AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

Someone on 100k should not be charging their son, who is only on £35k a year, £800 a month whilst he’s saving for a house, I think that’s terrible tbh. I’ve read all your posts and agree with you completely and it’s lovely that you care about him so much, shame she doesn’t seem to.

Op, you sound lovely and what a lucky lad to have an Aunt like you. He sounds lovely too and responsible. I would let him move in, he is an adult and he can make his own decisions about where he lives. Why should your Sister make the rules for your house.

Stay out of it! If he could afford £800 he could probably get a shared house somewhere. Just leave them to sort it out themselves b4 ww3 starts

why?

why?

Tbh I think this too, given he is earning 35k, already has substantial savings and would still have approximately £1500 disposable income for savings and socialising after the all inclusive rent/council tax/bills/food package for £800.

He's not being asked for £800 rent, but £800 all in including food and bills (presumably including internet and Netflix and the like).

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's normal for his mum to charge so much unless she actually is struggling and needs the money, but it could be a simple three way split of all the running costs of the house, with each employed adult paying the same. Obviously this is only "fair" if it's a rental, not so much mortgage, but it's also really not exploitation of a 24 year old taking home around £2300 a month.

His mum isn't being generous but at the same time there is a faint wiff of cheeky fucker about him offering his aunt less than he has been paying his mother, given that pre pre-pay rise he was saving hand over fist, according to the OP as well as socialising (not home much).

Obviously the OP will do as she thinks best, but I don't think he's quite as hard done by as the headline £800 figure makes out, given it's all inclusive and only 35% of around £2300 monthly take home, leaving 65% for disposable income/savings.

I agree and I’d let him live with you while he saves.

I don't think it's any of your sister's business where her adult son chooses to live if he decides to move out of her house. It's up to him entirely. And if you are happy to have him move in with you, then your sister should keep out of the situation. It's a private arrangement between you and your nephew. His mum has no say in the matter.

As for the issue of independence, I do think there is much to be said for standing on your own two feet as an adult. I had wonderful parents who were completely supportive of me, but when I finished university I made the decision to be fully independent financially. They would not have minded at all if I'd moved back in with them, but for me it would have been the wrong choice. I wouldn't say I ever struggled in any meaningful sense. Of course, I couldn't afford some luxuries that I might have if I'd stayed with my parents and paid nothing in rent. But I think I benefited hugely in less tangible ways by being responsible for myself completely. I worry that some young people today are existing in an extended adolescence well into their 20s and even 30s. That sort of experience can be extremely unhealthy in a variety of ways.

I don't see how even a third of the bills would be 800 if she isn't including mortgage.

Personally I always try and do what I feel is right and fair. And if he came to you and you believe that it’s the right thing for your nephew to allow him to move in with you then do that. If your sister can not see that then that’s her problem. I mean it’s not like you heard of the situation and then approached him.

do what you feel is right not just because your sister and her partner is not happy.

I think your sister sounds awful, if she earns over 100k without her partners wage considered - I can’t see how you’d justify charging your own child who has lost their own father very young rent at all! Financial meanness is such a horrible trait.

Or that he will charge her if he does care for her

Do we know she has a mortgage, not rent?

I'd love to know how your sister justifies charging her child £800 a month, do they live in a stately home? Obviously he should pay something but that's shocking. You could take him in but definitely going to cause a rift with your sister, potentially an unrepairable one. Which she has caused tbf. Poor lad probably better off in a house share.

Go for it!!!
Let him move in with you him.
It's the only way to save for his own place it'd crazy how much rent is now days.
At end of the day it's his choice if he wants to move out from his mum and live with you.

They’re using him as a cash cow. Obscene. Receiving 800 per month is in excess of the rent a room scheme and they will be fined by HMRC if they don’t declare it.

i think it’s really weird. I’d only charge an adult child saving for a deposit if I couldn’t afford to look after them. 800 is disgraceful. What a bitch.

Normal parent behaviour is wanting to help their children and to make their life better. Of course adult children should not take advantage of their parents or take the piss and expect to be supported when they do fuck all. However, this is not the case - the young man is working and trying to save and his mum is charging him rent even though she does not need money.

You are supposed to give a leg up to your kids, not knock the ladder from under them.

He’s an adult and you are happy to have him live with you. Your sister and her partner sound mean and nasty. Seems like they are viewing him as a cash machine. I’d let him move in, set the rules, agree a figure with a trial period and see how it works out. How on earth are youngsters supposed to be able to purchase property if their own family that are able to, don’t help them! Your nephew is lucky to have you as his aunt. His own mother sounds like a grabby so and so - personally I would fall out with her over it - she’s unbelievable!

She is taking the piss but then so is he by asking you if he can live with you for £400pcm leaving him with almost £2K. He will be thinking of all that money leftover to do with as he wants and I feel you’d be doing him a disservice by letting him stay.

Encourage him to spread his wings by getting a houseshare but somehow I don’t think he’d be too keen on that idea.

And he cooks for them as well! Sounds like they have a great boy who overcame a lot and is very sensible.

TBH if I could afford it I would let him live with me for free.

If they rent a three bed detached house in the south east of England with band E/F council tax, 1/3 share of rent plus 1/3 of council tax plus 1/3 of gas, electric, TV licence, water, broadband and Netflix or similar would come to well over £1000 per person before adding in £40 per week or so for food...

I'm really just playing devil's advocate, but £800 all in including food and bills is still less than life would cost if he were out on his own. The need to save a child free 24 year old man earning 35k from the cruel fate of having anything less than £2000 a month disposable income after essentials are covered seems a little extreme.

He’s saving for his own place!

She is asking way too much of her own son unless of course she is saving that money on his behalf for his house deposit.
I just can't understand why people think it's ok to make money out of their own kids.
You getting involved may not end well but this is capitalism at work so you may as well allow him to if he wants.

He's 24, he can choose to live where he likes.