To be annoyed about milestone birthday

could you say you want a big surprise? it maybe they don't want to organise something to later find out you wanted something else

It's lovely that you did that for your mum, but in my experience people do generally plan their own milestone birthdays, or at least come up with the idea, because they have preferences. If you want them to surprise you with something I think you have to make that clear, but there's certainly a risk it might not be what you like!

I honestly can’t be arsed with my birthday or anyone else’s much.
We’re not 5 years old. A card and a present/money is fine for me 🤷‍♀️

Tell them both what you'd like for your birthday. Tell them you're looking forward to a lovely meal out/weekend away which you are hoping they will arrange.
If they don't sort something, then book something yourself to go with a friend.

’I would love it if you could organise something for us to do on the evening of/the night of my birthday, and the most important thing to me is that the gift is thoughtful’.

Just accept the money then.

You’re so cool

I think this is a good answer.

I think that's a reasonable question for a big birthday. Echoing others, I'd like to do something nice just us, a bigger occasion (if your choosing) with my wider family and friends. A really chilled day for it etc

Well it takes the pressure off me and everyone else 🤷‍♀️

Just say you’d like them to plan a surprise, hardly a massive task on your to do list is it? Or if you aren’t bothered anyway just do nothing, it might be boring but it'll satisfy your inner martyr at least.

Going for a meal on someone’s birthday is hardly high pressure is it?

There are doers and none doers

you have done in the past and it’s gone well so they like you to do the doing

i am a doer and I quite understand how depressing it gets when no one else does yet they are so happy to participate

I know everyone’s different but surely there’s more pleasure in giving? It’s my partner’s milestone birthday next month and I cannot wait to give him his presents.

They want you to have the celebration that you want and the gifts that you want. Can't you give them a clue? Suggest things that you would like to do, meal out, theatre, day trip, weekend in Paris, whatever. Gift wise if there are things you'd like make list. If you don't want/need anything make the birthday treat the gift.

The last thing you want is for everyone to be miserable. If you genuinely want surprises and won't be disappointed, they tell them that.

My last big birthday I said no presents but booked a trip to one of the places on my bucket list.

what do they say when you answer them honestly?
"I want a suprise, something I haven't had to planyself like I did for you pair, and a gift you picked out because you knew I'd love it".

Can you not directly tell him you want him to take the initiative? Or you’re risking being disappointed.

Have you told your mother you want a thoughtful surprise?

Just help them out with a list of ideas, then leave them to plan away.

• dinner at x with xyz
• theatre - preferred show
• weekend in X
• casino night
• spa day
• fly a plane / helicopter

presents

• watch by X
• earrings from X
• coat from X
• handbag from X
• open water diving course somewhere hot
• photo book of your life 😬

etc..

They just want ideas to give you something you’d like, to remember your milestone birthday. Help them out, doesn’t mean you have to organise anything.

‘a nice meal with family and friends’ is a direct instruction. Just tell your mum that your DH is arranging it.

You can't be arsed with your birthday but still want a card and present/money?

Why? You're not five.

I agree with almost all the comments (though not the vote, oddly).

They want you to have a lovely birthday, and that will be achieved by you saying what you want (as you have now said you have, in your update).

I've had many lovely birthdays over the years, BECAUSE I tend to take the initiative and either organise it myself, or I tell people what it is I want. It makes my birthday far more enjoyable than when dh used to try and 'do something nice' for me, and me ending up disappointed that - although I appreciated the thought and effort - I didn't end up doing something I want.

Same with presents - give me a list every time. I want the recipient to be genuinely pleased with what they receive, not sitting there politely smiling and saying "thank you very much", when inwardly thinking 'I wish they hadn't wasted their money on this'.

I would love to have someone who thought enough of me that they'd want to put in some thought and mental energy into planning something for me, especially without me having to make a list of what to choose.

They're making it sound like you having a birthday is a massive imposition and you're being awkward by not sorting it out for them.

It’s all I require and all I expect to have to supply.