AIBU for calling out date on his CMS remarks?

I'd love to say it beggars belief but it doesn't really does it.

I love, absolutely love spending time with my children. They're grown now so all much easier but even when they were in peak little shit mode, didn't consider them not my responsibility.

This. That’s a red flag right there.

I walked out of a first date mid drink once, after he started bleating about how he had been forced to pay CMS for the 13 year old he had that he had never bothered to see. He thought that ‘but I haven’t even met him’ (his own decision) was justification for not having to pay. Like he could just delete the fact that he had fathered a child.

Hope he didn’t get hurt patting himself too hard on the back for that 🙄 I’ve seen a very similar video, and of course the comments were full of the same breed of scum brown-nosing him.
“Yes big man”. “Top lad”. “Respect 💯 real for this”
🤮

Well done OP.

Saw a vid on social media of a dad waxing lyrical about how men need to step up for their kids and he was leading by example.

His example was: he was due to have his daughter sat morn to sun eve and his ex asked if she could drop her off fri eve. His big gesture was that he said yes and this time wasn't going to ask for fewer nights on the next visit or a % of CMS back. He said he always used to but now he was showing up for the kid when her mum 'palmed her off'😠

The way he was saying it he clearly though he was hero at spending more time with his daughter than he absolutely HAD to. Imagine when that girl finds out that seeing her for few extra hours is a huge sacrifice for him and it's such a heroic thing to do because he isn't even getting financial compensation.

So many of the comments were agreeing what a great bloke he was for 'stepping up' when the mum let the kid down (terrible mum only having her 28 days out of 31 per month!).

Absolutely appalling they don't want to see them OR pay for them.

Yanbu to of spoken up when he was talking about it on your date. You would be unreasonable to message him when you’ve not heard anything from him just so you can call him out again. It’s none of your business

Chuck that one straight back lovely and stick with your excellent principles

Well done for standing up for resident parents!

Oh goodness I didn’t see that. I’m glad you have ditched him op, but next time - the clues were there that he’s an entitled misogynist- the age gap, the EOW.

He sounds so so awful, but such is the world we live in, he will be oblivious to how thoroughly awful he is as there are so so many blokes who behave like this. It hasn’t occurred to him that if he doesn’t want to get anyone pregnant, he could be the one to inconvenience himself. Grim ingrained constant misogyny.

Had been seeing this guy for a short while. On one date I asked if we should get ready to leave because he needed to collect his DC. He looked at his watch and said no, my CMS is based on 6hrs a week so I don't need to arrive any earlier. I assumed that maybe mum/child had commitments or possibly mum wanted to keep strict to times but he said nope. He isn't having her more unless his maintenance reduces the same. I didn't say anything because I was stunned into silence (which is bloody rare for me) but I think I felt my vagina zip up and put up a sign saying 'newly vacant, suitable applicants please apply'. Needless to say I didn't see him again.

Yes, you're right to not see that guy again.

I don't understand why you say you wouldn't have claimed CM from your ex, though - he's a GP - he above most should know how to avoid pregnancy! Are you sure he hasn't returned here?

That does not sound like a fun date OP. Nobody wants to hear about a random ex ad infinitum on a date when you're supposed to be the focus. Disrespectful and unromantic. I think you did the right thing. He'll be on about it again with some other poor sod.

Well done OP.
If my teenagers cost only £300 per month each, I would actually have quite a lot of disposable income. I’m not sure that £300 per month actually FEEDS a teenage boy for the month does it?

YABU because of the age gap 🤢

@Camcam 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Good for you OP, the more EVERYONE makes it clear to these men their behaviour isn't good enough the better. The ones who grudgingly pay the miserable amount CMS requires and which in no way covers the costs of having a child seem to think they deserve some sort of dad of the year award and the ones who don't have no shame in admitting it.

The thing I used to love most about watching Judge Judy years ago was how she would ask men if they paid their child support even if completely unrelated to the case in court and immediately rule against the ones who said they didn't on the grounds they were unreliable deadbeats who couldn't be trusted.

I'm ashamed to admit husband was like this and I was young and stupid and didn't see it as a red flag.

No wonder he’s single! My friends’ ex partner not only refused to even meet their dd when she was born (he panicked at about 12 weeks pregnant, packed his shit and moved out), but quit his job just to avoid having to pay more than £15 a week or whatever the minimum is. He was a civil engineer earning a decent salary, but literally would rather be on JSA or whatever he was on than pay CMS. His dd is 15 now, still never met her, though he did meet a new partner and go on to have 3 more children and his partner insisted that he went back to work. 🙄 So now he does pay his CMS accordingly. How these men continue to find partners and reproduce, I don’t know.

What a dick. YANBU.

I think it’s great that you won’t be seeing him again. A very sensible decision. I suspect that, in his mind, he’s already categorised you as one of ‘those women’ who seek out poor, unsuspecting men like him, to trick them into having a child so they can use the pittance he pays them each month to get their nails done.

I might be inclined to send him a text, saying that you found his lack of care for his child as pretty abhorrent, that you don’t think he’s a good dad and he’s just not good enough, so you have no interest in having any further contact. Then block him quickly before he can reply with an outraged response about how you only had a child so their dad could pay for you to get your hair done 🙄