AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

Well presumably he'll have to sell his business. Maybe he should've been more collaborative in his decision to change his mind about retiring.

Long marriage, presumably a mutual arrangement that you did what would traditionally be “wife work”, and you should be entitled to 50%. The issue and the reason you need advice, is, 50% of what? What are the marital assets and how should they be assessed?

Clearly you need a solicitor as you have had so much conflicting advice, but just to add my experience, both pensions can be valued at the point of retirement rather than current cash value.

That might be true if OP lives somewhere the size of Buckingham Palace. Even a large 4 or 5 bedroom house wouldn't require OP to be working from dusk to dawn, seven days a week. People like OP also tend to employ cleaners.

The money he has paid to go into her private pension , no doubt would have more than covered outsourcing those jobs. Also the op herself said she pottered about, I’m sure if she was run off her feet looking after him and the house she would have said so. If it was the other way round the man would be a called a cock lodger on here,

Don't be ridiculous. The OP hasn't been looking after small children for 30 years. There is very little housework that needs doing for two adults, one of whom is often away.

Because unthread you stated that starting work in your 60s wouldn’t be something anyone expected you to do? Why not? Most adults in the UK will be 67+ before they can draw their state pension. Why are you different? You’ve chosen not to work and now that’s not viable so you need to work. Many of us started out in the workforce with the understanding that as women, we would retire at 60. Most can’t now so we get on with it. Circumstances change. Yours have changed so you need to adapt and get on with it.

The other advantage to renting for now is you can move if you find a job in a different area. It may be hard to find work at 60, but not impossible. Lots of people make total new starts at 60 and with her only having herself to support she wont need a high paying job.

What do you mean more collaborative in his decision about retiring? The OP has been pestering him to retire for several years. She hasn't said anything about him wanting to retire or him agreeing to retire at a certain age. It sounds as if she has done nothing with her life, has no purpose or interests and wants him to take early retirement to entertain her. Clearly he doesn't want to do that.

She’s most likely been the home maker. The cleaner, the cook, the one who carries life admin in the marriage. Some marriages work like this and suit the man very well.

Yes, I’m 62, have always worked full time, as I believe have most of my contemporaries, certainly those of my age in my area of employment ( healthcare).

You are entitled to half of his assets as you supported him so he was able to earn the money through looking after the children and latterly the home.

I do think it would be a good idea to get a job now though.

I can see how someone of OPs age just about caught the end of the period when mothers of small DC really did stay at home much more than now, then as the kids grew up there seemed no point in her getting a job to earn what would've likely been NMW. Obviously there'd have been nothing to prevent OP from seeking work in the 00s, but it's equally obvious why neither partner might think that was a particularly important or desirable thing.

Either way, they are where they are now. And the answer to this question, as so many on here, is go and speak to a family law solicitor about this. All the assets are potentially up for grabs, and the 50/50 starting point doesn't mean everyone gets 50% of everything. Either one of you could choose to take 100% of some stuff and none of others.

Mortgage, borrowing against the business, or cashing in a part of his pension.

If he wants to go travelling he might not be thinking of buying a house and the sale of his business would raise enough to buy a house outright anyway

You both need to sfart by getting a CETV on your pensions. Then you will know how much they are worth.
You are right go ask for 50% of house/pensions. You will need a good solicitor.

Please get some proper legal advice ASAP! The starting point is 50% and that includes pension pots. You would get your own pension pot in your name from his fund which would either stay with the current provider or could be transferred to a new one. It doesn’t matter whether you have worked or not or when.

He is rarely at home, constantly doing adventure stuff or pursuing his hobby. I’ve given up waiting and I want a divorce

I think someone who elected to be economically inactive their entire adult life should think twice about divorcing their meal ticket at 60. It’s not as if there is abuse in the marriage.

Just continue living as flatmates. Plenty of marriages amble on like that after 40 years anyway and in far more straightened circumstances than yours.

Adult offspring are age 38 and 40. Husband often out at work or away. Exactly how much cooking/ housework does she actually need to do? (Not that those are full time jobs anyway, since many of us do them alongside working and bringing up much younger children.)

the OP has been happily drifting along, not having to take any financial responsibility or even think for herself it seems. Time for a reality check. It’ll still be a perfectly comfortable reality, her dh isn’t trying to screw her over, but she will obviously have to move house (as will he) and step up a bit.

it’s not a life I’d want, but it seems the OP has been perfectly happy to ‘potter’ rather than work, or study/train. She says she’s never really worked, so it sounds like this was the case pre- children too. She’s basically relied on a man to provide what she wants in life

I appreciate this thread is a fishing trip (a very successful one!) but it really does highlight how ridiculous our divorce laws are. It's fucking disgraceful that a spouse can do fuck all, particularly when the kids are school age or grown up, and still have a claim on their spouse's pension. We really need to create some better balance. I think it's time to stop all of this 50/50 split bollox which will encourage couples to plan and agree their own financial plans from the offset so that one can't screw over the other if the relationship does break down.

OP ignore all the rude posts and accusations of bring greedy.

Very simply you have a pretty much watertight case for a Pension Sharing Order (PSO) to equalise your incomes in retirement. You need to see a solicitor promptly. They will most likely advise you get a Pensions On Divorce Expert (PODE) report that will tell you what percentage of his pension fund you need to equalise income in retirement (allowing for your own pension too). That share then becomes your own pension pot. If he consults a solicitor he will be told the reality that he can’t resist you getting a PSO.

I would say a marriage like this would suit the woman even better. She does a bit of housework and entertaining in exchange for everything being paid for by someone else and money put into her pension. People suggesting cleaning, cooking and carrying "life admin" (which is a ridiculous phrase) for two people, one who is often not there, is onerous really live in a clueless little bubble.

Why should she?

The meal ticket can be cashed in for a fair amount and she doesn’t have to wait to live her life.

I would say that he thinks he has been ever so smart. Everything of any value is in his name whilst the house (in both their names) which is usually the higher value item is quite modest in comparison

I can see that he thought he would write off £400k to her but keep the millions he has been hoarding in his pension.

I think he has been planning this divorce for years.

He isn't the one who instigated the divorce. One could also suggest that OP has been planning this divorce for years.

Because regardless of what you think, as you're nastily and misogynistically devaluing her contribution in carrying out her half of the agreement between them, the law says she's entitled to 50% of the marital assets. That's why.

You need a solicitor specialising in family law like you need air to breath.

Forget what you read here, 90% of posters on AIBU are going to give you their personal opinion without understanding what you are entitled to in a long marriage (40 years) in a division of assets, including pensions

It's understandable you are a bit overwealmead and want to seek advice on this forum, but the ONLY advice you need to hearand discuss with are from a solicitor.

Do not listen to people saying it would not be fair for you to get half and that you have just been pottering about the house and deserve not much

instead get legal advice, proper legal advice and get what you legally deserve

it is not about what you would like out what MNers think is fair (based on MN contempt for housewives… 🧐 but make sure you do it properly.

Make sure you have some money in your own account to pay solicitor and have access to to if your H starts to not cooperate