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Original poster

Another wills one…

60 replies

Dontasksillyquestions · 20/09/2026 14:32

Had a slightly awkward discussion with DH about wills last night, inspired by numerous threads I’ve read on MN over time

I said I’d like to leave my half of the house to the DC. My reasoning being that, obviously, I hope DH lives a very long and happy life, but hypothetically he could remarry one day and potentially have more children. I’d like my DC to benefit from my assets, regardless of what happens in the future.

DH got quite upset and said it made him feel like I didn’t trust him to do the right thing by our DC. But I do trust him. I just don’t necessarily trust the hypothetical stranger who could one day become my children’s stepmum 😂

It’s not about thinking DH would deliberately do anything wrong, it’s more that circumstances, relationships and priorities can change, and I’d want to make sure my DC were protected regardless. Also, men are statistically more likely to remarry after losing their spouse.

AIBU to think this way, or is this just sensible will planning rather than a massive vote of no confidence in DH? 😂

OP posts:
Doubleknow · 22/09/2026 10:23

I think this is really difficult, especially if you're talking about the possibility of you dying young.

My DH died when we'd been married 29 years, and children were in their late teens. He left everything to me, with I'm sure the expectations
that I'll pass it onto DC, but he could have left his half to DC directly, with presumably the right for me to stay in the house.

In that case I could have maybe 30, 40 (?) years of living in a house half owned by my DC. Is that arrangement good for anyone? I feel it's not my house, DC can't get hold of their money. Obviously that's no different if the wills just say they have to wait for me to die, but I imagine it would feel different.

As it stands, I have put the life insurance money I received by for DC and they will have that when they want to buy a house, but in terms of the joint assets I built with DH, afaic, they are mine. I don't see a share as belonging to DH and therefore to be dealt with in line with his wishes. Life goes on and I have to be able to live it and I'll use the money built up during my marriage to do that.

I have no plans to remarry and yes, a large part of that is to protect "my" assets for DC, but life does move on. If I did build a life with another man, it's possible I could be with him just as long, or longer than I was with DH. If we've pooled our assets in life, why wouldn't I provide for him in my will? Not to the excluding of DC, but it would be right to leave him something.

I understand your concerns but if you leave half your house to DC, I think you're asking DH to live the rest of his life with one hand tied behind his back.

blueflowersareace · 22/09/2026 10:36

@graygoosethank you that makes sense x

Timeforachange26 · 22/09/2026 12:29

dick27 · 22/09/2026 08:49

I did, some years after. No will online.

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Oh must have changed befote my dad died in 2019

Doubleknow · 22/09/2026 12:37

Timeforachange26 · 22/09/2026 12:29

Oh must have changed befote my dad died in 2019

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It depends on the size of the estate. The distribution of the estate will only be on line if probate was granted. For a married man (person) with a surviving spouse, estates can be surprisingly small.

DH was very comfortably off but his 'estate' was tiny. Joint accounts don't form part of the probate, neither do pensions or properties owned jointly.

Timeforachange26 · 22/09/2026 12:39

Doubleknow · 22/09/2026 12:37

It depends on the size of the estate. The distribution of the estate will only be on line if probate was granted. For a married man (person) with a surviving spouse, estates can be surprisingly small.

DH was very comfortably off but his 'estate' was tiny. Joint accounts don't form part of the probate, neither do pensions or properties owned jointly.

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Well my dad was exactly that. The house went straight to my stepmum as it was in joint tenants. Rest of the" assets" were under15k

Doubleknow · 22/09/2026 12:42

Timeforachange26 · 22/09/2026 12:39

Well my dad was exactly that. The house went straight to my stepmum as it was in joint tenants. Rest of the" assets" were under15k

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I still got probate for DH because one small investment insisted, and you can still do iteven when it's not technically required, if you want to, but small estates don't always need it, which is why some wills are not available (and of course some people don't have a will).

Timeforachange26 · 22/09/2026 12:49

Doubleknow · 22/09/2026 12:42

I still got probate for DH because one small investment insisted, and you can still do iteven when it's not technically required, if you want to, but small estates don't always need it, which is why some wills are not available (and of course some people don't have a will).

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Fair enough. I was replying to what you said about it depending on size of estate

jjx111 · 22/09/2026 14:39

My Aunt and Uncle had mirror wills (no kids). She wasnt even buried before he changed his will to leave it all to his side of the family, rather than the 50:50 split they had both agreed to.

thefallenangelina · 22/09/2026 19:24

mynextchapter · 20/09/2026 17:24

Are you aware you may have to pay inheritance tax on assets not passing to your husband (above the nil rate band / Residence nil rate band)

This is something to bear in mind. I took advice on precisely this problem and this is where I got stuck.

dreamingofgoodhair · 22/09/2026 19:33

pkt3chgirl · 20/09/2026 17:38

My aunts best friend had cancer. Knowing she was terminal, she introduced her DH to a woman she fully expected him to marry post her death and look after her children. She had 3 houses that she had worked herself to the bone to provide an income for each of her two children and the third for her husband.

They married soon after her death and her childern have inherited nothing because the father left everything to the new wife.

This is the scenario you are trying to prevent and this is what you should both discuss.

DH and I have mirror wills that everything goes to the other person and then onto the children. I forced the conversation because my DF left no will and it was an unholy mess to result in paperwork.

What you cannot do as my aunts friend husband clearly did is prevent the changing of the will post the other ones passing.

But the one left could change their will ? Eg if you died first and left your half of the house to your husband on the understanding he’d leave it all to your kids , he could change his will after you’ve gone ?

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