Passive aggressive neighbour?

Why can't you wear headphones?
All neighbours can hear each other so there has to be alot of thought about how much noise you make.
Yes, you are entitled to make a noise in your own home, but just as equally your neighbour is entitled to peace & quiet in hers.

You've reminded me of a really good film about a woman with a noisy drunken neighbour - Restless (2024). You really feel for her, so when she takes matters into her own hands you can kind of sympathise. I don't suggest that you do the same tho 😅

I used to have a noisy drunken neighbour living in a flat above me, he didn't work either. He was an absolute shit when drunk; loud music, fighting other drunks & ranting/swearing. On the very rare occasion that he was sober he was very contrite and apologetic. He once explained to me that he used to have a job, home and wife, but after their 4 year old died in an accident that was he blamed himeself for he completely blew his life up. He hated himself and couldn't stop destroying his life (and ruining it for everyone around him, too). He got an injury to his leg after getting beaten up for the 100th time, didn't get it seen to in the hospital and let it fester. The day i brought my baby home from the hospital i heard a commotion in his flat. It turned out he'd had a massive heart attack due to a blood clot travelling from his leg to his lung and died thrashing around on his floor. Frankly i was relieved i could bring my baby up in peace, and he seemed to get the violent ending that he wanted, hopefully he's got some peace, too.

Sorry, that was a bit morbid.

If she’s moving I wouldn’t bother with chocolates etc - what’s done is done.

I can’t lie though, I’d hate my neighbours too if I could hear their music til 11:30pm. There’s no reason to have it that loud for that long.

Hopefully you now have the clarity you sought. I would still apologise if possible, in the knowledge you have possibly driven her from her home. Poor woman and good for her with her “passive aggression”. I’ve lived next to noisy neighbours and it can destroy your mental health. We too ended up leaving. Maybe now self awareness will kick in and you’ll be less selfish with the next neighbours.

Christ, I live next door to a hideously noisy person. They were singing along past midnight on Friday night, I put the radio on against the shared wall to block them out and it was on until 1am. Then they had the audacity to bang on the wall over the noise I was making - sound familiar OP? You are moaning too about getting a taste of your own medicine.

It makes me calmer, not hearing them over my radio, I can feel myself unwind. But mine is on top of noise throughout the day, kid running, all footsteps sound like bangs and when the kid is on the scooter, it sounds like I live next to a runway. Sometimes at 5am when come in drunk when she's palmed the kid off to someone else which she likes to do, sound familiar OP?!

I can't tell you how much a neighbour can destroy your home. Talking to them does fuck all - I tried. Every Saturday? Yeah, I wouldn't want to live next to you either. The manure - ha. Perhaps if you were more considerate, she may be going forward. Terraced houses are totally reliant on good neighbours, be a good neighbour.

So, you can reset this behaviour with your new NDN. Keep your noise down, especially after 10pm and be more considerate and aware of the effect you might have on others.
Perhaps when you first meet them suggest that if there's anything bothering them just to knock on the door i.e. let them know you're an approachable person who will listen to justifiable complaints. However, karma says your next NDN is going to be a nightmare!

You are antisocial. Turn your music right down. I live in a terraced house and we don’t hear our neighbours either side.

7 times in a month, blasting load music out until 11:30?!

Was that just weekends or weekdays too?

That is absolute torture to some people. In what world do you think that is ok?

I do agree, she should have asked you first. But what would you gave said had she asked you to play it a LOT softer and kill it after 10PM weeknights and 10:30PM weekends?

You sound like the neighbour from hell and appear to have driven her out of her own home.

You should be ashamed of yourself. I pity the poor bugger who moves in next. You might find they are less passive in response to your behaviour but no doubt you’ll frame that as you being the victim.

So why did you do it if you have thick walls???

