AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

Agree. I think a lot of contributors here are much younger than the OP and don’t appreciate how different life was forty years ago. And a lot of men with high flying careers themselves weren’t thrilled about their wives working because the perception was that it reflected badly on them.

Wow! A “a lazy lifestyle” - this thread is an eye opener! She is now providing free childcare for her grandchildren. Being at home 24:7 is anything but lazy by the way. I know my friends love going to work out of the house. They get some freedom, adult interactions and paid!

What a weird post! You seem to think that merely being female and interested in feminine things is sufficient to have a charmed and luxurious life without ever lifting a finger.

I dont understand why this has blown up so much: the question is will I get half the pension, the answer is 50:50 is the starting point but sounds like high stakes here AND sounds like you can afford a solicitor so see one, make an appointment this week. Everyone has different standards of living and we are so often told on here that we are bitter and envious if we criticise someone else's easier life. And yet here we are. OP, yes you should get some of the pension, see a solicitor. Hide this thread.

Whilst it not usual to receive up to 50% of the ExH’s pension upon divorce after 40 years - and especially so if you were a SAHM with no pension of your own - if you are receiving 50% of the house and have a small pension of your own, it should probably be a smaller amount (unless he is getting 50% of your smaller pension too?). 50% less what you have in yours may mean a 40:60 split, which is probably fairer?

Everything should go in a pot, yours and his - savings, shares, the house, cars etc - and the 50% split calculated using everything? It shouldn’t be calculated just using the main/most significant assets, but every single thing - household furniture, cars, bikes, tech, white goods etc as all of these need to be apportioned or replaced when setting up a new home. Ie he can’t cherry pick.

Oh dear OP, I do wonder if you should have seen a solicitor and improved your financial literacy before asking him for a divorce. You don't really seem to understand the difference between the different levels of liquidity of marital assets, and have moved out on the assumption he will fund your lifestyle until you die.

I do appreciate you have enabled his lifestyle for decades, but you seem surprisingly green for somebody in their 60s.

Well I do hope your curiosity has been satisfied. 😉

Yes, just thinking that you haven't been funding full NI credits? Do you know your state pension entitlement?

I haven’t read the full thread but have read enough to get the gist of it all.

There is a lot of individual anecdote on this thread about how they or their parents always worked full time and this has been used to criticise the OP. But the structural differences in the availability and quality of childcare between then and now were huge.

The mass expansion in funded childcare only came about following the New Labour government in 1997. Even then it was only very part-time hours kicking in after age three.

Yes, there were some day nurseries, holiday clubs and some LA funded nurseries around in the early nineties but they weren’t everywhere and quality was very variable. Ofsted didn’t begin inspection of early years and childcare until 2001. Local authorities did some inspection but I don’t think anyone should blame parents for not choosing to use largely unregulated childcare if they had another option (SAHM) available.

It doesn’t matter if you, your own mum or aunt was able to use daycare and have a professional career in the early nineties; that option wasn’t available to all mothers. It really wasn’t an uncommon choice for women to ‘not work’ or to only work very, very part time.

In 1990 only about 60% of women aged 16 to retirement age were working and it’s still only 72% now. See House of Commons report.

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn06838/

Family as a unit!!!! Guess you dont work either

I got that from the post where she said her had planned to retire at..55? I think she said, maybe 50, anyway, she said he kept moving the date.

@BadSkiingMum anecdotes over facts is pretty standard for MNs!

Wrong

He wants to live a life before he dies and you dont,.you sound like a child, as an adult no other person is responsible for you,.and now you want his relatives money also!!! And yes of course they wont leave it to you when you get divorced!! You sound extremley manipulative,.im beginning to assume hes wanted to seperate for years and you havnt let him, i hope he gets to live a happy life pleasing just himself

I know this is the starting point but as this woman has done nothing to earn anything, has been kept, and is still being kept, by her husband the 50% should be able to go down. Hope he has plenty stashed away, his 'running away money' that MN loves to tell women they need.

On the pension aspect, both yours and his will be combined and then halved as a starting point. He’s agreed to this and you haven’t so not sure what to expect on that front. He’s been reasonable and clear in what to expect income wise.

On the inheritance front, if the relatives are still living you can be disinherited. If they’re already dead, it doesn’t change anything and it should proceed as detailed.

I mean, just because he was happy for you not to work that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have worked. It would be different if he prevented you from working. You were happy to coast along doing nothing.

Reason 827291919 that I still 100% believe being a stay at home wife is always a horrendous idea.

If I were you I think long and hard on whether divorce and genuine independence is what you really want, or whether you can both adjust your expectations of what a shared retirement could be like with you boy having your separate interests and just accepting he will do his thing while you do yours? .

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If you do divorce then clearly your standard of living will drop. It sounds like there should be be enough to buy a small flat each in your area and have a reasonable private plus state pension pension income at retirement age. You might be able to negotiate a bigger slice of the realisable assets, possibly keeping the house, in lieu of the splitting of the pension pots given pensions can't be taken straight away.. but then you would be facing an improverished retirement unless you down size at that point. What other savings and investments do you both have? . .

You will need to find a job because there are no meal tickets for life anymore, as clean break is favoured on settlements where possible, and you will have your own set of bills to pay for. Remember than only £12.5 k p.a is tax free when you are single if you are not used to paying income tax, 20% of your income over 12.5 might come as a shock..

There is no such thing as nheritance expectations take account of on divorce unless you or he are beneficiaries under trusts. Past inheritance have probably been comingled with matrimonial assets if not keep separate, and are still treated as a finance resource to which that spouse has in terms of meeting needs.

See a lawyer who will rum you through the likely out ones and settlement amount

OP, he wanted you keeping house and not to work, and by default you couldn't then build up a good pension.

You do need legal advice, but the starting point is generally 50/50 of everything, so you need a valuation of all assets and then you take it from there to argue who gets what.

If she gets a pension lump sum she can start living off it immediately due to her age.

Good thing you aren't actually a judge then. The law recognises the contribution of unpaid labour and that while it may be a man funding it, more often than not, it is the woman who is actually doing the keeping.

If he has a hidden stash, now would be a good time to declare it. The courts do not look kindly on those who try to hide their wealth.

I think it will work out okay for OP given she is 60 and has her own pension. He probably has savings too which she will probably be entitled to half of. If some of his pension is transfered to her she will be able to use that too. Fat chance of getting a job though.

This is a particularly judgmental thread, even for MN. So traditional housewives/SAHMs are just leeches on their husbands who've done nothing with their lives? Wow.

The majority of people have a vision for their retired life as a couple ...have you missed this? Infact OP says they discussed it and agreed

Incorrect.