AIBU to find my friend's behaviour rude and increasingly irritating?

He'd have gone hungry at ours. I'm not in the habit of cooking more than we'll eat. He's trying to be endearing or funny or something and he's missing the mark. Any chance he may fancy you? He's a massive attention seeker with little respect for your other friend and some very odd ways.

This is definitely not normal behaviour and I'd echo other PP's observations that he may be having a MH crisis of some sort. But, were I in your situation with the meal, no matter how insistent/assertive/aggressive he was about not wanting a plate, I would have been equally insistent that I could not possibly eat while someone else was just watching and not joining me. I would also say that I was very uncomfortable about allowing someone to eat from my plate. So if I had done as you did, I either would not leave anything for him to eat, or jump up when I'd finished and throw my leftovers in the bin before he could eat them. I could not continue fostering such a friendship with someone who is clearly not behaving in a socially acceptable way.

I wouldn't have given him my plate, gross

Does he have ADHD?

If someone said they'd eat what I left behind I'd laugh and say 'don't be silly I'm not giving you my leftovers. Do you want a sandwich/plate of stew/pheasant carpaccio or not?'
It's a weird thing for him to say but weirder that you actually did it.

What? Just because you’d approach it differently doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with OP asking him what he’d like her to make 🤷‍♀️ in your situation the end up would be the same anyway, ie him scoffing the leftovers.

His behaviour certainly sounds strange, but there's a couple of things I'm not getting.

He must be a good, close friend for you to invite him over for a birthday meal at yours, just the two of you. Close enough, surely, for you to be able to say something like, "Rob, why are you behaving so weirdly?"

Also, given that you asked him what he wanted to eat, had you not even started any prepping? If I'd been invited to a birthday meal at a close friend's house, I think I'd assume that the meal prep would be well underway at the time of my arrival - then we'd have a catch up over a glass of wine (or whatever), then she'd dish up?
I'd probably be a bit surprised to find that nothing had been started, and she hadn't even decided what she was cooking.

So maybe he'd found your behaviour strange to begin with?

OP, it’s fucking weird.

Withdraw from the friendship.

Honestly none of this makes much sense.

Did you just invite him over, or did he come over before a larger gathering? And did you invite him over specifically for dinner in advance? Was he under the impression he was just coming over for drinks?

But of course his behaviour was extremely strange regardless and the first thing I thought was eating disorder.

The other thing that leaps out is that you've known him for 13 years. I presume he hasn't always been like this - the weird food behaviour and the noises are new. (I've met people who are prone to doing that sort of noises in conversation... feels like talking to a toddler but some people just are that loud and noisy.) If someone I'd known for ages and was close enough to invite to my house for a one-to-one birthday dinner started acting out of character I wouldn't jump to "rude and irritating", I'd be worried for them and ask if everything was OK.

i find weird

1. what he said
2. that you made enough for 4 but (it sounds like) you didnt either portion up for eacg of you or give him a plate and cutlery and place out a serving bowl with the remaining 3 portions.
3. you expected him - having made a big deal to us about how he was your guest - to clear away his plate.

does he seem to have food issues generally?
ever been tested for ADHD?.

I wonder if he is taking drugs more often than the once and you are picking up on the changed, weird vibes and it's giving you the ick.

The card still wouldn’t inspire me to invite him back any time soon, I’d also be wondering how many drugs he’s taking. I wouldn’t be close with someone who uses drugs regularly.

Op I don’t get it there are so many people gas lighting you on here when clearly he was being bizarre. It’s not about how many options or no options or questions you gave him, or whether you ate anyway, your behaviour here is not the issue! I wonder if he’s doing it to gain some kind of control/power as a sort of behaviour disorder. It is ringing bells with me of the way kids do odd things to wind you up when psychologically what they’re doing/wanting is getting your attention because they want affection. Sometimes people who have had insecure attachment in the first five years of life, as an adult if they subconsciously notice someone pulling away, they will dig their claws in in some way, as a sort of self sabotage self protection method. That chime at all? Either that or drugs?! 🫠

Depends. Did he bring you anything for your birthday or turn up empty-handed?

So he’s on drugs. Great. Back away.

Is he a dog eyeing your plate for leave that's just plain weird.
What if what you made and you're enjoying and want to munch it all.
CBA arsed with him to be honest.

I want to hear the other examples of his behaviours now just so I can try to work out if they seem drug related or not! 😆

This sounds bizarre . Anyway its kind asking a friend what they want to eat when inviting them over, but it was your birthday as so maybe should have chosen what you wanted and just said i am cooking this for my birthday. Do you want some?
the not tidying away after …is this somethjng he used to do before?
you could say, next time you invite him over, if theres a next time, do you mind clearing the playe away to the kitchen when you are done
optioms - dont invite him over for food anymore
can you do somethjnt else instead? Go out for dinner or meet for a coffee
the bike noises - ask why are you making yhese bike noises
have they got somethint going on in their life and this behaviour is a result of it?

Yeah that’s really odd.

So drugs is the answer to all of it then

This.

I would nor have let him eat from my plate that is really really odd behaviour. If he tries again to ask for this tell him you find it a bit of putting and won't be giving him your leftovers. I'd either scrape into the bin or just eat everything on my plate.
As for the bizarre behaviour is this normal for him or new. I'd be worried that something is seriously wrong with him. He doesn't sound like someone I'd be friends with.

If he’s using up his annual leave suddenly and taking drugs what else is going on in his life? He sounds like he’s having a MH crisis of some sort.

and before I got to the update any behaviour like that from someone I know well whose never done it before I would attribute to drugs.