To be annoyed about milestone birthday

The way i 5hink about events is if i dont knows what i want how am I to expect anyone else too?

And if i say i want a surprise i would have to be 100% happy with what they do and np complain even to myself about they should know i dont like Italian (made up i love Italian) food, or like to eat early, or they didnt remember i had a bad experience in that place or any other complaints

So i book my own and if people want to join that is great

I always tell family/DP what I want for my birthday and I arrange my own birthday plans. It avoids disappointment and I get to do what I want. Just book a restaurant and get vouchers/money that you can keep and spend when you want. Ask for some fizz and flowers (if you like that kind of thing). People aren't mind readers and unless you tell them what you want they how are they going to know. 🤷‍♀️

Some people are party planners and some people aren't. You may not have to do the organization bit, just come up with the idea and delegate. Be glad you have people in your life who clearly do want to make your day special, they just don't know how.

Brilliant!

If I were you, I'd start a WhatsApp group with them both titled OP's birthday plans. Explain that you loved organised X for mums birthday and Y for DH's birthday. You too would most like something to be organised for you. And you have put them in touch so they can coordinate what they are planning. Then leave the group.

’very invested’ because I pointed out what you said, ok then! She’s asked her husband to organise something so hopefully he will.

Yes, OK. You’re very invested aren’t you.
To clarify, I am not insulting OP. She would like to celebrate her milestone birthday as is her right but it’s not going to happen unless she organises it herself.
My feeling is that it’s all too much like hard work, trying to organise stuff like that for other people or myself. I feel old and can’t be arsed with it.
I shouldn’t have said anything about being 5 years old, it was flippant.

But your point was you wouldn’t bother with a meal for yourself or anyone else because you aren’t 5? You were insulting OP by insinuating she’s childish

But the whole point of the thread is that OP feels she will have to organise it or give ideas for it herself?
Another chore?

If things are complicated with your mum then don't expect her to suddenly become a super mum. Maybe just accept the money and plan something together with your DH.

I wouldn't plan surprises for others because it's a lot of disappointment if it's not right.

Just tell your DH what you want and start looking forward to it.

What, attending your own birthday meal that someone else has organised? Surely you eat meals and talk to your partner anyway? I can’t see how attending that would be like behaving like a 5 year old or a massive chore.

Great comeback 😂

And you think you are 🤷‍♀️

Depends how much else you constantly have to organise, doesn’t it. Unfortunately I feel like it’s another chore and I’ve got plenty of them already.

It’s all I require and all I expect to have to supply.

I would love to have someone who thought enough of me that they'd want to put in some thought and mental energy into planning something for me, especially without me having to make a list of what to choose.

They're making it sound like you having a birthday is a massive imposition and you're being awkward by not sorting it out for them.

I agree with almost all the comments (though not the vote, oddly).

They want you to have a lovely birthday, and that will be achieved by you saying what you want (as you have now said you have, in your update).

I've had many lovely birthdays over the years, BECAUSE I tend to take the initiative and either organise it myself, or I tell people what it is I want. It makes my birthday far more enjoyable than when dh used to try and 'do something nice' for me, and me ending up disappointed that - although I appreciated the thought and effort - I didn't end up doing something I want.

Same with presents - give me a list every time. I want the recipient to be genuinely pleased with what they receive, not sitting there politely smiling and saying "thank you very much", when inwardly thinking 'I wish they hadn't wasted their money on this'.

You can't be arsed with your birthday but still want a card and present/money?

Why? You're not five.

‘a nice meal with family and friends’ is a direct instruction. Just tell your mum that your DH is arranging it.

Just help them out with a list of ideas, then leave them to plan away.

• dinner at x with xyz
• theatre - preferred show
• weekend in X
• casino night
• spa day
• fly a plane / helicopter

presents

• watch by X
• earrings from X
• coat from X
• handbag from X
• open water diving course somewhere hot
• photo book of your life 😬

etc..

They just want ideas to give you something you’d like, to remember your milestone birthday. Help them out, doesn’t mean you have to organise anything.

Can you not directly tell him you want him to take the initiative? Or you’re risking being disappointed.

Have you told your mother you want a thoughtful surprise?

what do they say when you answer them honestly?
"I want a suprise, something I haven't had to planyself like I did for you pair, and a gift you picked out because you knew I'd love it".