stop sending him anything. Or just send a card with nothing in it. If your sister says anything, just say that you’ve stopped as never got a thank you, so obviously wasn’t appreciated.

I’ve stopped sending gifts to people who haven’t the basic manners to say a simple Thank You.

AlexandraCarrington · 21/09/2026 13:06

MN is full of people that don't like to contact other people, who are much older than 19. Why wouldn't they be nervous?

What is there to be nervous about? You type the message and press send. It's not even as if you have to pick up the phone and speak to someone.

Again, how do they manage in the workplace?

Mouldemort · 21/09/2026 13:01

It's partly on your sibling. They should have been taught to do at least a simple text saying "thank you so much for the cash."

MellowSubmarine · 21/09/2026 12:59

BoredZelda · 21/09/2026 12:35

You have zero relationship with these children but you want them to be grateful because you throw them a few quid every now and then?

The don’t have your number either. How are they supposed to say thanks? Why not ask your sister for their number and send them a text with a message of congratulations. If adults want teenagers to behave like adults, they have to act like adults themselves.

In the OP it says her niece has her number. It really wouldn’t be hard to send a one line thank you text.

redskyAtNigh · 21/09/2026 12:52

AlexandraCarrington · 21/09/2026 12:46

I can see they might feel nervous about getting in touch.

Why should a 19 yo feel nervous about sending a simple message?

'Thank you for the money. I'm saving to go on holiday/get driving lessons/buy a car so it will be very useful. Love Niece.'

What's so hard about that? How do people manage in the.workplace if they can't send a message to a relative?

MN is full of people that don't like to contact other people, who are much older than 19. Why wouldn't they be nervous?
And after so many years of not bothering why would they suddenly think to bother?

AlexandraCarrington · 21/09/2026 12:46

I can see they might feel nervous about getting in touch.

Why should a 19 yo feel nervous about sending a simple message?

'Thank you for the money. I'm saving to go on holiday/get driving lessons/buy a car so it will be very useful. Love Niece.'

What's so hard about that? How do people manage in the.workplace if they can't send a message to a relative?

WonderingWhyAndHow · 21/09/2026 12:36

My niece is 18. I have yet to receive a thank-you directly from her, even for gifts given to her in person. A couple of months ago, I sent a present for her high school graduation, and I have decided that it is the last gift I will purchase for her. Initially, I felt bad for not including her on my Christmas list, but then I thought about the money I've spent on birthdays and Christmas over the years without acknowledgement.

BoredZelda · 21/09/2026 12:35

You have zero relationship with these children but you want them to be grateful because you throw them a few quid every now and then?

The don’t have your number either. How are they supposed to say thanks? Why not ask your sister for their number and send them a text with a message of congratulations. If adults want teenagers to behave like adults, they have to act like adults themselves.

Lomonald · 21/09/2026 12:30

You are not close it is awkward for everyone, i would probably stop sending money, and expecting them to behave differently,
My husband and his sibling are not close we hardly see them we just send cards now because it is so strained.

Netcurtainnelly · 21/09/2026 12:25

wheresmymillionaire · 21/09/2026 11:21

We are not a particulary close family, I see my niece and nephew a couple of times a year I would say. We always have a nice chat and they tell me about what they are up to. Nephew is 16 and has just taken his GCSE's. I sent some money over to his bank account to say well done. (I tend to send money for Christmas and birthdays plus special occasions.) I do not have his phone number.
The thing is, unless I chase them or my sister to check they received the money, I never get a thank you. And that thank you usually comes from my sis.

AIBU to expect a 16 and 19yr old to now say thank you themselves? (My Niece has my number).
Am I being old fashioned to expect a thank you?

Pleas just dont bother. It causes you stress and upset. Your not going to change it so don't bother

Charel2girl5 · 21/09/2026 12:23

redskyAtNigh · 21/09/2026 11:43

You are not wrong to expect a thank you but if they've never contacted you directly and you only see them a couple of times a year, I can see they might feel nervous about getting in touch.

Personally I'd just stop sending them money. Not sure why you do it when you are not a close family anyway.

Nailed it in one! Was just about to write your exact answer.

redskyAtNigh · 21/09/2026 11:43

You are not wrong to expect a thank you but if they've never contacted you directly and you only see them a couple of times a year, I can see they might feel nervous about getting in touch.

Personally I'd just stop sending them money. Not sure why you do it when you are not a close family anyway.

Swipe left for the next trending thread