Page 2 | AIBU to refuse son a sleepover at a girl's house?

leavingonajetplane76 · 20/09/2026 16:06

I slept over boys homes and they slept at mine that age. All purely platonic! Never as much as kissed one of the boys

Whatthefork1 · 21/09/2026 07:16

Do the girls parents even know it is happening and will they be there? It might be a good idea to have a chat with them beforehand. I’m more shocked that the girls parents are allowing it to be honest. I wasn’t ever allowed to sleep over or have a boy sleep over at that age, friends or otherwise. My parents would always say it doesn’t matter for boys because they can’t get pregnant, but honestly I now have a son and he is only 2, but there are so many other things that boys could end up doing and/or be accused of too!

GordanoServices · 21/09/2026 07:27

Favouritefruits · 18/09/2026 19:02

All it takes is one child to say ‘they touched me’ or ‘ they said something I felt uncomfortable with’ and then there’s a huge mess. That age group are horny as hell, well I know what me and my friend were like at that age, a lot worse than the boys!

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That could happen between same sexes anyway. So then no sleepovers at all?

Rocknrollstar · 21/09/2026 08:39

It all boils down to the fact that if they want to have sex, then they will have sex. If not at her house, then in the park, in a doorway or in a car. The 15 year olds I taught told me this. You would be better off making sure he knows about condoms and letting him go to the sleepover. Refusing will only encourage him to lie about where he is going on other occasions.

theiblis · 21/09/2026 08:46

I cannot believe there are parents with this attitude still, my parents had the same problem with parents when I was a teenager and that was 35 years ago. What exactly are 15 year olds going to do at a mixed sleepover? You think that 15/16 are going to be shagging each other in front of their friends? Get a grip! Poor kid he just wants some fun with his mates and adults have to come along with all their weird hang ups and ruin it!

Pherian · 21/09/2026 08:53

Michscoll89 · 18/09/2026 18:31

14 almost 15 year old stepson asked to sleepover at friends house. Husband found out it was a girls house and said he was uncomfortable with it and said no. I agree.

Son obviously fought back on it saying it's completely unfair as is a platonic friendship and pressed pretty hard and asked to stay at his mums house nearby his friends so he could still go out with friends. I believe its a group of them having the sleepover. His mum also didnt understand husbands view on it and has said she has allowed girl stay for sleepovers at their house, and hes been to sleepover at hers before.

Are we being unreasonable thinking it's inappropriate?

Have you contacted the girls parents to find out from them ? He will be 16 at some point and then you will have zero control over anything soon enough.

Im not saying take the brakes off completely, but start thinking about what you want your future relationship with him to be. It will go very quick.

If his mother thinks you are being unreasonable- then you are being unreasonable.

RainbowMoonbeam · 21/09/2026 09:18

At that age if they wanted to do anything other than "sleeping" they already would be, if forced selective seperation is your only plan for handling that, I suggest you seriously reconsider that strategy.

Original poster

Michscoll89 · 21/09/2026 09:19

Pherian · 21/09/2026 08:53

Have you contacted the girls parents to find out from them ? He will be 16 at some point and then you will have zero control over anything soon enough.

Im not saying take the brakes off completely, but start thinking about what you want your future relationship with him to be. It will go very quick.

If his mother thinks you are being unreasonable- then you are being unreasonable.

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We do not know her parents.

He isnt 16, hes 14. I am speaking on behalf of his father, who is his biological parent with parental responsibility. We've had 50:50 custody since he was 3.

Appreciate it is very split and some think were unreasonable. We did pick him up after midnight so he could hang out with his friends. Im surprised at the amount of parents that allow these types of sleepovers, and perhaps were old fashioned. I still agree with some of the posters in that i dont think a 14 year old is emotionally mature enough for that kind of sleepover and i dont feel its right to put him in that situation.

OP posts:

Pherian · 22/09/2026 09:02

Michscoll89 · 21/09/2026 09:19

We do not know her parents.

He isnt 16, hes 14. I am speaking on behalf of his father, who is his biological parent with parental responsibility. We've had 50:50 custody since he was 3.

