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Original poster

AIBU to find my friend's behaviour rude and increasingly irritating?

87 replies

whendovescry26 · 17/09/2026 17:17

I had a longtime male friend who came over to my house yesterday for my birthday - and I'm finding some of his behaviour increasingly irritating. I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable or whether he's actually being quite rude.

The latest thing happened yesterday. I asked him what he wanted to eat as I was planning to prepare some food (I hadn't yet eaten). His response was:

'I don't know. I'll eat whatever you leave behind.'

I thought this was a really odd thing to say. I was genuinely asking what he wanted to eat - not offering him my leftovers!

Anyway, I ate my food and - true to his word, he asked if I was done - and he ate what was left afterwards... then he left the plate and cutlery exactly where they were and made no attempt to clear them up. Then he left.

It's the combination that bothered me. It was my birthday, he was a guest in my home - and I was trying to be hospitable. Instead, I felt as though I was somehow expected to feed him whatever happened to be left and then clear up after him.

There are other things that have started to grate too (because I know the above sounds ridiculous).

We were out with another friend last week and she was telling a story of her recent travels. She mentioned a motorbike and he immediately started making loud motorbike-revving noises. Later she mentioned she was going to a church event and he started singing in a sort of exaggerated choir-boy voice.

It felt very attention-seeking and performative. I mentioned it to the friend afterwards and interestingly... she had noticed exactly the same thing.

We're going out tomorrow with two other people, so I'm now slightly dreading him doing something similarly attention-seeking.

I don't actually want to have a big confrontation with him. I'm more inclined to just stop inviting him to my home and keep things to meeting socially. But I'm annoyed enough that part of me wants to tell him that I found the behaviour rude and inconsiderate.

Would this annoy you - or am I massively overreacting? Yes, I realise the leftovers/plate thing sounds ridiculously minor written down. It's more the overall pattern that is getting to me. There are many more examples - but if I were to list them all, I'd be here forever.

OP posts:
SALaw · 20/09/2026 07:03

whendovescry26 · 17/09/2026 17:35

Oh no, it wasn't that. I had plenty of food/snacks laid out already - but I asked him what MEAL he wanted, since I was cooking. (Which was why he came over... since I said I was cooking). I think that's also my gripe, because I'm always hosting/cooking/baking etc... and go to a lot of effort. (Not just yesterday, but always). I wouldn't invite someone over... and them have them watch me eat. LOL!

I did indeed naturally offer to make more of what I was cooking, but he said 'no'. He said to make one portion for me - and he'd eat whatever I didn't. Hence the bizarreness.

Edited
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How did he know you’d have any leftovers if you made one portion? I’d have been eating every last drop and wiping the plate clean so he didn’t have the opportunity to behave in this bizarre way.

LemonPenguin · 20/09/2026 07:11

His behaviour is odd but I think you pandered to it too much with the food. I’d have plated up two meals, and served myself what I thought I’d eat. If he didn’t want his plate of food that’s up to him, I would have left it on the side and eaten mine. For you to just eat a tiny bit and then hand it to him because you knew it was the only way he’d eat is equally odd to me- he’s a grown man, it’s not your job to ensure he’s eaten at the expense of your own meal! Did you then get up and get yourself more? Do you actually like his company, when he’s not being weird about food or making odd noises?

Awkwardisfunny · 20/09/2026 07:41

whendovescry26 · 17/09/2026 17:35

Oh no, it wasn't that. I had plenty of food/snacks laid out already - but I asked him what MEAL he wanted, since I was cooking. (Which was why he came over... since I said I was cooking). I think that's also my gripe, because I'm always hosting/cooking/baking etc... and go to a lot of effort. (Not just yesterday, but always). I wouldn't invite someone over... and them have them watch me eat. LOL!

I did indeed naturally offer to make more of what I was cooking, but he said 'no'. He said to make one portion for me - and he'd eat whatever I didn't. Hence the bizarreness.

