What is her problem?!

Her insecurity, while misplaced, is obviously bang on. Her husband is a cheating piece of shit. There’s no excuse for that, you don’t fix marital problems by shoving your dick in somebody else. I can understand why you have an issue with the heat being on you, she’s obviously got that wrong. But don’t you have even a scrap of empathy for her?

Tell your friend that if his wife doesn't stop talking about you, you will point her in the direction of the right woman.

Op - if you are remotely serious in asking the original question. Which I’m not entirely clear on what that is (encouraging an additional affair on top of the one he has?, or whether you should not like her??) the best thing to think is .. what would do if you were in her shoes? I don’t know fully know what you mean by both causing you to lose a promotion and then possibly doing so because she said something to you that suggested that .. (would she have that power?) the chances are she wants to big herself up to potential affair partners or people her (horrible) husband is fucking.
So.. if you are sufficiently angry right now - in the wake of confirmation that she caused your lack of promotion by making false statements about you.. firstly, I’d raise that with your employers. Secondly, I’d stop being fake nice to her. Or anyone. That gets you nowhere. Thirdly, if you value your friendship, as you claim to with her husband and believe she is controlling.. why would you make things worse for him by telling her?
My view is this.. you’ve had a few too many at a work event and ideas you’ve had about her have risen to the surface.
if I’m wrong, ok.. but don’t strike out of rage or spite.. it ALWAYS comes back to haunt you.

If he has had affairs before I can totally why she sees women as a threat and if she sees him close to you how does she know you are one if them. I think she's well within her rights to be insecure. You don't seen to be very understanding towards a domen who has been cheated on multiple times.

You’re friends with a married man, fine, but you’re also friends with a man who’s having an affair. His wife can sense it, she’s just on to the wrong woman.

i mean, it’s on you for being mates with a guy causing so much drama tbh. You’re complicit at this point, you know more about him than she does

And you probably would have a better chance at promotion if you weren’t in the wrong circle. She’s not to blame.

Your friend sounds awful and his wife should be encouraged to kick him out. Where's your solidarity with her? Why are you siding with this revolting cheat? You sound as if you are thoroughly enjoying the drama of it all.

On the very, very unlikely chance this thread is real, your former workplace sounds so unprofessional as to be... unbelievable. I do hope you've chosen better this time around?

Well, weirdly, I've worked in the 'corporate world' before leaving and transitioning to a creative industry, and I have yet to come across such a lack of professionalism that a colleague's wife shit-talking someone could lead to a lack of promotion.

If you were working in an environment where there's no clear hierarchy, no structure, no line management, no annual review setup, and the process is capricious enough that a colleague's wife could tank your promotion, you're well out of it, and should probably send her a thank-you note.

If she's that bad = he should leave her rather than cheat.
If she's not that bad = he shouldn't cheat.

All roads lead to Rome.

Your thinking and morals seem quite disordered because you don't like this woman.

You also appear unable to contemplate the possibility that your cheating shit of a friend is winding his wife up to look in entirely the wrong direction.

You're not that innocent though. You know about his affairs and have said you want to actively encourage thrm.

And what is your ‘friend’ doing to defend you/correct anything said that is inaccurate? Apart from to come and tell you all about it? I wonder if he ‘drags your innocent name through the mud’ when at home? You simply have no idea. And his current response to being accused of cheating with you seems to involve cheating with someone else. You said it’s likely complicated and that goes for them both. You have a snapshot of their relationship and nothing more. In the same way you say he’s not a ‘bad person’ you need to allow for the very possibility that she isn’t a ‘bad person’ so your suggestions for revenge of some kind seem entirely unnecessary.

I would have no desire to be close friends with someone who is having an affair - I would have no respect for them.

By all means acknowledge a failed relationship and look for honest solutions, but someone having an affair does not get my vote.

😂👏😂

Oh OP, come on…

Just knowing how she has been about me makes me think the reason for his infidelity stems from her behaviour.

Your friend has, over time, set you up for his wife as the target of her ‘insecurity’ in an effort to a) possibly throw her off the trail of his affair/s, but also b) to portray her behaviour as being unhinged as it’s directed at an innocent friend.

He then, using her behaviour to illustrate what a terrible person she is, creates a narrative for himself, bolstered by you being drawn into and agreeing with this narrative, that he in fact has the moral high ground, that he couldn’t but help have have sex with other women in these circumstances…. his wife drove him to it…

Wake up and smell the coffee OP, you and his wife are being used by a thoroughly unpleasant person to prop up their fake image of themself. Get away from him as fast as you can.

@Bestfootforward11 I agree. @Bupsy17 Your friend is a cheater, this may not be the first affair he's had so of course his wife is insecure about female friends. It's because of his behaviour, not hers!

Slating you to other people isn't OK, I agree, but your friend is the cause of her insecurity. She should ditch him tbh.

Also, you can't know for sure that he hasn't cheated on her before.

How do you know he doesn’t shit stir or make her jealous on purpose, or that he didn’t slag you off to the boss to calm her down?
why are you trusting a cheater’s word?

I'm more frustrated by the men who ban their female partners from having male friendships through physical violence, but maybe I'm weird.
That's my main issue in all seriousness; you seem to have this perceivable chip on your shoulder about female partners, when the reality is men are just as culpable. That might be why you are getting a hard time here.
In terms of the dynamics. Ok, let's say you are right, she's the problem, you're innocent. Crack on.

A jealous person will always be a jealous person and, in the end, they’re sometimes going to push partners away. It sounds like this may have already happened in the case of your friend and his wife. I don’t think the partners of jealous people should give in to it and isolate themselves from friends at all.

But I’m getting a quite immature, spiteful, even vengeful feeling from your posts. If you intend to stay friends with this man, you need to learn to ignore what his wife says to, or about you. Feeling gleeful that she’s getting her comeuppance is just childish. Her husband could be putting her at risk of STDs.

Why are people believing her when she is slating you? How did she have power over your promotion when your boss actually knows your work? It's not adding up.

This sounds like a bonkers situation all round tbh. I wouldn’t want any of this drama in the workplace and why should it be there anyway unless you work with your colleague’s wife too?!

She doesn’t like you. You don’t like her. He’s a cheating bastard, just not with you 🤷‍♀️

@CypressGrove Good points.

Assuming you’re not married OP and younger than your ‘friend’?