AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

If you have an adult who is earning and living in your home then why shouldn’t you get some benefit from that, no one would think anything of a mother who has their partner or a friend (even if he didn’t own his own house) move in being asked to pay rent 🤷🏻‍♀️

£35k is not a huge salary. Again, really weird that you think he should happily pay £800 per month yet you only charge your adult dc £100pm.

Your DC owns a house because s/he was able to save for a house deposit whilst paying you £100om.

I’ve never seen anyone be so wilfully obtuse before.

There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing if it works well for you both but neither do you deserve a medal. He can have a perfectly happy life without your help but just as if you were an aunt wanting to gift him 50k that’s fine too. He’s not hard done by going without subsidied rent in his 20s but some people are always going to go through adult hood with extra privileges like you want to give him, that’s fine too. We are doing the same for one of my adult DC. I can’t understand why you’re sister is so upset about it all, surely most parents are happy when their adult DC moves out and they now have the extra space and privacy, what exactly is she upset about? If she was just lonely why did she put him off wanting to stay by putting up the rent? She is the one in the wrong in this scenario, you and your nephew are not and I do feel sorry for you both that’s she being so unreasonable. Although it makes more sense if you and him are acting all indignant about this rent rise that she’s obviously going to be pissed off about this implied criticism of her and you stepping in as if your some saintly martyr. It explains more when you say your parents beliefs were similar to hers, she’s grown up fine without having huge subs from your parents so she doesn’t see why he needs them and then your bringing a completely different set of beliefs to the table which she things are ridiculous and criticising her for not aligning to them.

I think profiting from your child is very different to profiting from anyone else. That doesn't mean anyone should subsidise their child and totally fair to charge them for extra costs.

I do very much feel that unique love and bond and have a joy and interest in caring for my own children very different to when looking after someone else’s (where the care is there more from a sense of empathy and duty than love ) However I am not my adult children’s slave though, I exist for more than just to feather their nests, I am there if they need but deserve to be able to build a decent and happy life for myself too

How are my posts inconsistent, I’m saying there is nothing wrong if you do want to do that for him or if a parent chooses to like we do for one of our adult DC (who does work full time and could just afford to rent own place but has a disability which means life is harder for them anyway so we particularly want to give him an extra helping hand) All I’m saying is that it should be the parents or relatives choice, they shouldn’t face criticism for not doing that either. Your nephew earns more than enough to comfortably support himself and save but if you want to help him further then that’s fine too 🤷🏻‍♀️ it just comes across as if you feel you’re some saviour for ‘rescuing’ a grown man out of a paddling pool

You have done the right thing OP and I hope your nephew settles in with you. £800 is a piss take.

And you’re right to ignore the goady attention seekers that turn up on every thread!

Because they are your child….?!?? You carried them in your body for 9 months and promised to love, care and look after them. I’d die for my kids. I can’t imagine what a terrible person you must be to feel entitled to make a profit from your flesh and blood. I wouldn’t charge my kids a penny - they are my babies forever, no matter how old they are - it’s my duty to care for them and make their lives easier in any way I can.

Charging more than his net salary??? It is wicked. She’s a terrible mother and terrible human being. I’d never talk to my sister again as she’s clearly an awful person. What’s the point in having kids if you’re going to treat them like that?

Ignore the people criticising you @YearsOfLife - they are clearly soulless and heartless. And they’ll wonder why their kids won’t visit or call enough when they’re old and lonely. Or maybe we should start taking elderly relatives’ pension money off them too?

But you’re charging your own dc £100pm and yet you think OP’s nephew should happily pay £800pm because he has a huge amount left over on his £35k salary.

You do get that he earns £35k per year, not per month, right?

There are people on here just looking for a bloody argument Op. Yout sister got an inheritance, a life insurance payout and has a joint household income of £150k. There are very few people in that position financially. A normal person in that position would charge their child minimal rent and help them get on the property ladder, particularly when he sounds like a hardworking and lovely lad. Trying to profit from him is indefensible and just plain nasty. It’s so great he has you.

@Needingarest he was already paying £500 not £400. £400 is what the OP said would be the maximum she would charge a family member, and that's what he's offered to pay her. The OP also said he cooks for them when he's home.

I know you probably won't answer as I have asked before but what is the partners role in all of this?
Your latest update has red flags all over it. Your sister is wealthy largely because of her husband dying, presumably your nephews Dad. Are you sure the partner has not manoeuvred your sister into asking for the rent increase knowing your nephew would look for alternative accommodation? Do you think she would have been as stubborn if it was just her and her son living there?

YearsOfLife · 18/09/2026 10:49

"It may be coming from her partner but I have no evidence of it as such. The only thing that makes me think it could be coming from him having thought about it, is that when talking to my nephew he’d been told he was earning almost as much as my sisters partner. I suppose her partner could think he should have to pay more because of that. My sisters earns a lot more though so if that is the case, it’s even more annoying that she’ll subsidise her partners living costs, but not her sons. As I said though, I have no evidence of that being the case."

Yes, my son is only on the minimum wage plus has a disability, it’s totally up to us what we want to charge and we’ve chosen to keep it to literally just the extra costs of him being here. We wouldn’t be wrong to charge him more at all but this is something we want to do for him. If he was on 35k we would probably be saying he really needs to be looking at houses as he has a really good deposit and would now meet the eligibility criteria. Anyway what we chose to do is irrelevant, the point is that it should be the parents choice what they wish to offer and the adult DC choice what arrangements they want to make. Both parties should feel happy with the arrangement, the adult DC shouldn’t feel obliged to stay just as the parent shouldn’t feel they have to offer subsidised rent.

They are all adults, why shouldn’t it be the sisters choice who if anyone she wants to subsidise

I think you are confused, she’s not charging him more than his net salary and he’s perfectly able to afford to go and live somewhere else, so it doesn’t matter that she spent 18 years raising him, probably helped him through uni, given him subsidised rent since he left, in your eyes she’s a wicked mother as she doesn’t want to keep subbing him when he’s perfectly able to support himself 🙄 honestly if I had relatives with that kind of view I don’t think I’d want to continue to have anything to do with them as the function of a mother seems to be an eternal sacrificial cow till she dies

Well I’ll leave you to keep polishing your halo, I’d also die for my kids, but my parents and my siblings too

Is she trying to teach him responsibility and you're gettingi in the way?

not sure how that would work?

As on most threads on MN there is a huge difference between a lad making a reasonable contribution at home now that he is working, to be gouged by his own mother.

Most reasonable parents agree a nominal amount is a good idea, I certainly do, it reflects some bit the real world of paying your way in life.
Some even saving it if they can and gifting it back when they eventually buy a home.
Living rent free at home for years, not contributing and not saving is not something I would entertain at all.

This young man is responsible and trying to make provision for his future.
I think he is so lucky to have an aunt supporting him.
His father is likely turning in his grave seeing treated like this.

Will she marry this partner and hand him her sons rightful inheritance?
It will track if she does!

That poster has very strange views. It is a bit depressing to think about the kind of household some kids are growing up in. As soon as they become adults, it’s almost like their parents turn against them.

OP you sound like a great aunt. I am sure your nephew will get the best start in life, whilst he is living with you.

I really hope that his mother reflects on her behaviour. She sounds quite cold at the end. Poor boy, hope his mental health remains ok despite this effective rejection from his Mum.