AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

I mean, just because he was happy for you not to work that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have worked. It would be different if he prevented you from working. You were happy to coast along doing nothing.

Reason 827291919 that I still 100% believe being a stay at home wife is always a horrendous idea.

A friend of my brother’s got divorced and gave his ex-wife the house, provided she didn’t come after his pension.

I’m not sure why I’m being called greedy and a parasite. He didn’t want me to work. He was happy to pay for everything. More fool me for assuming it would last forever but here we are.

50% sounds grabby to be honest, it's his and he worked for it. Nothing to stop you getting a job and building a pension, you made the choice.

There must be trolls on this thread ! When yr married, yr a team, when you divorce assets get split 50/50. The main breadwinners pension is absolutely split equally.

What people are forgetting, is that in the 1950s and 1960s most people didnt own washing machines. So washing was 2hrs of boiling, followed by using a mangle, repeatedly (as the stove was too small to do the whole family at once). It took a day or two a week.

Few owned fridges or freezers or cars. So meal prep meant a daily walk to buy the days food. And then prepare it from complete scratch.

Many grew veg or kept chickens or rabbits to keep food costs lower. Clothes were typically homemade.

So being a "housewife" with grown up kids was hard work and not at all comparable to today.

Yes I am a bit clueless. I don’t know how literally the ‘half’ is taken. So I understand I am entitled to half the marital assets but that would be the income from the pension not the actual cash equivalent then? I will need more cash than half the house to buy something of my own so was wondering if I could release it or have a claim on his future income somehow

50% sounds grabby to be honest, it's his and he worked for it. Nothing to stop you getting a job and building a pension, you made the choice.

@DivorcingDebbie25 I think you need to take a bit of time, and remember why you wanted to divorce. You are both going to be less wealthy when this has all gone through.

You need a family lawyer, presume you have some access to funds.

You H doesn’t sound unreasonable, paying rent for you and agreeing to separate on your request. He sounds like he is fine to go along with things that I assume he thinks you want.

But you can’t have it all.
Once divorced his future earnings will be his and any inheritance which might come his way will also be his (inheritance can be expected but until it happens isn’t guaranteed).

Have you looked at your own state pension? How many years credits you have (you will have some from child benefit) but you need to look at that and also look at what benefits you might be able to claim, they will give you credits towards state pension but job seekers for example will expect to see evidence of you looking for work.

If he had a pension pot of “millions” you will get some, £1 million pension pot can give you £30-40k income for about 30 years - that takes you to 90.

Which will mean a lower lifestyle I expect for you but you won’t starve, you need to look at what income you will have in relation to what property you could afford to run. But this all isn’t bad for someone who has never earned.

You will need this income for the future so asking for the cash value seems dumb, plus legally you can’t just withdraw money from pension funds, you can take some out, but that reduces future payments and you will need income (especially if you have little state pension) you need to leave as much as you can in the fund.

So you need to take some time and take this one step at a time.

Hopefully you both can divorce amicably and you can move forward remaining parents/grandparents to your family.

There are many strands with divorce, it sounds like there are enough assets for you to be ok. But the emotional and family dynamics are all things to considered and it would help if you were gracious during the separation process. And remember this was your choice.

Are you going to have a fabulous house, in a nice area of London, with endless funds to travel and dine out? Unlikely (depends on the pension pot and what millions means).

But you could easily have a smaller home and secure average income. No one in real life gets richer in divorce.

How old do you think people who were parents of adult children in the 50s and 60s are? That’s the era of my great grandparents… who are all very dead now. You’re talking about people who would be 100+ years old, not 60 year olds. 😂😂

Really? They’re married and that means all assets are shared, including the pensions. That’s the legal meaning of a marriage contract. It doesn’t matter who worked or what salary each of them had, or didn’t. It doesn’t matter who contributed to a pension, or didn’t. They both agreed to be married and that means everything is shared. That’s the law. It doesn’t matter what the morals of it are. It would have been sensible to make sure her NI contributions were paid up, but maybe they did this.

Really? They’re married and that means all assets are shared, including the pensions. That’s the legal meaning of a marriage contract. It doesn’t matter who worked or what salary each of them had, or didn’t. It doesn’t matter who contributed to a pension, or didn’t. They both agreed to be married and that means everything is shared. That’s the law. It doesn’t matter what the morals of it are. It would have been sensible to make sure her NI contributions were paid up, but maybe they did this.

Good thing you aren't actually a judge then. The law recognises the contribution of unpaid labour and that while it may be a man funding it, more often than not, it is the woman who is actually doing the keeping.

If he has a hidden stash, now would be a good time to declare it. The courts do not look kindly on those who try to hide their wealth.

One of her kids is 48! She could have worked over 20 years ago? Quite happy to sit at home instead living off his money then with no intention of earning her own.

How old do you think people who were parents of adult children in the 50s and 60s are? That’s the era of my great grandparents… who are all very dead now. You’re talking about people who would be 100+ years old, not 60 year olds. 😂😂

Yes i know. Im pointing out how rediculous it is today to call yourself a housewife (or househusband). Its just unemployed. Everyone saying she contributed to the marriage, sure she did, but to nowhere the same extent as he did.

I doubt op was boiling laundry in the early 2000s when her kids were teens/ adults. Sahp of young kids, or disabled is different.

This is a particularly judgmental thread, even for MN. So traditional housewives/SAHMs are just leeches on their husbands who've done nothing with their lives? Wow.

Of course you can get a job at 60. Not a top flight career of course but enough to get by until retirement age. I want to retire early so have looked at many options that are not
connected to my profession. You can do exam invigilation, self employed cleaner, viewing agent, meet and greet at events, bank TA… and the big one, care work. Many of my parent’s carers fall into the category of late divorced women and one man actually. You don’t have to work full time.

i also don’t get how you can say, well you can take your pension at 55 … well yes, so can I but the impact on what is paid is staggering. Not something I can afford for sure, not before 60, minimum and then assuming some part time work as above.

if anything what I take from this thread is that I am very glad to have an equal partnership. Not just for the money but for the mutual understanding of the other’s position. I think this is better for a relationship.

OP did work...sad that you can't see that

I'm 67 and have only just retired. I can't imagine not being intellectually challenged for 40 years.

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but I find that such an oddly reductive way of thinking. When I left my career to stay at home, in addition to spending time with the family, I got a second MA, became fluent in a language I'd only toyed with previously, wrote two novels and had them published by a traditional publisher, served as a school governor on a very active federation, volunteered, sat as a trustee on a charitable board and chaired a foundation. I was never not intellectually challenged.