AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

No kids so easy to leave, I’d just go. He has no respect for the work you have done to get where you are and the work you are doing now. I wouldn’t mind this set up if I had to do absolutely nothing after my 12 hour shifts, food made, laundry done, house clean etc etc.

Aside from that you just don’t like him, thats reason enough to ditch him. His mum is awful.

My ex DH was very similar, OP, although minus the entitled upbringing. I put myself through law school and became moderately successful while he went from one mediocre job to another, often working freelance or on short term contracts with no security. One memorable time he was sacked when I was 37 weeks pregnant with our second child. When he had money he spent it on himself and refused to participate in any financial planning or budgeting. My salary was what he relied on and whatever he could “borrow” from friends and family. Did he feel emasculated? Yes but he expressed it through resenting me and complaining that I was too demanding and controlling. Don’t do what I did and stay with your freeloader for 20 years while you become corroded with resentment.

What has his mother got to do with it. If you have no kids id leave. Lazy man baby

He will never change. The best thing to do is split before things get complicated. In time you will find someone with similar values. A fellow doctor perhaps.

I’ve got to the point where I look at his family’s lifestyle, his private education, international links… and I just think, lucky, me? Really? You had everything handed to you and you achieved nothing. I don’t expect him to magically end up in a lucrative career, but just some semblance of being an adult would be be nice.
It feels like there’s zero appreciation or respect for what I do for us, the hours I work, the job I do… I’ve told him I can’t live on trust the process and we’ll make it work, but it ends up with him sulking saying he can’t go back to menial jobs as it will “kill him” 🙄 join the club, my job is fucking hard!

Honestly OP, reread the above text. it's time to cut your losses. Value yourself as the amazing catch that you are and start over. He's never going to grow up and be the man you deserve. It will hurt for a while, but you'll get past that and make room for another adult to share your life. Wishing you all the best.

Ugh I would be repulsed by this too. Seriously just get rid of him and whatever you do don’t have a baby’s with this man it will just get far far worse.

Get out while it's still easy to.

Hardly anyone makes money from any form of art - it has to be a hobby that fits around work and life unless you become one of the lucky few to earn a living from it!

Another vote for divorce, now whilst you've only got £16k. Trust me you'll meet someone so much better, maybe a fellow doctor.

Fucking NOPE

From a fellow Dr, please leave him. Find a lawyer this week! Don't delay and carry on struggling for years, reducing your chances of having children with a decent man who is also prepared to work hard and act like a proper adult and partner. Whatever you do, do not have DC with this man. He is lazy, selfish and doesn't appreciate you nor how hard you work. These totally unappealing characteristics would be so much worse if you had DC.

SquirrelsAreGo

Except he's not just trying to put all his effort into his art, he's not being a good partner, mate, or even house share. He is not pulling his weight, and is deeply dismissive and unpleasant.
It feels very odd to describe him as a creative sort,as if that gives you carte blanche to behave badly, and chastise OP for working a 48 hour week which would generally be manageable if she lived alone with a cleaner once a month, and a decent supply of ready meals 3 or 4 times a week.
48 hour plus coming home to carnage and an unpleasant flatmate would be considered untenable in a shared house.

I've read over the op’s posts and aside from the money I honestly don’t see her say anything about carnage? (Although I’ve barely slept so it could honestly be me!) And from the way she talks about him I’d say they’re both matched in how they deal with each other in terms of unpleasantness. And no creativeness doesn’t give you a free hand to anything, but I’m saying if they were matched she wouldn’t be quite so dismissive wondering why he isn’t all about work work work (her listing how his family life should have led him to be a worker and also saying ‘he earns nothing’ as opposed to he tries, he loves it etc). I’m just saying they’re very different and not suited at all

Get away from this dead weight.

Its going to feel amazing to not be responsible for this layabout.

Sounds like he's used to just being handed money and thinks he's entitled to it.

It isnt going to get better. He isnt going to change.
This is your life until you decide it isnt, and you walk away.

He is a whinging millstone around your neck. He brings absolutely nothing to your marriage. He is lazy and entitled and this attitude has obviously been encouraged by his mum.

Despite his family's wealth which enabled him to have the most privileged education in private schools, he has no qualifications and absolutely no work ethic. It must be like living with a selfish teenager who moans that you aren't giving him enough pocket money.

Without any of his advantages, you have managed to qualify as a doctor. You are so much better than him in every way. The time to leave him is now while you are still young and before you have children.

