Helping 6yo DD navigate friendships

Are there other kids she likes playing with who are nice? Encourage those friendships with play dates and tell your DD not to play with anyone who is mean to her. I have a very sweet accepting child who would just tolerate poor behaviour from other kids because they didn’t want to upset the other child by saying no or not going along with what they wanted. I think over time you just need to keep talking about what a good friend looks like (and doesn’t look like) and encourage her to stand up for herself and have the confidence to leave the situation or play alone.

I wouldn’t involve the parents again, mean kids usually have mean parents. The school should deal with it when it is happening at school and if they don’t you need to get a bit demanding and persistent, don’t drop it.

Big mistake speaking to the girl's mother, in my experience very few parents are willing to admit their child has done anything wrong. If there's a problem, always speak to the school.

Encourage your DD to play with lots of other children and have lots of playdates - don't always expect them to reciprocate as they may have different family circumstances and be unable to. The point is to give your DD the opportunity to be friendly with lots of her classmates and practice her social skills where she feels most comfortable - at home! And it means that you're around to suggest activities and monitor from a distance.

Tell DD that she doesn't have to be friends with someone if they're mean to her, she just needs to stay away from that person and find someone else to play with.

Please step back. Stop bothering the other parents. Either the kids will like your child or they won’t, you can’t control this neither should you try!

I would focus on helping your daughter develop boundaries as opposed to trying to manage this particular friendship.

The parents clearly have a problem and you will probably never find out what it is but they don’t sound like kind or supportive people. Best to support her in understanding that she doesn’t need to tolerate this sort of behaviour from people.

Also as a PP pointed out parents rarely admit when their child is in the wrong.

This all sounds very intense. They’re only 6. You’ve got plenty more of this to deal with in the coming years and you need to let a LOT of it wash over you

I would focus on moving her on from this friendship. Read her social stories on making friends, boundaries etc, give her scripts for conversation starters if needed, take her to clubs/activities where she’s likely to find other children to befriend, SEN groups if you think that would have children more similar to her. If the child continues to be mean to her in school then speak to the school and get them to deal with it that.

I don’t know what you were hoping to achieve by ringing the other mum. I would find it very strange to get a call like that. You can’t engineer friendships for children and, at that age, it’s all very fluid where they’re finding out for themselves who they enjoy spending time with and friendships change. The only thing we as parents can do is teach resilience.

I wouldn't be speaking with another child's mum unless you are close. DD's are now 7 and 10 and I have lost count of how many children have been horrible to them, it's part of school unfortunately. I only spoke with mums twice - once it was DD1 had accidentally hurt one of her friends and she was upset with her, so I apologised to the mum and asked if she was OK. And once I did raise a concern with a mum I was close to when her DD pushed her down the stairs and broke her mug on purpose at our house. I had witnessed it so I wasn't relying on a child's version of events. The child brought an apology card and new mug round to ours.

Otherwise, pass any concerns onto school for then to deal with, and encourage her to make positive choices in her friendships

It all sounds too intense for 6 year old friendships. Maybe the other mum feels you and your dd are too intense. Phoning her was over the top.
take a step back, support your dd to expand her friendships. Teach her the tools to navigate if she feels someone is being ‘mean’.

You just need to encourage your daughter to play with other children. If there are other children she’s friendly with maybe invite them round.

Never get the parents involved, always speak to the school if there’s a problem.

I have a 14y old DD. Friendship groups with girls are incredibly fickle, they’re best friends one day, falling out the next, they can be awful to each other and in my experience, it’s constant drama. You really cant be calling up parents every time girls have a falling out, I wouldn’t have been happy about another mum calling me to ‘discuss’ friendship issues between 6 year olds either.

I’m in the trenches of this with my 9 year olds. As a mum it’s really hard and you worry so much. Don’t expect other parents to be reasonable, they very rarely are. I have tried to widen my daughter’s circle, out of school activities so that if school gets hard, she goes to brownies and sees friends there. You need to keep it in proportion though, I say that from a position of experience.

8-9 years old/years 3-4 are the worst, from experience of 2 girls. Improves in year 5 as they mature, and in year 6 they are focusing on the next step of secondary rather than petty bickering.

We also found cubs/scouts much better than brownies for positive friendships, it doesn't seem to attract girls looking for drama

Just to give you some hope that it gets better

Focus on supporting your dd to manage, don't speak to other parents. It can be helpful to rp how to tell someone to stop doing it saying something you don't like, or how to ask someone different to play.

If it's getting more serious, speak to the teacher for support.

What really helped my dc was hosting a lot of playdates. They made friends more easily 1:1 and those friendships then translated to school. I tried to make sure there was always something fun to do at playdates to encourage dc who weren't close friends yet to accept the invitation!

@Bushmillsbabe thank you for replying to my post. Il take your reassurance and tips!

You sound over involved and trying to manipulate kids friendships will never end well.
take a step back from it all.

your poor daughter will end up being teased because of you if you are always meddling

Stop worrying about whether playdates are reciprocated, it's about supporting your dd so it's worthwhile even if they aren't. Also, choose times parents are usually grateful for childcare - an offer to have the dc of working parents for a day during the holidays is rarely turned down I've found. And make it as much fun as you can if they come.

When you contact other parents, text is better than a call as parents can deal with it when it's convenient. Be warm about their dc e.g. "dc has really been enjoying playing with x, would they like to come over to play one day?" Then give specific days and times you could do. If someone doesn't reply, try someone else.

It's honestly a bit thankless, but it can be a big help if your dc is struggling with making friends.

If I could give you one tip, it’s never never ever ever go to the parent with a school issue. Leave it to the school to deal with.

It’s hard if you have an autistic child who struggles, I do understand that (I have 2 now adults with ASD) but the best thing to do is talk to the school

Good luck to your DD