Edited
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That sounds like a control thing. It is weird. Just repeat your instructions next time. What would you like to eat. No, I'm not comfortable with you watching me eat and that was a strange request. A few of us have noticed some odd behaviour from you, is everything okay?

Obviously, don't be alone with him in your home while confronting him.

TurquoiseGoldPeaches · 20/09/2026 07:43

Why is he your friend? How long have you known him? How old are you both?

TurquoiseGoldPeaches · 20/09/2026 07:51

Just tread the update. Weird thread. You write like AI by the way.

gannett · 20/09/2026 07:54

whendovescry26 · 19/09/2026 21:40

@gannett @JockTamsonsBairns @BillieWiper UPDATE: He admitted that despite it being my birthday - it wasn't a special catch up. Just the same usual drinks/dinner as always - since he is local and I've known him so long. For those telling me I was a 'bad host' - I'm sorry to say, you're mistaken.

He also admitted he was 'coming down' from drugs and a night out (the night before). He apologised and said he didn't know what had come over him. (I've never known him to do drugs - and as I said; I've known him for 13 years). He acknowledged his behaviour was 'deranged' (his words, not mine). He is on annual leave - and is using all the days he never used up before year end. He said he filled up on the all the starters I had made - and felt like shit for eating it all - so much so - that he didn't me to cook (even though I had already prepped etc...)

He sent me a handwritten card to say he was sorry.

This actually makes sense to me. I'm having flashbacks to a dinner party I once went to the night after I went clubbing (drugs were involved). I got through it without any of your friend's deranged behaviour but I can absolutely relate to the feeling of alternating between ravenous (eating all the starters... I'm guessing these might have been quite hangover-friendly) and queasy.

It's good that he recognised how weird he was being and that he apologised!

As for the night out and drugs, you'll get the usual crowd on this site telling you he's a useless junkie and you should never talk to him again, but I assume you know him better than we do and have an idea of whether he's an occasional party boy and has it under control, or whether he's going off the rails a bit.

wheresthesnowgone · 20/09/2026 08:02

Is he having a mental health crisis? It's certainly not normal behaviour.

BillieWiper · 20/09/2026 10:03

whendovescry26 · 19/09/2026 21:40

@gannett @JockTamsonsBairns @BillieWiper UPDATE: He admitted that despite it being my birthday - it wasn't a special catch up. Just the same usual drinks/dinner as always - since he is local and I've known him so long. For those telling me I was a 'bad host' - I'm sorry to say, you're mistaken.

He also admitted he was 'coming down' from drugs and a night out (the night before). He apologised and said he didn't know what had come over him. (I've never known him to do drugs - and as I said; I've known him for 13 years). He acknowledged his behaviour was 'deranged' (his words, not mine). He is on annual leave - and is using all the days he never used up before year end. He said he filled up on the all the starters I had made - and felt like shit for eating it all - so much so - that he didn't me to cook (even though I had already prepped etc...)

He sent me a handwritten card to say he was sorry.

Thank you. I'd say he sounds like the epitome of someone doing drugs! That partly explains his peculiar ways.

neilyoungismyhero · 20/09/2026 10:09

How old is he OP?
It's definitely strange behaviour and clearly he hasn't been this way your entire relationship. Could it be the start of dementia do you think or a medical issue?

duckfordinner · 20/09/2026 10:17

Is it possible that he fancies you? Wants to feel very close, hence eating your leftovers from your plate. Performative voices- just trying to be funny to impress you.

Millytante · 20/09/2026 15:53

TurquoiseGoldPeaches · 20/09/2026 07:51

Just tread the update. Weird thread. You write like AI by the way.

How so?

Tanjamaltija · 20/09/2026 16:08

You didn't say whether or not he gave you a gift. It could mean that he ate your leftovers so if you bring that up, he'd say "Oh, I didn't even let you cook anything special for me..." He's puerile. Why don't you tell him where to get off? Is he supposed to be taking medication, and he did not?

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