To think a 16yr old can say thank you themselves

I stopped sending our niece (dh side) presents for her children when she stopped saying thank you. The kids were young but also I realised she never even bothered to send us a card at Christmas (in the days when they were more common) and when my dad dies she said nothing to me although we met before dd funeral. I realised I didn’t count as I was not one of the blood relatives. I also stopped instigating invites over to us and DH did not step in. Yes it was noticed and no I don’t care.

I told my nephews mother that no more presents would be forthcoming if he didn’t thank me for them. He was about 20 at the time and I’ve had thank you texts both for birthdays and Christmases since.

We stopped when we didn't get thanked.

Stop sending it. They’re clearly not grateful so why bother.

Sorry but why do the young people of today just have an excuse for everything 😭

YANBU at all. If someone has given you money/gift/card etc for an occasion then you say thank you, that's how I was raised. If the children don't have your number then perhaps your sister should advise them to contact you and remind them to use their manners

He is more than old enough to thank you himself. Back in the Dark Ages, I was expected to write and thank relatives for gifts as soon as I could write, and obviously in those days it meant a proper letter and envelope to address! These days, they have text messaging as a quick and easy option - there is no excuse at all.

Don't bother next time, just give congratulations/happy birthday/whatever message and keep your cash.

I find it a little blunt to just drop money into nephews account rather than card/phonecall or message saying well done/congratulations etc.

YANBU. I have a child not much older than this and I would absolutely expect her to text or call (depending on how close she is to the person) if someone sent her a present. I would, until recently, probably have checked with her that she had done it.

Exactly! My 10 year old daughter calls or sends a voice note to relatives who have given her money from my phone (she doesn't have one) to say thank you. I can't believe an older child would find this difficult - if they are a bit shy they could send a message.

Out of curiosity, do you tell them you’ve sent it? Don’t assume kids that age are carefully monitoring their bank accounts to see money coming in. They may not even know you’ve done it.

Nervous to send a text saying ‘thank you for the money’… really?

Also, i have a much more honest relationship with my nieces - they will tell me when I got it spot on but they’ll also tell me when they think the gift is a bit left field. I’d much rather that relationship than a faux-grateful thank you letter their mum made them write.

Yes. Of course they should say thank you. It is the basic rule of manners to say “please and thank you”.
A text would take no time.
I wouldn’t send them anything else.

Why are people sending money/gifts just because a family member has left school or passed exams?

Just don't send anything anymore Op.

I don’t actually really get the concept of recipients being obligated to say thank you.

i would never expect my nieces to thank me specifically for their gifts other than saying thanks at the time or if they remember, in passing when I next see them. I really don’t like the idea of a gift from me bringing an extra job for them to remember to carry out. Also I’m aware that the action of saying thank you, especially a written thank you, doesn’t actually reflect whether they were grateful or not- someone can write a beautiful flowery thank you about a gift they hate, whilst someone else could LOVE the gift but not write to say so.

I also don’t think people should expect a thank you card because they are assuming the other person IS grateful. What if they didn’t want or need the gift? You still want them to say thank you?? Pretty big assumption that you got it spot on for them…

You don’t have teenagers do you? I have to remind mine to brush his teeth sometimes…he is smart, attending uni, polite…still needs reminding about things in life that are totally natural to most.

Well. … Mum, “son, your aunt was on, did you get the money she sent you for your birthday”. Son, “yes”. Mum, “sister, yes, thank you, he got it”.

The OP has said she doesn’t get a thanks until she checks that was received.

Anyway, why would am 18 yo ask their mum to pass on a thanks. Surely they should have the cop-on and good manners to do this themselves.

I wouldnt bother sending them anything unless they have the good manners to say thankyou. Tell your sister no more money.

YANBU. At all. They should. But I’m sure I’m not the only parent who used to have to remind them to do it, at least when they were at home. Now I just have to hope for the best. I think they do it. I’ve told mine that if they don’t thank, I hope the senders stop sending. Nobody wants to send money and gifts in to a black hole.

£500?! Ask for it back.

I've never received a bank transfer as a gift, I don't tend to scroll through the list of transactions on my bank app, the teenagers might be similar. Did you tell him you were transferring money to him?

Better off just giving gifts and money to people you're close to.

Maybe the kids asked their mum to say thanks for them…how else would she know that they had been given monwy

yeah but she is talking specifically about the nephew this time.

My teen may not notice money appearing in bank account. She would probably assume it is me or her dad sending planned pocket money or whatever. Especially if same surname.

I think asking sister for their number and a text message or post a card card saying congratulations on exam may be more appropriate.

But she didn’t give to the niece, she gave to the nephew

She gives to both of them. She says 'AIBU to expect a 16 and 19yr old to now say thank you themselves? (My Niece has my number)'.

Eh, ask his mum for her number ? Not a difficult thing to do, surely ?