Page 2 | BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me

Hotap · 20/09/2026 21:29

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:29

Thanks everyone 😘I know. It's just that we get on really well and he has become a close friend. It has really hurt me. He was pretending he had low confidence in bed, he is diagnosed with ASD and said it makes him awkward. He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship. But I dont have to be his coach, I was doing that, trying to build his confidence, going along with it, but not anymore. Thank you all

He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship

I wonder if it’s possible he’s asexual or homosexual and he’s never really been attracted to any woman?

I hope your final sentence means you are going to end it with him. It would be humiliating to continue.

Hotap · 20/09/2026 21:24

Ickedout · 20/09/2026 20:16

I bet you look so much better than him.

I had a boyfriend say the same to me. Only I was size 10. He said he didn’t enjoy my body.

Yet anyone could see I was a million times better looking than he was. But that wasn’t the point.

These men are vile. You’re attached to him at present, but it’s gross behaviour from him.

I bet he doesn’t have hoards of women coming after him.

He’ll ruin your confidence and have you second guessing yourself. Literally no man is worth that.

Oh my gosh yes these men are deluded. I remember once I met this guy online, he was so keen to facetime me to make sure I wasn’t catfishing and then wanted to meet me.

He seemingly thought I was good looking facially, but I think he had an issue with my body.

He didn’t say anything directly negative but he just didn’t comment on my body despite his other compliments about how pretty he thought I was.

That same weekend at his he made a comment about his ex with the “perfectly proportioned” hourglass body and then he asked if I’d ever take ozempic . This man was 4 inches shorter than he said which made him my height (5ft 3) and was very rotund with a bigger belly and thighs than mine and man boobs. But yet he had an issue with my body?! I am not a superficial person but I just found his attitude repulsive, so not only did I not sleep with him which drove him mad, I cut him off after that weekend lol

localbutterfly · 20/09/2026 21:12

My interpretation, based on the fact that your appearance has not changed significantly since you met plus the bad sex from the beginning, is that he has not been honest throughout the relationship. I think I'd be pretty angry if someone dated me for 18 months (!!!!!!!!!!!!) without mentioning that there was no physical attraction or that he was struggling being/staying attracted. It sounds like the relationship should always have been a friendship, not a romance.

Add the heavy porn use and what this seems to be doing to your self-esteem and the only advice I have is: end it, don't look back, and don't feel guilty about cutting contact with him if you want (I would). You'll likely feel some anxiety and regret and second thoughts but often that has to do with mourning what you thought the relationship was and hoped it could become, not the reality which sounds like a complete dead end.

Moonlicker · 20/09/2026 21:10

Being single is bliss. Think of that, everything exactly how you want it, & no feckin arsehole telling you they're not attracted to you. Who needs that? Maybe make a list of what's gonna be blissful about being single to counter the sad thoughts, that can't be helped for a while, & treat yourself to something nice. You deserve lots of spoiling from now on, & even if that's just from you, it's still much better than a lame relationship.

onedayillmoveon · 20/09/2026 21:07

Ipsevenenabibas · 20/09/2026 19:18

My only advice is to end it.

This

m00rfarm · 20/09/2026 21:06

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:44

He’s awful for wasting the time of a woman knowing he was never physically attracted to her.

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That was not stated in the OP.

Jamlighter · 20/09/2026 21:05

Friends are supportive not unkind. Get rid he is not a nice man. You deserve so much better

Mmhmmn · 20/09/2026 21:03

Dump, obviously. Goodbye, ex. Onwards and upwards.

YourWildAmberSloth · 20/09/2026 21:00

End it. Crap sex can be worked on, but lack of attraction is a deal breaker, unless you're looking for a roommate.

Shloopie · 20/09/2026 20:59

Time to go your separate ways. It's only 18 months in, the sex between the two of you hasn't ever been great, and now he's told you he's not attracted to you. This isn't going anywhere.

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 20/09/2026 20:56

If he's not attracted to you after only 18 months I don't think that's a good sign. If he's a good friend could you just be friends?

Annoyedbyhusband · 20/09/2026 20:55

You can move the relationship to friendship, it’s ok if that happens. You lost a lover but gained a friend. Sometimes that’s just the way it goes. At least he’s been honest.

