AIBU to feel annoyed by parents prying about my daughter’s school?

The children who are bullies have parents who may be clueless or just don't care as long as their child isn't being bullied.
Saying the words out loud "my child was being bullied" is very powerful. Tell anyone who asks.

i find all of this strange and unnecessary;
we switched dd to school xyz at her request.
she's doing well and so far the transition has gone well.
why make more drama, just tell the truth.

Do you happen to know if any of these people are the parents of your DD’s bullies? Maybe their friends? I would prepare some stock standard answers like…

”I’m sorry…. Do I know you?”
”Why are you asking?”
”I’m sensing hostility. Would you mind explaining why?”
“Why do you think you are owed an explanation?”
“What do you mean by this?”
”Do you always interrogate strangers about their choices?”
”I’m here to discuss my son, actually. Thanks.”

I don't know about gossip fodder - isn't it totally natural to wonder? And while most do it privately you'll get some that openly (and possibly rudely) ask.

I would think it's human nature to subconsciously assign acquaintances into nice, neat categories - and when things change, it's disconcerting and we want to understand. Your situation is unusual with one fee paying child and one not. You've gone from being 'fellow prep school parent' which is our common ground, to something else. Some people just want to understand how to relate to you /your family. Or she might just be really rude and nosy.

I'm in Ireland, so the comparisons are likely to have cultural differences, but we do have some fee paying schools in my area.

I know kids who have moved from fee paying to state, and from state to fee paying and I am always curious about why. I'm curious because I want to know if I'm making the right decisions for my kids. If your kid moved, should I think about moving mine, etc. I appreciate parents who give me a reasonable explanation off the bat (but, I definitely don't pry and I'm not rude)

Other posters have given some good generic but friendly responses that will satisfy most curious minds.
My child wasn’t happy and we decided together to try a diff school.
I couldn't keep her in a school environment where she wasn't thriving.
It wasn't for her.
She's settling in really well to new school.
She likes the smaller/bigger classes, subject choices, etc etc'
She really wanted to take x subject and this school gas the best outcomes.
Her brother is really happy so he'll stay here.

Looking at the folks I know, reasons ranged from 'His father really wanted him to attend the same fee-paying school he attended, but it just didn't suit him.' to 'It's a rugby/soccer school and he's aiming to make it in rugby/soccer.' to 'He stayed with his friends for x number of years, but now study/future is getting serious.'

Sounds like there’s a clique of parents who have been discussing the issue of why your daughter left, and they’re all desperately trying to get info out of you to take back to the clique..

So you say “my child wasn’t happy there and we decided to move her”

the end.

Yeah, “why do you ask?” is a good one.

I’m wondering if it’s a sports match of some sort - do some parents take their work phones or laptops ? Can you try and limit how long you are there for somehow or make beeline for the nicest parents there first?

"why do you ask?"
"it suits us"
"thanks for your concern but we're happy with our decision"

I quite like we just felt it would be a better fit for her couldn’t move my other one he loves it here - big smile! Turn conversation back to her!

not sure what type of event it is but if it’s static / seated can you arrive late and leave early?

if you are mingling then I suppose you could have a prepared statement ready like you just felt it would be a better fit for her - and turn convo back to her anyway enough of me how’s your kid getting on at x or y

I handled it very badly - am horribly shy amd lack polish of any sort!

@StopAsking I don't see the issue. I'd either have answered honestly and would have said "we moved her away from bullyung which the school did not deal with, she's at St State now and far happier". Or I'd have said, I'd prefer not to discuss it.

When mums asked what DH and I did, I just told them. It's a fact, what's the issue?

Surely they want to know why you removed your DD from the school -maybe she was molested/ badly bullied / frightened by some event - as it might happen to their child

I would want to know

and why can’t you just say she was t happy there, found it too demanding , didn’t like the teachers
just avoid having to chat to random parents!?

You are being made into gossip fodder! Stay away and just say my daughter goes to another school - no need to dwell on the history / when / why etc. Also, practise to allow ‘silence’. When people ask questions you do not wish to answer allow the silence to hang in between you until they are uncomfortable enough to move on.

I moved my DC from private to state and not a single parent asked me ‘why’. Just wished her well. I wouldn’t have entertained any Q anyway.

'I really don't want to discuss it, tell me about yourself, do you have a big family?'

Just tell her you don’t feel the need to explain., it’s no big deal. Turn it round on her. ‘Why? Are you thinking of moving schools?’ Money troubles????’ A bit loudly in earshot of a few others.

It sounds like she is concerned that something negative at the school caused you to take your DD out. I think this is understandable. But it was rude of her to push for answers when you made it clear you didn't want to discuss it.

Had similar experiences when my child moved from state to prep all wanted to know which school went to before prep! Am glad not in that environment anymore. Also had Mums approach me to pry when we left but more discreetly than your noisy mum!

I also wondered if she was concerned about a bullying culture…. But if you say she was after gossip I’d take the approach of “Isn’t it so lovely to see the end of the heat wave….”
(or something equally as mindless) then turn my back and walk!!!