Appreciate it is very split and some think were unreasonable. We did pick him up after midnight so he could hang out with his friends. Im surprised at the amount of parents that allow these types of sleepovers, and perhaps were old fashioned. I still agree with some of the posters in that i dont think a 14 year old is emotionally mature enough for that kind of sleepover and i dont feel its right to put him in that situation.

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Like I said …. Won’t be long. I have two step sons and that 14 to 16 goes faster than you think.

This isn’t about maturity, it’s about control and the future relationship. Your old fashioned mindset and structure will be what creates the distance between your husband and his son.

When he’s 16 it’s very unlikely a judge will enforce the 50:50 anymore and he will be off doing whatever he wants to do. That’s the part you’re losing sight of. Your relationship with him right now is very important for the future.

When he’s 16 and he isn’t hanging around your home, consulting you on where he’s going or what he’s doing - your old fashioned ideas will be why. He’s already not introducing his friends to your home - you don’t know the girls parents… and you. Cant ask a simple question about the event or even the supervision.

How will your husband feel when his son fully distances himself over your “old fashioned values”. Do you know ?

Floatlikeafeather2 · 22/09/2026 09:25

Michscoll89 · 21/09/2026 09:19

We do not know her parents.

He isnt 16, hes 14. I am speaking on behalf of his father, who is his biological parent with parental responsibility. We've had 50:50 custody since he was 3.

Appreciate it is very split and some think were unreasonable. We did pick him up after midnight so he could hang out with his friends. Im surprised at the amount of parents that allow these types of sleepovers, and perhaps were old fashioned. I still agree with some of the posters in that i dont think a 14 year old is emotionally mature enough for that kind of sleepover and i dont feel its right to put him in that situation.

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What, in your mind, is "that sort of sleepover" and what do you mean by "that situation"?
Has he ever been to any kind of sleepover, or have you always kept him tied to your side?
I think you and your partner are going to have to tread carefully. If your stepson's mother lets him go to such things, it's going to become a competition between you and his mother and, at that age, he's only going to want to spend time with the parent who lets him have a life.

Original poster

Michscoll89 · 22/09/2026 10:11

Pherian · 22/09/2026 09:02

Like I said …. Won’t be long. I have two step sons and that 14 to 16 goes faster than you think.

This isn’t about maturity, it’s about control and the future relationship. Your old fashioned mindset and structure will be what creates the distance between your husband and his son.

When he’s 16 it’s very unlikely a judge will enforce the 50:50 anymore and he will be off doing whatever he wants to do. That’s the part you’re losing sight of. Your relationship with him right now is very important for the future.

When he’s 16 and he isn’t hanging around your home, consulting you on where he’s going or what he’s doing - your old fashioned ideas will be why. He’s already not introducing his friends to your home - you don’t know the girls parents… and you. Cant ask a simple question about the event or even the supervision.

How will your husband feel when his son fully distances himself over your “old fashioned values”. Do you know ?

Edited

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Well our views differ, thats fine and nothing that was said here actually made me feel any differently in thinking we were actually unreasonable which was the goal, as I still believe he's too young.

and of course hes been out with friends and at sleepovers, we know most of his friends, not this particular girl, and thats down to proximity of his school to our house. The last sleepover he was at, they snuck out to meet girls and got brought home by the police. It isn't about control, its asserting boundaries while they are still children, because hes a child. This is also me standing behind my husbands views, not the other way around. My stepson knows we love him dearly and support him. He is a very loved child, my parents and extended family treat him as much of a grandson as my biological son. He comes with us overseas to visit. Yes we aren't as relaxed as his mum, but I think its silly to think that our relationship will be ruined with him because we didn't let him sleepover at a girls house who we didn't know.

OP posts:

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · Today 04:17

There was a post a few months ago where an OP had a girl who was friends with her daughter shagging a lad they had snuck into her house while she was in the garden! I think the other kids sectioned off part of the room they were in or found a spare room but the deed was done and the OP had a stranger in the home while she had younger kids and was left having to be told by players to tell the girls parents. If parents are allowing sleepovers or even late get togethers, they need to remain within hearing distance and potential walking into the room at any momentnous.