Sartre · 20/09/2026 20:52

Yes it’s obviously over. I think it’s ok when you’re in a LTR and their appearance hugely changes e.g huge weight gain but you always looked this way. Makes no sense to start a relationship with zero physical attraction. He’s a prick.

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:49

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 20:03

Before you all suggest moving on, we've been together 45 years. We have a child, and our finances are totally entwined. Even more important, we are best friends. And I love him.

Why do you both work on his orgasm but not on yours?

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/09/2026 20:48

" He uses porn a lot. "
I wouldn't want such a man to be physically attracted to me.

MzHz · 20/09/2026 20:48

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:45

“because it’s convenient” came the answer

Jesus Christ…

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I know. Ouch right?

thank you for your kindness 😊

Gettingbysomehow · 20/09/2026 20:47

Why is he still hanging around then? He sounds like a waste of space.

FieryA · 20/09/2026 20:46

GreenEyesIsBack · 20/09/2026 20:44

No they don't.

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If thinking like that makes you feel better, then go for it.

F63C · 20/09/2026 20:45

Releasemeplease · 20/09/2026 19:27

Why do you want to be in someone who gets his sexual gratification from porn? Men who use porn aren't capable of a proper relationship with a real woman.
There is nothing wrong with you OP. He is the problem. Yet another man who has had his brain addled by porn.

This.

@Wowcocoa25 Do not underestimate how much influence porn is having on this man. It is a pernicious vile factor and an addiction.

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:45

WildLeader · 20/09/2026 19:26

Sweetheart, Yanbu. I’m sorry this absolutely sucks.

i was dating a year with a bloke who when i jokingly asked “remind me why you’re with me?” When id just cooked a fantastic dinner

“because it’s convenient” came the answer

that was it. I knew it then and there. Took me a day or so to process but I ended it. It was amicable. It hurt. But I KNEW I deserved better than this.

you know what you must do, quick clean break up and go on to better.

(14 years on and I’ve just celebrated 10 years with my beloved OH, who I finally married a few months ago. I’m living a life I could never have imagined)

I was 46 when I met him, 3st at least overweight

2 years ago I started MJ and I’m 6stone lighter and fitter and more fabulous than I’ve ever been in my life. This could be you too! You absolutely can do this for yourself. You won’t regret it

but he has to go 😉

“because it’s convenient” came the answer

Jesus Christ…

NormasArse · 20/09/2026 20:45

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:29

Thanks everyone 😘I know. It's just that we get on really well and he has become a close friend. It has really hurt me. He was pretending he had low confidence in bed, he is diagnosed with ASD and said it makes him awkward. He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship. But I dont have to be his coach, I was doing that, trying to build his confidence, going along with it, but not anymore. Thank you all

You can still be good friends.

Do you think he’d be sexually attracted to anyone real? Porn can destroy that.

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:44

m00rfarm · 20/09/2026 19:18

Why does he sound awful? He has been honest. Surely that is better than pretending everything is fine?

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He’s awful for wasting the time of a woman knowing he was never physically attracted to her.

GreenEyesIsBack · 20/09/2026 20:44

FieryA · 20/09/2026 20:43

There's no such absolute rule. Even very nice women can watch porn.

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No they don't.

FieryA · 20/09/2026 20:43

GreenEyesIsBack · 20/09/2026 20:11

Really sweet men don't use porn.

There's no such absolute rule. Even very nice women can watch porn.

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:42

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:16

To be really.hurt that my BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me?

Dating 18 months. Sex has never been good or frequent. I told him I'd started Mounjaro a few weeks ago and he started twlling me Im beautiful all the time (trying to convinve himself?). Im a few years older, early 50s and was this weight when we met (he isnt exactly slim himself) but I gained 2 stone in menopause over the few years before meeting him. I'm really hurt. He uses porn a lot. This is the end isnt it? He's really sweet, and he was kind about it but honest. He has become like a best friend and it had killed any desire to try to initiate or even join in when he sorts himself out. I have stopped him staying overnight.

Any advice really appreciated.

I would not be with a man who got with me despite not being physically attracted to me. Why on earth is he with you? Desperation? Loneliness? Wanting to have free household labour?

Gross and I would be gone.

It would be different if you had spent decades together and he no longer was attracted to you but he met you as you are now! I wish men would learn to be happy single instead of using women as placeholders and as an object to stave off loneliness.