Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

How about people who go and commit crime. They've got the stress of trying to cover up, and lie. They've got to worry if the police are going to come calling. Possibly face a court case. Jail., being hated. Losing their home, pets, Friends and family. Being in the local paper, etc

However can it be worth bringing that stress on yourself. It can't be. Self inflicted stress. 😲

But conversely, some people are just very low-energy, and the idea of leaving the house other than going to work, or getting off the sofa, or seeing friends, or committing to something not strictly necessary, is to them 'unnecessary stress.'

I used to have a colleague who found my perfectly ordinary levels of activity (FT job, married, one child, writing on the side, seeing friends, singing in a band, periodically going to gigs or films, hiking, walking a friend's dog, going away for weekends or to my home country to visit family, a bit of local activism) absolutely incomprehensible.

Whereas he did exactly the same job as me at the same level of seniority, and had a similar commute, married with two children, but would complain about anything 'extra' in his week, like a parent-teacher meeting or having to take them to their swimming lesson on Saturday morning, as if it somehow infected his whole week. His idea of heaven was sitting down on the sofa after he got home from work on Friday, knowing he didn't have to leave the house again till he left for work on Monday.

I suppose what I'm saying is that what counts as 'unnecessary stress' is pretty subjective.

I think I was a bit like this when I was younger. It was coming from a well-intentioned place - trying to avoid emptiness and a feeling of wanting to create a full, rich life and bring lots of good things into it. The combination of all the good things at once is the problem! And as soon as one support structure crumbles for whatever reason the the whole thing falls apart. I'm knackered now so yes, definitely living out the consequences of my choices! But also no regrets, because I love all the existing kids and pets... but no more please!

I absolutely agree. Essentially the more humans and creatures you add into your life the more complicated it gets. Ditto job moves, house moves, country moves. I think keeping it simple where you can leads to a more content life.

I know a lot of people who become stupid when it comes to pets. An old housemate of mine got a dog as she did not have a boyfriend and wanted emotional connection.

So she got one and never potty trained it properly (so it wees and poos all over the balcony) and she constantly whined about the cost. She also refused to train in properly due to lack of time and money and now its badly socialised.

I know people with pretty shit lives that get so much from having a dog.

Having a puppy is always hard but temporary.

Her waste of space partner is her her bigger issue

Although it adds to the overall responsibilities, a dog generally helps to reduce stress and anxiety in a person.

I have a friend like this.. but then there is probably someone who considers me to be their chaotic friend because of my choices.

I think it's less about adding stress and more about people who are poor decision makers. SIL is like this. She makes poor decisions and the consequences cause stress. In her defense, the poor decisions are always made with good intentions.

eg like your friend, she also got a dog in the middle of an already chaotic life. It's a constant stress - she has no money and struggles with the cost of of the dog. She's a single mom and it was always tricky to walk the dog. But she got the dog because she has always loved dogs, this dog needed a home and she really does genuinely adore the dog nd love having him.

<shrug>

I've seen this myself with a couple of friends. They tend to live in the moment and romanticise things. Poor impulse control may contribute to the situation. Both situations ended in tears.

YANBU.

I think some people just thrive on the chaos. It looks exhausting to me though!

I know what you mean, I have a similiar friend.

She has 5 kids, 2 with disabilities, she has 4 dogs, a useless partner, full time job and a horse!!

She is always stressed (no surprise) but it’s like she doesn’t understand that her choices got her to where she is.

YANBU but also I'm child-free and I thought this (on the inside) every time a friend told me they were going to have a child.

I also love dogs and the reason I don't have one is because I know perfectly well how much stress it would add to my life!

I've long observed that very few people seem to go about life in such a way as to make it as chilled, enjoyable and non-stressful as possible. I don't know why this is!

I know what you mean!

Do people just love drama?! Sometimes I think people are not stressed at all, they just like the attention they get for saying it (🤫🤭)