Being told to be grateful for child maintenance

They do it for council tax payments, why can't the same thing be done for child maintenance?

It is lucky though IN CONTEXT - you understand what is meant by this, you just want to beat the drum about how kids should be paid for…I agree with you 💯 but it doesn’t make the sentence untrue.

And honestly, if you choose to have a child with a man who doesn’t have a job, you know he can’t contribute, so yes if he decided to then that does mean you were lucky that despite making terrible choices you still get something.

But ultimately, it’s the child that is unlucky in this situation, not you or her dad, she didn’t have any choices but you both do. You can’t choose an unsuitable man and then say ‘nooooo don’t blame women’ because genuinely lots of women have made the right choices and end up in bad situations, but choosing a man without a job makes you responsible too. In your case you chose one with a job so no blame for you, but those who don’t, it is definitely partially the blame of the woman.

Read what I’ve written.

I have said that you (specifically) didn’t choose an unemployed man…

Just because I use the word you (non-specifically) doesn’t mean that I’m talking to you (specifically)

I think I understand why you are failing to see the context of lucky in this situation now…and for that reason I’m going to bow out as it’s a pointless endeavour

Pretty unfair considering you edited your post to add that bit on about not referring to OP. It’s a shit opinion to just blame women anyway. Men have brains and sperm, they are responsible for their own actions, women can’t predict the future. HTH

The other scandalous thing about the £7 a week when someone is on benefits is the issue of “priority debts”.

only a set amount can be removed for debts and there are some that are priority - advance payments, rent, gas/electric, council tax and fines - and CMS is not a priority debt so if money is being removed for priority debts then the CMS deduction can be reduced or stopped.

I worked on several cases where the man openly told his ex he had the council tax being removed from benefits because it meant no CMS. It’s a tactic discussed on some anti-payment forums.

Let’s be honest here, he’s on benefits so he’s not able to pay you more than that. It’s annoying but there’s sod all you can do about it. Did you stop your CMS claim when he said he’d pay more? If so, resubmit it straight away!

I spoke to my MP after I left working for CMS and she said (she’s no longer an MP) that she’d tried to bring it up a few times but there is just zero political will to do anything with CMS.

I’m quite amazed that with the current focus on the welfare bill that a new proponent of the “keep £20 a week and the rest is owed to the government” style CMS hasn’t been brought up. There is just no will to make men (and it is vastly men) pay up regularly and reliably. No matter who benefits from that.

Absolutely insane that children are not considered a priority. Your responsibilities towards your children should be the number one priority and society should be organised to reflect that expectation.

It's mad. It's not a gift, it's not a kindness, it's a contribution to the upbringing of their child, it's often the bare minimum.

I don’t think that’s what the poster was saying

Again, you’ve misread it…

YANBU your ex is pathetic excuse of a father

I always received regular maintenance and a good amount simply because my ds dad is a higher earner he is also very involved in his child’s life and supportive towards his child he is a good dad

but never have I been grateful and shut this down when told I’m lucky as this message tells ds he should be grateful too but why should I expect any less for our child and he paid for things on top of maintenance (clothes etc) because he loves his child and is in a position too that’s what good loving parents do

I’m thankful I’m not in the position that many single mums are and I appreciate that I have had had it easier but not grateful as this should be the standard

The bar is so so low that that we tell women be grateful for maintenance is so wrong it once again takes away responsibility for all these pathetic men who hi happen to be fathers

Income tax has already been paid on the money by the NRP. Are you suggesting the resident parent ALSO pay tax on the same money?

It’s a sign of the dire state of CMS that anyone is considered lucky to get it, but can understand the comments tend to come from people who have received nothing and so would be thankful even to have that £7. Lucky is the wrong word though.

Any woman who tells you to think yourself lucky... tell them its not a flex.

Both of your ex's can be deadbeats, those two things can be true, one isnt better than the other because he pays £7, they are both shit. You've both got out, left them behind; thats good, don't defend their shitness because its not as shit as Sharon has it!

Its not a race to the bottom.

Yes I added that before she replied, you can’t edit once it has been up for any length of time or if someone has reacted or replied.

I edited to add the bit because I knew what was coming next from Op and that she was immediately going to assume you was personal when it actually was not. I tried to head off the inevitable reply that was coming if I didn’t fix it.

Ive not actually at any point said anything other than what op is failing to consider is context. And that claims that it is never a woman’s fault that a man doesn’t pay for their children isn’t strictly true. If you choose a man who doesn’t work you have chosen a man who cannot pay.

I agree you absolutely cannot blame ALL women, but SOME do cause their own problems by having children with unsuitable men. However, even if you choose an unsuitable man, I’m not saying women should be blamed fully, I’m just saying that they have contributed to the situation.

You can edit a post while someone is in the prop was of writing a reply.

MN really should change it so they as soon as the quote button is pressed you cannot as it makes replies look really odd sometimes

I'm suggesting that whoever is the end recipient of income should be liable for the appropriate tax. Perhaps it should be a pre-tax salary deduction? I don't know. But the fact that it's disregarded as income is a huge contributor to the attitude some have towards it.

I think cases like yours are the reason why some mums who receive lots in CM should probably be grateful, yes. Some dads do go above and beyond what is expected and pay far more than the government would ask them to, though I’d say that’s vanishingly rare and more are sadly like your ex. It makes them stand out as a result. The bare minimum CMS demands of any NRP isn’t enough.

Single parents are already significantly disadvantaged by the tax system. To move the tax burden from the payer to the payee would only increase that disadvantage.