AIBU for calling out date on his CMS remarks?

Yep and scratch cards

Nothing is a bigger ick than a man not prepared to pay, prioritise and care for his children, or a man who tells everyone how awful his ex is. Glad you've dodged a bullet and he has shown you what a tit he is immediately!

Good for you! This conversation has told you everything you need to know about him. He’s as thick as a plank if he thinks £300 is half the monthly cost of bringing up a child, and he is unforgivably venal.

Well done OP!

As soon as women dare to divorce them for their bad behaviour they use child maintenance as a stick to further beat them with.

My exh stole my salary to buy crack so there was no money left for the mortgage and bills and food and I had drug dealers banging on the door looking for money. I sold the house, paid off what debts I could that he had built up out of the proceeds and escaped back to my home town 150 miles away with the kids.

He pissed off to the USA to avoid CM & when he and his new Norwegian GF were deported back to the UK they moved to Scotland thinking they could still escape CM. Obvs they couldn’t so he was made to pay the legal minimum. Cue abusive emails and texts from him and his GF for years that I “breed with men just to get money from them.” Apparently I had “stolen” the proceeds of the house, conveniently forgetting it paid his debts he had put in joint names and he had stolen my salary to buy crack.

A man asking your body count is pretty much immediately a red flag. You can ditch him from
there.
Why do men like him assume a woman being attractive means she MUST be having sex with loads of people?!

You were absolutely right to call him out. I did similar with a (childless) ex of mine ages ago. Men like him are beyond pathetic.

Good for you OP. My ex never paid a penny and is remarried with more kids and I always wonder why a woman would marry a guy like this and not call out his shitiness.

Good swerve. Sounds like a dickhead.

Hopefully you told him no thanks as you’d earmarked his money for fags, booze and new nails.

Haha. He wanted you to tell him he’s a wounded hero and his ex wife is a grasping monster. Glad didn’t

Who are the 4% that think the OP is being unreasonable? 🙄. He sounds like a catch.

You’re best rid of him - he sounds awful.

Always amazes me how many women stay with a man who treat their ex-partners and kids this way. It just shows how they’d treat you in the same scenario.

You definitely did the right thing. More women need to be like you. I had a phone call once from my youngest dc’s dad’s girlfriend (who I’ve never met) telling me that she thinks he he shouldn’t pay for dc because he doesn’t seem her. That’s his choice not to see her, but you can’t argue with stupid and the girlfriend couldn’t understand why he pays for his child.

Well done! If my two DS ever have children and turn out like this as men I would feel as if I’ve failed as a Mum! I wish more women that meet these men would call out this behaviour. As a single mum of three who works full time to make ends meet, I wish men would change this disgusting view and start supporting their kids properly.

I worked with a bloke who had 2 kids with an ex and was always complaining about having to pay a pittance, he made the mistake of telling me that he wasn't paying that week because for some reason she wouldn't let him see them on the days he wanted , apparently she had something on with them. I didn't cover myself in glory because I shouted at him that they weren't pay per view and who was paying for their food, clothes and housing if not him. He went a bit quiet and never moaned to me again. Won't have changed his attitude but I had tried.

I will never understand why men who do the bare minimum eow argue she should be paying 50% too. My ex (probs does complain about maintenance and chooses to pay barren minimum) fits our son in around his work. I fit my work in around DS… hardly the same thing!

You’ve already called him out - which is why he left. He’s a bitter moron who probably spent his marriage wondering why she was so upset all the time all the while being the second child she was raising. You dodged a bullet.

Well done OP. YOU ARE EISER THAN YOUR YEARS. I dated my now husband who had two kids from a previous marriage. I was so scared that he would turn out to be a w*nker like this, that the first few months of dating was a lie. If I had heard negative words and whining about child maintenance I would've run. As it turned out my husband's ex wife was really vile in the treatment of his relationship with the kids, changing arrangements last minute on his weekends, planning things on his time and telling him last minute, cancelling pick up on special occasions. He was paying above and beyond for things on top of child maintenance ( he was able to manage his money so none of my business to say anything) but it made me admire his inner strength. It wasn't untill about six months into dating that he spoke about his emotions rather than his hatred for ex wife's cruel games. Why is this guy whining about ex-wife using money to pay for bills...if they were together that's where his money would be going? Isnt paying electric bills that enables his children to see? Is the maintenance system broken ? Yes it is on many levels but they're his kids and they need a roof over their heads. Should've made his marriage work then.

It's both terrifying and depressing how common this is. One of my colleagues is going through it at the moment - her ex (who like so many on here is self employed and fiddled things to pay a pitiful amount) called her to complain he was turning down work because he would 'just have to pay it over' to her if he earned more. He blamed her for this idiocy, rather than realising both he and his children are worse off because of his own actions. And yes, he has a new partner

I went on a second date. He casually mentioned that his ex was in hospital with meningitis. I asked where his young daughter was. He said that he had no idea as it wasn’t his night to have her. I walked out of the pub.

Moons ago I had a relationship with a bloke who had a bio son and had taken on his exes dd as his own (had known her since she was a newborn)

He had not adopted her but was her dad in every other way

Him and the ex wife had broken up and where sorting out the finer details which included the csa money

This prince among men had got the letter from them,(im guessing his ex had got in touch with them) stating that he had to pay x amount for both dc and he rang them to say that the dd wasn't his blood child and he had them 5 nights a week (big lie-he had them 2 nights a fortnight)so could he have a reduction?

They gave him the reduced figure (just for his ds) and he wailed and moaned about it while telling everyone that 'i wanted to pay for saffron (not real name) but the csa insisted that I couldnt'

I pointed out that the csa amount was much less than the bare minimum to bring up a child and he should be paying more to help bring up his dc

I also pointed out that if he wanted to pay more,they wouldn't stop him,as long as he was paying the amount they'd said he had to pay,anything else was for his dc

He dumped me (or rather got his mother,who thought the sun shone out of his arse to ring me and finish us on his behalf,he was,at the time 34 years old!)

Imagine being the dd and finding out the bloke you call dad and was your father in everyway but not with dna was refusing to help pay to bring you up

Oh and the amount he was squealing over?

£15 a month (he is self employed and fiddled the books)

Well done OP. This kind of behaviour continues because too many people don’t call it out. Ex has had 3 women turn a blind eye to his resistance to pay CM. One of them is now finding herself in the same situation. He’s still with one of them who must be ok with him lying to the CMS, forcing me to take it to a tribunal (that I easily won but the process lasted 3 years.) She’s as bad as him, being ok with that, but there are plenty out there like that.