AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

I’d rather have a good relationship with my nephew than a relationship with my grabby sister.

£800 pm is absolutely ridiculous!
I even think £500 is a bit much if he’s genuinely trying to save for a deposit.
When my oldest started full time work we asked for only £50 per week .
It didn’t cover what it cost us to have her living there but that wasn’t the point , it probably covered her share of the food shop .
My middle daughter eventually found a full time job but we knew she was building up savings to move away and trying to do so in a really short time frame.
So we didn’t ask her for any rent at all , just maybe for her to get us the odd treat or takeaway food or to treat me to a coffee out .
My youngest is different. She does transfer us a sum monthly which leaves her plenty for herself and to build up savings .
If we hadn’t agreed the sum she’d fritter away on nothing .

You've done the right thing, I believe. As per my previous comments about rights and protection, he's been paying £500 a month and has only been given a few days to move out. Imagine if he'd agreed to pay £800 a month, and then they decided they wanted more. The extra £300 a month would not have bought him extra protection from eviction. Shame on your sister.

Your sister sounds awful. Your poor nephew, particularly so as he has lost his dad young and now his mother too. On the positive side, he is lucky to have such a kind aunt.

£800 a month is a lot to take from your child whilst they're trying to save for their own house. His mum should be helping him to get on the property ladder not making it hard for him!

I agree £800 is ridiculous!!

I suspect your sisters partner cocklodger is behind this.

BTW she’s now ruined her relationship with her son because of this!!

I’m sorry 😢😢 (for you and your nephew)

This is such a crap way of reacting to your own child leaving.

I agree with other posters. She has just badly damaged her relationship with her own child. And likely with you too.

💐💐

Good for you. I would let the dust settle and then encourage DN to continue to have a relationship with his mother, even if she is being outrageous on this. He can decide for himself what that relationship look like - i am sure he will be feeling heartbroken over her behaviour. But encourage him to try to retain ties with her, even if lightly at first.

You seem a much better Auntie than she is a Mum. He is close family. You are doing the right thing. I would do the same for my nephews. Poor lad.But lucky to have you .

Harsh!

I'm pretty sure that OP's sister would have told OP if there was something awful that her nephew had done that would have put OP off allowing her nephew to live with her.

There is absolutely no evidence that there is anything more going on other than OP's sister expecting her son to pay £800 rent per month (now reduced to £750) and her son deciding to move out because of this massive rent increase.

Maybe cos his mum is taking the absolute piss

nailed it

Why would he be upset?! He’s 24 and is considering his options, one of which is to lodge with his aunt. He’s not a 12 year old seeking refuge with an adult!

He’s a grown man working full time.

Because he wants to live with his aunt, evidently in preference to other options or he'd have pursued those instead. And the house share would cost him more than the money his aunt would charge thus taking longer to save for a deposit. He'd be losing out on both of these things because his mother has talked his aunt into not doing something she otherwise would.

If you're going to assure OP that her relationship with her sister will be damaged and she's burning bridges, and talk about the importance of family, the other side of that involves thinking about DNs feelings as well.

Glad the decision has been made and I wish your nephew well. He is lucky to have you. He is going to have a reaction having lost his Dad and now been rejected by his Mum. He will need a lot of support. Is he an only child? Your sister is being very harsh and cruel. All of your relationships are going to be affected by her decision making.
I have asked before and maybe you dont feel comfortable answering but I cannot help but think her partner is involved in all of this. How long have they been together? Is it a jointly owned property they live in?

I'm so glad he has you and his cousins. Imagine losing your Dad and then your Mum treating you like this, poor lad. I imagine you and your family are feeling like a lifeline to him now, not just a place to live, but somewhere where he actually feels wanted, liked and welcomed as opposed to his mother who just wants him for his money.

Your sister is behaving appallingly and her son will never forget how she treated him.

Make sure he takes much loved childhood toys and school stuff if she's kept any, because no doubt she'll sell/bin/give away everything.

I reckon the mother would have told OP if that was the case.

Perhaps she is a controlling person.

His own mother and the partner are using him as a cash cow! How awful poor lad. Why she it cause issues between you and your sister - she is wanting to charge him extra rent and he doesn't want to pay nearly double and i can't blame him! Tell her, him living at yours shouldn't impact her at all! Unless she was trying to use the rent money for her benefit and not thinking about her own sons needs! This sounds very familiar to me as my DH is wanting to increase my DS rent at home so DH benefits from not paying so much for bills! It's greed! Who is the parent here!

I'm so glad he has you and you've come to an arrangement with him. Whilst I don't think your sister was wrong to charge something for his keep (covering extra use of utilities and good plus maybe a bit extra to prepare him for independence) £800 is sheer greed!

It sounds like she and her partner are jealous of his good income and want to cash in on it. The ridiculous thing is if he was an actual lodger they would have no idea what he earned. If they found out and said "hey lodger you have had a pay rise so we're doubling your rent" the lodger would say no thanks I'll find somewhere else. Which is what he's done.

£400 is not ridiculously cheap. My NDN rents a room plus private bathroom on a separate private floor to a lodger for £600 (SE England).

I may be overinvested because my own mother was a bit like that (though not as bad). Parents were comfortably off, paid off mortgage etc. Mum worked very part time. Coming up to my first year uni summer holiday i was told if I wanted to come home I had to get a summer job and pay rent. I think she just fancied some extra spending money without having to work more hours herself. I did get a summer job with accommodation included and didn't come home at all. Next summer she didn't mention rent!

It's interesting that she's decided to burn it to the ground in response, this will severely affect her relationship with her son so I hope she knows what she is doing.

Anyway I'm glad you're there for him and hopefully he can get back on track and save up to move on his own soon.

Has she done anything like this in the past or displayed simialr selfish or mean behaviour? I'm wondering how much of a role her partner is playing behind the scenes. Either way she has to own her decision. I hope everything works out with you and your nephew and I'm glad even your husband was supportive.

Is it possible she is struggling financially and is too embarrassed to say so?

But regardless, your sister didnt need to give permission for a grown man to move in with you and she needs to stop acting like he's a child and must do as he's told.

I hope all goes smoothly when he collects the rest of his stuff.