5 year old left alone for half an hour in changing room

Astounded that he thinks it's OK for the 5 year old to be out of his sight for half an hour in a public place (especially one with additional risks such as swimming pool etc). Horrendous. The one positive is that he appears to be so stupid that he has freely admitted this over text, and thus given you concrete evidence.

I assume given the non.mol. he physically abused you? So your ideal would be that he does not have unsupervised access? I actually think he is playing into your hands by openly admitting neglectful behaviour.

You are right to seek advice from SS. I would seek legal advice too if you can.

It's very sad. I am usually 100% behind kids having a relationship with both parents, including parents who are less than perfect. But a violent abuser who endangers his kids and appears proud of it? Sadly, doesn't sound like he will ever be an appropriate person to be in their lives.

This is all very odd. I used to work in a leisure centre. The staff should be checking the changing room regularly and should not be allowing a small child alone in the changing rooms. This is obviously a massive risk.

Are you saying both kids are in the same swimming lesson and the parent gets in the pool? This would be unusual because that normally only happens with under 3s. Or is not an actual swimming lesson but some kind of fun class in the pool? It the latter, I am quite surprised one adult would be allowed to supervise both - it would not be allowed in the places I worked but I appreciate it might be in some other places.

leaving a small child under your supervision to run around alone near a swimming pool is obviously a very stupid thing to do .

As someone who works in child safeguarding I consider this a safeguarding issue. Child could easily have been abducted, wandered off or hurt in that time. I would absolutely get back to the social worker to raise this. Keep your account factual and emotion free otherwise it may be somewhat discounted as just disgruntled ex nonsense. It sounds like he cannot handle two children safely in this scenario and so shouldn’t have them both there.

(And the commenter saying the child should just do as they are told presumably either has a unicorn child who never misbehaves , has never had children or is 70years old and has forgotten what 5 year olds can be like!! It is the parents responsibility to manage their child/ren. All kids will push boundaries, parenting is what we do when this happens.)

But it seems that the children were meant to be in the pool without an adult. The father only got in too because the children were/had previously struggled on their own. 3 years old is quite young, I think, to be in the pool without a parent but then father could easily take both children or even have one sitting with him, not taking part. He obviously made the wrong decision to get in with younger child and leave older unattended.

They weren’t in the pool without their adult, what are you talking about?

He obv can’t cope with 2 in a pool.
equally I would expect a 5yr to do as told and listen to dad and ex should have been stricter

this is not the child’s fault and you’re a fool for suggesting so.

I know maybe for multiple reasons it might not be possible but couldn’t your ex just take the three year old swimming and you keep the 5 year old or have them at a time when nobody has a swimming lesson?

He obviously acted inappropriately and should never let the 5 year old out of his sight but it would be a very stressful situation for any parent to take two young kids to a pool where only one is participating in a lesson and the other one is being awkward etc.

Does not excuse his behaviour but maybe just take the extra stressful situations away so he can’t cock them up?

Why is he trying to take both if them to swimming lessons on his own?

When I took mine the other one would stay at home with Dad. I don't think it's practical for one parent to try and take 2 children to different swimming classes. Not until they are both old enough to go in on their own so he can watch the other one.

Five year olds are unpredictable and impulsive with poor judgement and decision making skills, even the best behaved ones. They are vulnerable on account of their age which is why parents don't (or shouldn't) give them instructions in their absence and expect them to follow them as a means to stay safe. My almost 5 year old is obedient and well behaved and I still would not leave her unsupervised.

Im a social worker. You need to tell them all about this, don't even bother talking to dad. Its good in a way that dad thinks this is fine and dandy because the SW will question him and if he says that to them, they will take the action you need to keep them safe. It will be out of your hands - which is far better for you and for them.

If he huffs and puffs at you about it, just ignore him and forward the messages to the SW. Let them deal with him. Bloody idiot he is.

The rules here are that each very young child needs an adult per child with them.

One adult managing two kids of those ages was always going to be difficult.

This all sounds very odd. I don’t know of any swimming lessons where a 3 year old would be in the pool without their adult, and even more odd, where an older sibling of the child taking the lesson is also in the pool! Who booked the lessons?

Really not the point.

He should’ve told 5yo to gone in, obviously not fair to leave if 3yo wanted to go in. Hard situation. Or sternly told him to sit or stand on side and told him off if he moved.
Why don’t you sign them both up to normal swimming lessons, where they both go in without a parent?
In future whichever parent is taking them sits on the side, with the 5yo if he won’t go in.

I can understand a class like that. The teacher is fully aware that all the children are under their supervision.

However if a parent has two children in the pool it means the teacher is not necessarily keeping an eye on both or indeed either of the children and could assume that the parent is fully aware of both of them, while the parent could also assume that the teacher has a watching brief on both children.

Of course it was your fault. Because your a woman it's always your fault and never a man's 🙄

With our swimming lessons no adult is in the pool, eg just with swimming teacher.

nah that is a safe guarding issue, your child could have been sexually assaulted or abducted. i would seriously make a note of this, if you have a court order or contact case worker contact them and i would not let ex have the two children together if they are incapable of safely looking after both