We have an extremely noisy neighbour. She doesn't work and gets drunk every night. She gets up at about 2pm and you know when she's awake as all the music starts up. She has those subwoofer speakers or whatever they're called. Colleagues on team calls (I WFH) regularly ask what's going on when we're on a call and my neighbour starts up.

We've put up with this for 5 years NOW. 5 years of her noise, and as she gets more drunk she sings along really loudly.

Her dog is also yappy and aggressive as she's never walked it.

We don't play music, ourselves. Only when I'm running with my earbuds in, and my partner when he drives to/from work. BUT the ONE TIME my partner had his car stereo on slightly louder when he got home, she stuck her head out of the window and screamed at him. He yelled back "this, coming from YOU?"

We are terraced and unfortunately her neighbours on her other side left with the house currently unsold so she's got even worse.

We've spoken to her really nicely many times and she tells us to fuck off. She has my partner's number and regularly texts him abuse.

She knows she's an alcoholic and in the very few times she's sober, she's actually nice, but this might be one hour a month or something.

It's got bad now that none of us talk to each other and it she can see I'm talking my bin in, she'll wait til I'm back in the house to do hers.

It's such a nice estate, so it's so unlucky we've ended up next to her.

No real advice but lots of solidarity!

Of course she hates you! I’d hate my neighbour too if they were blaring loud music through the paper thin walls for hours on end in the evenings!

She's doing to you what you've done to her for months/years. Not everyone is comfortable to confront someone about annoying behaviours. I'd be at the end of my tether if my neighbours did that every weekend, it's annoying but tolerable when it's occasionally (especially if you've got kids that are woken up by it) but every weekend that'd be too much. Yabu op just keep your music at a reasonable volume and off or very low by a reasonable time.

Sounds like the consequences of you own selfish and inconsiderate actions.

You come across as the Ahole, get a set of over the ear super duper headphones and dance away in your own silent disco dear. Neighbour is right.

You know the walls are thin and yet you choose to act in a really antisocial manner, repeatedly. Also, horse manure really doesn't smell much at all, especially if rotted down for the garden. The world does not resolve around you and your whims.

She is passive aggressive but I also think you were inconsiderate to play music loudly knowing the walls are thin.
could you knock on her door and try to chat to her about it, say you have gotten the strong impression something has annoyed her and you’d like to clear the air as you are going to be living beside each other for a long time. You don’t need to be best friends or living in each other’s pockets, just to have a cordial relationship is enough

This reminds me of when I was a young single mum with my first child as a toddler.
We were just going through the process of his autism assessments as he was non verbal and showed no interest in any of his toys. It was a heartbreaking time as I was in denial.
There was an elderly lady joined on to us. I had tried explaining to her about my son's developmental delay but she didn't understand. She would say to him, "Why aren't you talking? Have you lost your tongue?".
My son was only two at the time. He would sometimes tap on the wall with one of his toys. I always rushed to stop him as quickly as I could but couldn't always get to him in time.
The old lady assumed he was doing it on purpose (despite me explaining and apologizing) and would bang back at him aggressively with her walking stick.
She would stare in our window with a look that could kill.
I was glad when we found somewhere else to live.

Sorry OP, but if you’ve played loud music until 11pm 7 times in a month in a terrace house with thin walls then of course you've pissed her off.

Didn’t it occur to you that this would annoy them?

Is the manure on her property or yours?

Loud bad music after 11pm is out of order. Grow up.

The more you write, the more I can understand why your neighbour doesn't like you. You sound incredibly selfish, and awful to live next door to, and I suspect it's not just the music that has made her dislike you. If you're as oblivious to the impact that your actions have on others as you appear to be, then I'm pretty sure there are other antisocial things you've done too that have upset her.

In an age where multiple types of headphones are available you are being massively unreasonable. There is no need for her to hear your music for hours every weekend. I had neighbours like this and it ruins your life. Stop being selfish.

What was the music and do you always play the same thing?

Why don’t you just wear headphones?! You sound like a nightmare neighbour.