Can't be bothered sharing a bed at hen do

Don’t go. Hen dos are shit. I always just declined them.

It's absolutely fine not to go to the hen do but go to the wedding, just make up an excuse for the hen do.

I also don't want to share rooms these days even with good friends, I want to be able to snort/fart/snore freely!

I go away fairly often with 2 friends to spas. Thankfully rooms are usually for 2 people so I offer to pay extra for the room on my own and we're all happy.

You are allowed to go to the wedding and not the hen you know! Given what you've said, I'd do that. Otherwise, is there anyone you are closer to that might also stay in a hotel with you? Even if not in the same room, just so you aren't the only one?

At least you know now you'd be sharing a bed. Years ago I went to a hens and it wasn't till we stumbled into the hotel room late that I realised they'd overbooked and expected 3 of us to share each double bed! I slept on the floor and it was awful!

Why are you even considering going to the wedding, do you really enjoy wedding cake or something.

remember the MumsNet expression ' It's an invitation not a summons '

Personally I can't understand why you are still in touch with these school friends - ' I see now once or twice a year, they've made no effort to travel to me, ever and we barely speak. '

How many years is it since you left school ?

I wouldn’t go to the hen do , just see them at the wedding and be friendly .
I was invited to a do at the last minute, didn’t think anything of it , paid my share then found out the next day that I’d been invited to make the numbers up cos so many had dropped out and the “birthday girl “ would have had to cover the cost of the air b&b . I wasn’t wanted in particular just to cut the cost for the others . I’ve not been in touch with any of them since and they’ve never contacted me either so no loss .
must admit it still rankles though .

Just don’t go!

This is perfect ⬆️
Friendly and easy so no hard feelings at the wedding itself

if you don’t want to decline then maybe tell them you are a terrible snorer and are too embarrassed to share a room so you will stay at a travelodge.

I would decline though.

I think I've just been invited as I'm 'part of the furniture' rather than anyone actively wanting me there.

If this is how you feel why are you even bothering to go?

I was thinking the exact same thing! Obviously we don’t have information about this, but presumably if they’re going for an air bnb vibe, a lot of the activities will be in the air bnb? Whenever I’ve done this sort of hen do before there’s been a jacuzzi, games room, meals etc all at the house. It might be a bit odd that you’re not paying a penny towards the house but spending the day/evening there, using the facilities.

If I was you I probably just wouldn’t bother going!

It's an invitation, not a summons. You're an adult, so do what suits you best.

I am not sharing a bed with anyone. Unless it's someone I have sex with, obviously.

I would tell them that: happy to book a hotel, or to get my own bed.

I am already not keen on sharing a bedroom!
If anyone is miffed about bed sharing it's not my problem, and I do love my friends hen dos!

Simply invent a clashing event you can't miss, and say you're so sorry but you can't make the hen do.

OP it doesn't sound like you actually want to go to the hen do so why not make an excuse or say you can't go?

If you want to stay in a hotel that's also ok. Why do you care what they think? Just own it. I wouldn't share a room with people I'm not close with either.

I wouldn't go at all in your shoes. Weekends are precious, sounds like you wouldn't be comfortable or feel particularly wanted.

I get why you are going. I have a similar group myself and feel left out a lot and part of the furniture but it’s a big step to just cut all contact from people you’ve known so long. I’d probably suffer the bed share tbh if you rent somewhere else the hen do will be awkward with you feeling even more on the outside. Good luck!

It sounds ghastly. Decline because of a prior holiday/business trip/family event, whatever. You can still go to the wedding. I hear more and more complaints about ludicrously demanding hen parties. First world problems.

It’s fine to rent your own room, but if all the hen activities are using the houses dining table and garden etc you’ll seem a bit tight mooching off the others

Why don’t people on here just tell the truth
Tell the bride, it’s not your thing and you don’t really know the people that are which is fair enough

And don’t go

I wouldn’t go to the hen do or the wedding - from what you’ve said already I can’t understand why you’re even thinking of going!

I Wouldn’t mind if it was with someone I’m close too. I remember sharing a bed on my hen with my best friend and we were crying laughing at nonsense after a few wines late into the night. Still makes me smile now. We’ve often shared so it would be no big deal. There’s three of us sharing one room on our girls trip next year to keep costs down so two of us will be in the same bed. The main issue with what your describing is sharing with people your not close too which would be a firm no for me. I would be really uncomfortable and would say so.

Yanbu. I would only share a room with my kids. Never with a friend.

"Oh I'm so sorry I'm already going away that weekend. Have a lovely time! Looking forward to seeing you all at the wedding!!"

I know people will say just don’t go, but I’m also invited to the wedding and I feel like it’d be rude

It wouldn’t. People won’t give it a second thought if you say you aren’t able to attend.

Dont go.

I refuse to go anywhere unless I have my own bedroom & bathroom.
Ive done the broke, sharing thing when I was young & broke. I have a good income & can afford to raise my standards now.