Good Lord. Chuck him back in the bin and cut your losses.

Do not have children with this man, it will end up a whole lot worse.

He won’t change.

You don't like him and you have no kids. Why don't you just fet a divorce @Stressedbadlydressed ?

You are 29 its a 2 yr marriage.
End this now and walk away.

Financially staying in this marriage will cost you dearly. He will essentially be treated as "the wife" in a dovorce and will likely walk away with more than 50% of any assset YOU build.
Additionally, he is prefenting you from having children (if that's what you want) for a range of reasons

i agree with you in thst i do not unferstand how these men arent ashamed.
My friend is killing herself doing a 4hr commute 3 x pw while managing everything at home with a 18m old... her husband? He gave up his 100k pa job because it.didnt fulfil him... now he works as a TA 20 hrs per week and does his hobby 3-4 hrs per day.
Their child is in nursery 7-6...

She is trapped and similar to you he churns her stomach and she doesnt know how he isnt ashamed he wont provide for himself let alone their child. If she left him which they discussed he was adamant he would go for primary custody, a divorce lawger told her there was a reasonable chance he would get it....
Its the stuff of nightmares

Honestly... Get out now.

One of my best friends had a husband who hated his job. He decided unilaterally to become a house husband (she picked up the mental load and still seemed to do most of the house tasks), though he did do the pick up and drop offs. He said he would go back to work when the kids were in high school. He did not and settled into a routine of drop offs, pick ups, lunch time pub and the gym. My friend said this worked for them and she was earning very well as a corporate lawyer. Roll the clock forward fifteen years. He met someone else at the gym. He left with half the house, half her pension and half the savings. Her retirement will be severely compromised and she is now working even harder to try and catch up.

Do not put up with a workload which is so uneven. He needs to work and find work now. He does not get to sit on his arse whilst someone else does everything for him

And you’re still married why?

The issue isn’t the disparity of income. My husband has had periods of unemployment where I have funded us 100%, and I haven’t resented him at all because he’s a good man and has always contributed equally to our relationship in all the ways that matter.

The issue is you find your husband disgusting. He’s not going to get better after you have kids. Just leave already.

He sounds like a spoilt rich kid, and now your blinkers are coming off. His previous promises and plans haven’t materialised, and now you’re seeing through him. Don’t waste anymore time on him. It sounds like you’ve tried , had ‘the chat’ several time, but he’s not willing to change or listen. You’re still young, get out while you can.

(and it’s not the money that’s causing the problem, lots of partners have unequal incomes, but his ‘woe is me’ attitude).

What stage of training are you? £45k for a FT job would put you very early in your career - how did you manager at medical school?

Dump! Yes you'll earn more as you progress, but the stress doubles/ triples. He's taking advantage, stop funding him. Keep your savings and adding to them as you will need them for the future when you need to take time out. (Im a Nurse with almost 23yrs in the nhs) xx sorry to sound negative, you need to take care of yourself xx

Mate! Where’s your self respect?!

I don't think that OP works 48 hours per week through choice. It's just what is expected from junior doctors at the start of their careers. She certainly shouldn't need to come home and have to tidy up his mess and start cooking when he's been sat on his arse for most of the day.

He has obviously had an extremely privileged and pampered upbringing. His own father has now cut him off and he is expecting OP to fund him.

Your 'I can see both sides' and 'they are just not compatible' is just another way of saying that it's OP's fault.

Your husband has never worked properly though, has he, if his Dad funded his life?! This is the fundamental reason why your husband refuses to work more hours or find a job with more hours! He's never had too!! It's not a concept he understands, or is used to doing!!

By the sounds of it, your MIL is more than happy for her son to swan around being creative, whilst you're working 48 hours or more per week. Your husband has been indulged and spoilt, to the point that his expectations of life and you, are wholly unrealistic.

His so called job, is nothing more than a hobby, and he earns 'pin money' from it. He's never got any money, because his job isn't bringing enough in, to sustain him. Instead of recognising that fact, he makes up excuses, gives you a load of flannel about he's trying to find work, and carries on as he is.

Your husband isn't going to change. He will continue to sponge off you, for as long as you allow this situation to continue.

My advice: cut your losses now, especially if you want children. You don't want to saddle yourself with this man, because he'll bleed you dry. He doesn't care you're working long hours, all he's interested in, is his art and being able to do as he wishes. He'll be as flaky as a Dad, as he is a husband!! Are you renting or do you have a mortgage? Seek legal advice and divorce him.